Sorry had to laugh (ruefully) at this as ds1 is just like that. Today I had "Mummy, I do not like this behaviour. You are being VERY rude." Your tellings-off come back to haunt you (and they sound pretty sarky coming from a 4yo). He is massively oversensitive and emotional at the moment.
A very useful thing that was said to me on MN not so long ago was that it is up to me to set the emotional tone, as they can't do it by themselves. Try really hard not to be wound up by the talking back.
I have no tips to add but I had to post as I really feel your pain! I get 'don't talk to me like that'; 'you did it too FAST!' (when helping her get dressed); and a classic: 'you keep walking away from me!' (when walking down the street, ffs!) from my nearly 4yo DD.
She ignores me when I ask her to do something, changes the subject when I challenge her and asks 'why?' whenever I say anything else.
She also takes great delight in telling me that she doesn't love me as much as daddy or rabbit.
She is lovely really. Or so I keep reminding myself Anyone know how long this phase lasts for?