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I'm not sure wether to try for another baby or not?

8 replies

mummyloveslucy · 20/09/2010 13:16

Hi, my daughter is now 5.5 and we've been trying for another baby up until a year ago. I've used all the fertility drugs I'm alowed in a lifetime apparently,I have PCOS.
We've realised that it's not going to happen and we're content with that telling ourselves that the next one could be a real nightmare etc.
I've recently lost weight and I'm doing a lot more excercise and have started to ovulate again. (I know when it happens as it's a bit painful)
My husband recently told me that he'd still love another baby, but I'm not so sure. I had extreme hyperemesis with my daughter and I don't think I could cope with a hyperactive toddler or one that won't sleep. I think we've been lucky so far, but the second is usually more challenging than the first, so I've been told.
It would also mean big changes for our daughter as she'd probubly have to change schools as she's at a private school. She has some SEN's and loves her school and dosn't like change. Hmm
I know she'd love a little brother or sister though, she keeps pretending she has one.
There would be such a big age gap now that it might be hard for them to be close anyway, I don't know.
I thought it was pretty much decided that we couldn't have any more and that was that. Now I'm ovulating again, and my husband and daughter would love another one, should we go for it? Is it something I'll regret if I look back and think I had a chance but didn't take it?
If I'm honest with myself then I think that I'd love another one too, but I do worry about the effect it'll have on my daughter if she has to leave her school and also if I become more tired/stressed and take it out on her.
I'm feeling a bit Confused at the moment, I wish I could see into the future sometimes.

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mummyloveslucy · 20/09/2010 13:33

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mummyloveslucy · 20/09/2010 13:56

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debka · 20/09/2010 14:05

I think you should do it. You will regret it more if you don't when you could have.

And congratulations on weight loss and lifestyle changes and ovulation!!

Good luck :)

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Ulysses · 20/09/2010 14:16

Hi Mummyloveslucy. Not sure if my story will be any help but I'm in a similar boat to a degree. Have DD who is nearly 5 though my problems stem from my DH who is on kidney dialysis and we thought that this was likely to make him infertile.

Because of this we have always thought that DD would be an only and to be honest I have been quite happy with that as the thought of having a baby with the onus being on me to do everything didn't appeal.

Well, 3 months ago DH got a call for a transplant and was already for the surgery but a last minute test showed that he would likely to reject the donated kidney so he couldn't go ahead. We were devestated that it was cancelled but are hopeful that now he is at the top of the transplant list he will get a couple fairly soon, though that could be months or indeed years.

However, a couple of weeks later I found out something else - that I was pregnant (strangely enough we conceived that night before he got the call about the transplant!). Now, I am 12 weeks gone and have my first scan and I have to say that while I am still worried about what the future holds I am absolutely delighted about having another baby, as is DH and DD.

I wasn't prepared for it all and it's one of the best things that's happened to me.

Obviously we are hoping that DH will get a transplant before baby comes and if it doesn't happen then life will be pretty tough for us all and I am worried about the strain it will put on all of us. It's something we'll need to cross when it happens.

Wouldn't it be good to have that crystal ball? What I'm getting comfort from is that DD is older and can take care of herself, and while she may not be a total help she won't be the hinderance that having a toddler say would be.

It's really one of those decisions where your heart needs to be in it but if I am reading you right you seem to be wanting another one too.

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mummyloveslucy · 20/09/2010 14:19

Thank you! Smile It wasn't easy at first, but I'm glad I did it. Healthy eating now seems like the norm and not a punishment. I never thought that would happen. Grin

I think you're right, I would look back and think what would he or she be like etc.

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mummyloveslucy · 20/09/2010 14:29

Thanks Ulysses. Congratulations! I think in your case it was so ment to be. Wink What were the odds of that happening? I hope everything goes well for your DH. Smile

I suppose this time around I'll have MN to help me through any difficult times I might have with a new baby. I didn't discover MN until my daughter was nearly 4.

I've been meaning to put my daughters baby clothes on e-bay for years but never "got around to it", maybe there's always been an underlying hope for another one.

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Ulysses · 20/09/2010 14:38

I am also counting on Mumsnet too! Good luck with whatever decision you make and I'm sure you'd never choose anything on the basis of some random stranger's experience but I am so utterly utterly happy about having another baby.

I really can't believe I am pregnant and it is a bit hard just now because I am so tired at night and DH isn't around to help out with DD, though he does his share at the weekends when he doesn't have hospital/work. Hoping that I'll start to feel better soon though I do feel guilty that I haven't been spending enough attention on DD, but she is so very enthusiastic about becoming a big sister and seems to understand that having a baby is hard work!! She also believes that baby sleeps a lot and when that happens mummy gets tired out too Wink.

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pointythings · 20/09/2010 21:01

@mummyloveslucy,

I have to say I found the second one much easier than the first, I was better at reading her cues (tired, hungry, wind) and more experienced at dealing with the toddler stage as well. And with the age gap as big as it is, your DD would probably be quite a big help.

And congrats on the weight loss, and good luck with whatever you do decide to do. You do have my suympathy on the painful ovulation, have suffered from that all my life and still do.

@Ulysses,

Congrats to you too, fantastic for you.

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