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Ds is bothered by something I said to dh in anger :(

(6 Posts)
Mandy03 Sat 20-Aug-05 11:43:20

I feel so bad. My ds recently turned 5, & I've noticed that on occasion if dh & I have had an argument (not very often), he will stick to me like glue and not want me to go out anywhere. Dh & I had words yesterday and within a few minutes, ds was sitting by me and saying that he wanted to cheer me up. I gave him a hug & told him that I needed to go out to the shops, & that I would be back in 10 minutes. He said "Don't go, let Daddy go. I don't want you to go anywhere." I questioned him about why he felt this way, and he said "I don't want you to find a new home." Apparently a long time ago, when dh & I had been arguing, I said something on the spur of the moment like "Well if that's your attitude I may as well go and live somewhere else", not thinking that ds would be listening. How stupid of me.

I feel so extremely bad that I've worried him & made him think that I would leave and go somewhere else. I've been reassuring him as much as possible since realising this, I tell him I love him all the time and I told him today that I would never leave him. But basically I feel like such a crap parent for making him feel this way, and for saying things in front of him that I shouldn't say. Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else? It makes me feel so awful, but at least I'll be aware what I say in future.

nannyjo Sat 20-Aug-05 11:45:48

aw bless him. they never forget a thing do they, i'm sure if you have told him now that won't happen he should believe you and feel better.

Janh Sat 20-Aug-05 11:48:57

Does DS ever get mad and shout himself? If he does you could try reminding him that we all say things we don't mean when we're cross (which we do, so please don't feel bad, you didn't know he'd react like this).

If he doesn't (and he sounds such a sensitive little boy maybe he doesn't?) then just keep telling him you really really didn't mean it, you and Dady love each other and you're not going anywhere.

Janh Sat 20-Aug-05 11:49:15

Daddy, even!

edam Sat 20-Aug-05 12:20:25

Oh dear. Think saying something you regret children overhearing happens to everyone - don't beat yourself up. All you can do is keep reassuring ds that you will always be with him and won't go anywhere without him (not the shops, obviously, but you know what I mean).
I told my mum once that she'd really upset me when she told me I was too big to sit on her lap. She had no idea! Was probably just knackered after work - and I probably was too big, as well.

Mandy03 Sat 20-Aug-05 12:22:49

Janh, I actually did that with ds today - I reminded him that he sometimes gets angry himself and says things he doesn't mean, like 'I don't like you anymore' or 'you're not my friend'. (He does shout occasionally but he usually just stomps off in a huff if he's angry). Anyway he seemed to understand what I was saying... I told him that adults sometimes say things they don't mean when they argue, but that they say sorry afterwards. I think he's ok with it now, but I just feel so clueless for not being aware of how it might have affected him.

He is a sensitive little thing, last week on the news an old man was being evicted from his home and had nowhere to go. Ds sat there in tears and wanted to know if someone would find the old man a new home to go to. Bless him, sometimes I wonder if it's good or bad to be a softie. He generally seems unaffected by things, but maybe that's just how he is on the surface.

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