Letting go dilemma

[sagalsmith]

I have 2 dds (2yrs and 10m) and bad pregnancies- 2nd was a happy accident . Which meant quite a bit of help from mum for 1st but I was abroad and away from hubby for 3 months during the worst of it. Things then settled into a routine of sorts and we were coping. Then decided to move and got in one month before dd2 was born. In a nutshell- a lot went on and still going on.
Lucky enough to afford live in nanny/homehelp, although its a stretch; the logic at that point being that I could then go back to work sooner and more easily and hence justifying the cost.
DD now 10m, I still feel in no shape to face work, esp as I have no job waiting (I was trying to set up a business when I fell pregnant but just couldn't cope). I pretty much have to network and be my old 'dynamic' self. On top of that, in spite of having all that help, I pretty much take on most of childcare because I love them so much and want to be with them and nurture them. I feel guilt about 'off- loading' them to someone who's not family. Its only getting worse. Saturdays were my hubby and my time to be alone for a few hours before nanny left. Now I feel like we should be spending that time with them instead, esp as hubby has a job that involves him being away a lot.
I can't really see a way out of this and need someone to shake me or something! Any wise words out there?
Btw- I do go out etc but mostly only once they're asleep.

[sagalsmith]

Anyone?

[BigOfNoorks]

I am a sahm I used to be very career minded and was adamant that I would continue working after children then came ds and hormones and I ended up being a SAHM best thing I ever did we struggle for money yes but ds has just started school full time and dd is 1 and now 4 year does not seem as long as it did when ds was a baby.

I think you should hold off going back to work if you can possibly afford it, by making some sacrifices, they are only young once and I think you will resent it if you go back. What harm will a few more months off work do in the grand scheme of things . I don't know if this is what you wanted but it is what I did and I have not regretted it for a day. Not even when I see SIL going on holidays abroad every year (okay maybe for a second) talk to your DH about how you are feeling. I hope things work out for you and you are happy.