taking my baby to the theatre

[amylou1]

Yesterday I took my 1 month old to a matinee at the Bristol Old Vic. It was a family show and my Mum and I really wanted to see the show (by Kneehigh) and my husband was busy so we took the little one along. I checked with the theatre who said it was fine. She was good as gold and slept in the baby carrier though the whole thing. Noone would have noticed her!

However, I didn't enjoy it at all as just before we went in I passed two women in the foyer and one said to the other, loudly and clearly, looking straight at me, 'she's not seriously thinking of taking that baby in the theatre'. I was so shocked that I couldn't think what to say, walked away and spent the entire performance wondering whether I was a selfish, bad mother!

I knew she'd sleep and the plan was that if she cried we'd quietly leave straight away. I wouldn't want to spoil anyone else's enjoyment.

Why do people think they have a right to speak to new mothers this way? I am super sensitive right now and trying to do everything right for my baby. Just can't get over the rudeness. Wish I'd said something to the woman at the time but I was too shocked and didn' feel like a confrontation.

[GypsyMoth]

well its not something i would do!

depending on seating,if a baby started crying,you'd have a bit of time getting out,disturbing everyone etc...imagine 7 or 8 mothers with babies. it would annoy me!very much in fact.

and at what age of baby would you draw the line?

[amylou1]

well she's tiny and we were on the end of a row to the side at the back. I made sure we were out of the way. I would never have taken her otherwise.

[onimolap]

They didn't speak to you; they spoke to each other.

Audiences are banned from having mobiles on , and discouraged from even minor noises like rustling sweetie wrappers. The noise of a baby crying and the disruption of someone moving would be highly disruptive to a large swathe of the audience, and would spoil the enjoyment of many and possibly even throw the actors.

I recommend a sitter for any future trips, or stick to designated children's performances.

[GypsyMoth]

yes. i would re think it. lucky your seats were on the end,you cant always guarantee that,and she wont be tiny for long.

i have 5 dc and with the cost of theatre tickets,i would not be impressed with a baby disrupting things!

[amylou1]

well actually she aimed her comment at me as she looked at me as she said it. And as I said this was a family matinee. My child was the quietest there and the theatre were fine with it. There was no disturbance and the woman was very rude.

[vacuumcleanerdiva]

Well, I've got 5 dc and wouldn't even contemplate taking any of them to anything other than a children's show. The trouble is that it's very disruptive to hear a baby so much as squeak let alone cry and almost impossible to leave a theatre without causing disruption. Sorry, probably not the answer you wanted.

[amylou1]

dragonfly68 what I meant was that I asked for those seats and wouldn't have taken her if there was a risk of disturbing people as I am a very courteous member of the audience who doesn't like sweet wrappers or loud kids! What shocked me was that this woman assumed wrongly that I was discourteous without knowing either me or my child and before the show had started.

[MelonCauli]

I wouldn't take a baby to the theatre either. I think it is a selfish thing to do. Imagine if everyone thought like you and the palce was full of people getting up when their baby was crying.

[WilfShelf]

Well, I'd like to applaud you for having the guts to challenge the anti-child nonsense in this country where everyone has to shutter them away quietly. It is stupid, and I do hope it changes. Of course, you would have taken the baby out if it cried, right? And as you say, it was a family show. If it have been Ibsen at the NT that might be a different matter.

Most tiny babies are perfectly portable and bother no-one. All you can hope for is that the moaning minnies have a sad and lonely old, old age, when they might be thought of as a 'nuisance to everyone' and their family don't take them out anywhere...

[sumum]

I would have no problem with it, you know your baby and if she would just feed quietly when/if she woke. Have taken my babies to cinema regularly.

[WilfShelf]

It isn't remotely selfish. If a parent is responsible and thoughtful, children can participate, It is what people in other countries do. It is selfish in fact to assume new parents should have to lock themselves isolated in the house in case you might - MIGHT - be mildly inconvenienced.

[Blu]

It worked out K, you knew you had ailse seats so could escape quickly, but yo can't blame her for being worried - if she was with another adult and 2 kids, they could have spent £100 on tickets! Lots of theatres, even specialist children's theatres like Unicorn or Polka don't allow babies in!

You knew the theatre had said it was OK, it WAS ok, you came up against a woman who quit reasonably was concerned about disturbance - shrug it off! It isn't a plot against mothers of babies.

[sleepysox]

I agree with you amylou.

I got this sort of reaction from mumsnetters when i took my 11 week old baby (who'd just come out of nicu) to my son's 1st ever nativity play at big school last Christmas.

I think you and I and wilfshelf are in the minority!

[Blu]

WillShelf - so adults enjoying Ibsen at the NT are respected as audience members to concentrate and immerse themselves in the experience, but chldren as audiences can just sit amidst a general bun fight because their theatre experience doesn't matter? Respect for children works in different ways. KneeHigh are really high quality theatre - 20 famllies with babies could easily wreck the whole experience. And of course, there could easliy be 20 in a children's show.

[amylou1]

I have been going to the theatre all my life both as and audience member and an actress. I love the theatre and I don't like to be distracted or disturbed. Its interesting to know that most people seem to view babies as a nuisance and mothers as stupid and or selfish. I think most of you would feel diferently if you had been sat next to me yesterday, if you had noticed her at all!

[GypsyMoth]

what was the show op? and what was the age guide for it?

[Blu]

It would have been great as she DID stay quiet. But often babies are NOT.

[GypsyMoth]

and its not just the baby.....its the general chaos with it,rummaging for feeding equipment,whichever it may be,juggling baby around,collecting up possesions...and then eventually,getting out!

how does the NT become more important than another theatre....i can only afford to go perhaps once a year,would not be happy to have it spoilt this way

[amylou1]

If my baby had woken and needed feeding I would have taken her out as I said! It was a short show. This was why I specifically chose these seats. Why does everyone assume you would deliberately diturb others?

Kneehigh are all for inclusion and auience access.

[HoorahHilda]

Well said WilfShelf and sleepysox .Agree .

[amylou1]

I am very lucky never to have come across any of these inconsiderate, rude and noisy Mum's at the theatre or screamng babies. I have, however had to sit near very noisy, chatting rustling adults and those who kick the back of your chair etc...

[KatyS36]

Brave of you to take her, IMO, but on the basis you had end row seats and would remove her if she wasn't completly quiet I think is completly fair enough. I don't think we include children enough in this country. The other women were rude.

DD (10 months) has been going to restaurants since she was a few weeks old. Usually behaves extremely well, removed if not. We've had lots and lots of positive comments about her behavior adn how nice it is to see babies out in the evening.

[bruffin]

Why on earth would have even considered taking a baby into a theatre, not fair on the others and certainly not fair on the baby.
We went to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang when it was first in the west end and a baby cried through a lot of it (that was over £200 worth of tickets we paid for it to be spoilt, We also had my DDs schools performance at a local theatre also ruined by a baby the screamed through the whole thing. Mum was sitting right next to the door and she still didn't take the child outside.

At our local theatre which has lots of family shows they always provided a creche for up to 2 or 3 year olds, much better idea.

There are things that are just not suitable for babies and theatres and cinemas are one of them. I missed ds's first trip to the pantomine as DD was only 3 months old and wouldn't have dreamed of taking her to it.

[bruffin]

Restaqurants are different Katy as babies need to eat. A baby will get nothing from a theatre production.

[EvilTwins]

Actually, bruffin, I took my girls to the theatre for the first time when they were 6 or 7 months old. To a performance aimed at 6-18 month olds. And they got a lot out of it. They are 4 now, and have been to several performances, including those they would have probably been considered "too young" for. This Christmas will be their third proper panto, and we've been to everything from 50 minute adaptations of their favourite books (The Gruffalo, The Tiger Who Came to Tea) to full length musicals. As a teacher of Performing Arts, I don't think there is such a thing as too young. I think the OP was within her rights, and given that she acted considerately, and had planned to leave immediately had she needed to, doesn't deserve the flaming she's getting here.

When I worked in London, we did a lot of work with the Almeida Theatre, and I took teenagers to see a number of plays there. I know this is off the point of the thread, but the woman who was in charge of schools visits there always told the children that ANY reaction they had to what they saw was valid - if they wanted to laugh, then laugh, even if the person next to them shot them a dirty look. There is a lot of theatre snobbery on this thread - just because you pay £x for your ticket, doesn't mean that you have the right to dictate the behaviour of other members of the audience.