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What's your 'bedtime routine' for older children (e.g. 10 & 8)

(25 Posts)
Whippet Tue 09-Nov-10 14:06:39

Can't help feeling that DH & I are still too 'involved' at bedtime and that the kids should be 'taking themselves off to bed' by now?

So currently:-

Between 7.30-8.30: Run bath and nag each DS to take one (which they do themselves, although DS1 (10) tries to persuade me to come and 'chat' to him in the bathroom, which I sometimes do, depending on how busy I am..)

Q: Shouldn't they be running their own bath, or taking showers by now???

8.00-8.30 Read with DS2 (8) for about 15 mins, then he reads himself for another 15. Then whichever parents are in the house (me/DH) have to go and kiss him goodnight or else he won't turn his light off hmm...

Between 8.30 - 9.15: DS1 watches some TV (preferably a science type programme with DH) and then reads for a bit. He also still likes someone to come and 'tuck him in' though... in fact he will come and find us, and then 'loiter' saying 'I'm just going to bed now...'

On one hand it's sweet that they have this routine of us 'saying goodnight' etc but it's also all a bit wearing, and it means we're trying to do anything in the evening it keeps getting interrupted....

But then it won't last forever I know, and I feel sort of mean saying 'go on - off to bed with us - don't disturb us..'

Does anyone else have this, or are we just a pushover?

seeker Tue 09-Nov-10 14:11:51

I still tuck mine in and they are 9 and 14!

Treasure it!

But I might stop the bath running. Mine now have showers in the morning instead of baths as night - except on very special occasions, and after football training!

Orissiah Tue 09-Nov-10 14:14:55

My friends with children the same age as yours no longer run baths - their kids shower in the morning. However, I think it's sweet they still like baths and that you run them for them. Soon they'll be avoiding you at all costs!

kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 09-Nov-10 14:19:38

Our DD (9.6) bathes independantly every other day [fragrent emoticon] at around 5.30, we eat our dinner at 6 and she goes up to bed at 7.30. Half an hour reading then either me or DH go and unplug her light. she is a sod for reading and would carry on all night if she had a light in her room.
Your boys have you wrapped around their fingers (but it is nice to be loved)

FernieB Tue 09-Nov-10 18:18:05

Go with whatever works for you. My 10 year old DD's go off for showers at some point between 7pm and 8pm. Then it's downstairs for a quick supper and they then take themselves up to brush teeth etc. I give them about 10 minutes and then go up and read with them for 10 minutes, then they read themselves until 9:30 (ish). They really don't want to give up the storytime yet, so I will only read something I have chosen, that way they get a wider range of literature.

Whippet Tue 09-Nov-10 21:26:42

Hmm.. doesn't sound that uncommon then - but with a few variations...

I'm not as bothered by it as DH really. I know it will come to an end soon enough, so am inclined to treasure it smile. It's also the time that I know I'm most likely to find out about anything that's on their mind etc (safe, snuggly bedtime...)

Dh gets a bit more grumpy about it hmm and says (especially to DS1) 'can't you just GO to bed for a change?'

Agree about switching from baths to showers - but no way would they fit it into the morning - it's chaotic enough as it is. Neither of them particularly like showers though - they like lounging in the bath <pampered icon>

> sigh <

nameymcnamechange Tue 09-Nov-10 21:33:15

Dh and/or I are still pretty involved with bedtime for our two aged 9 and 7. Dd can shower herself, for ds one of us has to supervise. If they need their hair combed for lice then thats always a parental job. After showers (they don't have a shower every night, probably averages out at 5 a week) they will read with me for 10 minutes or play a game with dh if he is home. One of us always tucks them in (they still sleep in the same room) and if the other is in the house then they go up for a kiss too.

I know what you mean about it all being a bit time-consuming, but it isn't going to be for much longer sad.

Maybee Tue 09-Nov-10 21:35:53

My 8yr old runs his own bath now. He tries to persuade me to keep him company but I rarely have time. Afterwards we play a game or read together he came up with the idea of reading club ie we both read our own books for about 25 mins curled up on my bed. Once in a while I let him watch a programme with me before bed. We love modern family. Then I tuck him in. sometimes we have a hot choc on the deck and look at the stars. tonight i was a bit snappy with him and feel a bit guilty. I have a 2 yr old and 1yr old and do try to make sure he gets plenty of attention but I feel like I'm spreading myself a bit thinly.
I encourage him to shower now but then I end up with a flooded bathroom.

Francagoestohollywood Tue 09-Nov-10 21:48:29

My eldest is 8 and we are still quite involved.
He doesn't have a bath as his bedtime routine (bath or shower is taken before dinner, but we usually eat at 7, 7.30). He now runs a bath for himself and needs mild supervision.

He changes into his pj and brush his teeth (again we nag supervise mildly). He might read 15 minutes on his own (but he much prefers to be read to) and then needs lots of cuddles and kisses before switching off the light.

sexybrunettemotherof5 Tue 09-Nov-10 21:52:11

Do you all really bath/shower your kids every day?

Mine get a wash in the mornings, maybe a hand and face wash at bedtime when they brush their teeth, but certainly don't bathe properly every day.

Whippet Tue 09-Nov-10 21:55:25

Not every day, no. It depends a bit what's happening e.g. if they've been playing sport then yes - if just back from swimming, no!

Hulababy Tue 09-Nov-10 21:58:11

DD is 8y.

On a non activity day she goes up, gets into PJs and jumps in our bed around 7:45-8pm and reads for 15/20 mins or so. On a Tues/Wed when she has late ctivities this bit is missed out.

She then comes down, gives me a hug and kiss goodnight, then DH takes her up. She will clean her teeth and then jumps into bed. Her and DH has 5 min chat about their days, etc. - their time Then she goes to bed and settles down. If she isn't tired she might read a bit longer in bed.

DD hasn't had daily baths/showrs for a while. She has a bath a couple of times a week, and a shower after swimming on a aturday, and washes her hair then. Rest of time she has a wash at the sink in the morning.

Francagoestohollywood Wed 10-Nov-10 09:08:02

No, my children have bath/shower about 3 times a week, and a wash at the sink in the mornings (we live in Italy and we have BIDETS - I know it's a contentious topic on here grin- which are very handy for personal hygiene)

cory Wed 10-Nov-10 09:15:34

I still read to my 10yo and 14yo, but I don't see it as a chore- any more than talking to dh is a chore. It's some of our best family time, revisiting some of my own favourite books and seeing them afresh. But if I am feeling tired or busy, I tell them to sort themselves out.

Dd always wants me to look into her room when I go to bed- it makes her feel cherished to know that I'm doing that even if she's asleep.

As for hygiene, they deal with that themselves and I am not involved. Usually not just before bedtime though.

cyb Wed 10-Nov-10 09:19:27

Our bedtimes for boys 9 and 7 involve a LOT of nagging, (get in bath, wash your winkle,clean your teeth etc etc) and refereeing as rolling and wrestling on my bed when they should be in theirs is a good time waster.

if they do come downstairs after an early bath, the older will take himself upstairs, the younger (chicken) won;t

BudaisintheZONE Wed 10-Nov-10 09:24:50

Just trying to get a routine sorted here too. DS is 9.

He showers most nights.

Our problem is that he doesn't like going upstairs by himself so we end up going to bed when he does or he stays up too late.

Just had a chat about this in the car this morning. He wants to do football on a Tuesday evening which will mean me being out of the house from 4.30 to 8pm. It's half an hour away. I really don't want to do it but have said we will try it and see how it goes BUT he has to start going to bed when I say so. I am hoping for 8.30 but suspect it will be 9. May bargain that I will read to him for 15 mins if he goes up at 8.30 but if he goes at 9 then lights out straight away.

MaMoTTaT Wed 10-Nov-10 09:31:43

I have 3 DS's (10, nearly 7 and 3)

On bath nights routine is

DS1 starts running the bath for me. I finish it off to make sure it's the right temp.

DS2 and 3 get in first, splash, play, get washed.

DS1 then gets in after they've finished and sorts himself out. Meanwhile I'm getting DS3 dressed, reading story, giving milk (yes he still has his milky in a bottle at night blush).

8pm I take DS2 and 3 upstairs to bed and tuck them in

DS1 puts the kettle on, makes me a coffee, and himself a mug of herbal tea.

He drinks that and then goes up to bed at 8.30 on his own.

Non bath nights is the same just without the bath.

DS2 used to take himself up to bed (and still does on occasion) but as he shares with DS3 it just happens that I do both at the same time.

Once in a blue moon I'm flattered by a request from DS1 to go and tuck him in.

Hullygully Wed 10-Nov-10 09:38:23

Mine, 12 and 13, both like to be kissed goodnight, hugged, and chatted with. It's nice!

MaDuggar Wed 10-Nov-10 10:49:22

Mine are 8 & 10, and they do run their own showers and sort themselves out for bed. At 8pm, I take them plus their 2 year old brother up to bed, they get a kiss goodnight at their door, they then take themselves off to bed to read/play DS or whatever. I come back up at 9pm, but they are usually sound asleep by then.

Takver Wed 10-Nov-10 12:15:34

8 y/o here - she takes herself off to bed & reads for a while, then DH or I come up & chat & read to her for 10-15 minutes before lights out.

She generally has baths not showers (our shower is erratic and can suddenly turn scalding hot) - she can run it herself, but sometimes I do it to save time while she undresses. Doesn't bath every day, maybe twice a week as she swims 2-3 times a week & showers/hair washes at the pool.

If we have people round for dinner she's perfectly able to take herself off to bed without assistance, though I do still remind her to turn off her light at 8.30 & kiss her goodnight. If we go out & have a babysitter then not even that of course.

I don't find any of it stressful, more a nice sociable time at the end of the day. I expect I'll be reading to her til she refuses it point blank

Othersideofthechannel Wed 10-Nov-10 16:17:10

I think you are too involved over the washing but not about the stories/lights out routine.

DS 7 sorts his own shower but I have to tell him when to do it otherwise it would never cross his mind. I watch once a week on hair wash nights to make sure he is rinsing his hair properly.

I was definitely in secondary school before my parents stopped telling me it was time to stop reading/turn off my light. If you are engrossed in a book, you don't notice the time. Besides, my Dad was always out of the house from before I got up until after 8pm so it was our only chance to see each other.

foxinsocks Wed 10-Nov-10 16:21:58

Mine are 10 and 9. We tell them to go to bed and they go to bed! And that's it really.

seeker Wed 10-Nov-10 22:17:40

I love that my 14 year old still likes me to come in and say goodnight and tuck her in. Not sure whether that makes me sad or her sad, but it suits us!

seeker Wed 10-Nov-10 22:20:41

But I am interested that people seem to think a daily bath is essential for non sweaty toddlers, but not for hormonal, sweaty, potentially smelly teens and pre-teens!

Dancergirl Wed 10-Nov-10 22:23:20

I run the bath for my older dds (9 and 7) but they get in and out, pjs, teeth etc themselves (with a bit of hurrying along).

I do still tuck them in and will do for however much longer they want it. I also do 5-min mummy time with each child before bed which is a bit of a pain sometimes if I'm tired but I think it's important a bit of 1-to-1 time especially in a large-ish family.

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