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How do I dispose of the corpse (I'm desperate)

(118 Posts)
BearintheBigBlueHouse Mon 08-Aug-05 13:51:37

How do I dispose of the corpse once I have offed the effing cat that is using our garden as a toilet?

I am actually reaching the end of my tether with this. Really.

Every morning I have to nip out before the children do and pick up the cat turds that the offending beast has smugly deposited on the lawn/patio/behind the tubs. And when it’s not well, it’s not easy to clean up after it.

It’s not just gross, it’s dangerous. I choose not to have a cat, so why does someone else have the right to subject my children to the possibility of toxoplasmosis or toxicariasis that could leave them blinded or worse.

We have a small garden (30ft by 20ft) which we’ve designed so that DD and DS can make the most of every inch of it on bike/scooter/climbing-frame/seesaw etc. It’s surrounded by fences that are at least 5ft high, so we can’t be accused of inviting pets in, but still the cat comes in every night and does it’s nasty business.

We’ve tried the smelly granules, half-full lemonade bottles and an ultrasonic device, but the cat just takes the piss. Apparently we could try to tack spiky stuff to the top of our fences, but some of the fences are topped with honeysuckle and clematis so it wouldn’t work on those parts and the cat could still get in – and the stuff is very expensive – why should I be shelling out when it’s someone else’s property that’s in the wrong. I’ve heard of a pungent shrub called Scardy Cat – has anyone else heard of it/used it? Again why should I plant up our garden with stinking plants – it shouldn’t be my problem.

If anyone has any other tried and tested remedies – please let me know asap. You'll certainly be helping me, you could be saving a cat.

alicatsg Mon 08-Aug-05 13:53:56

OK this'll sound wierd. Olbas Oil. LOTS of it on a piece of cloth or whatever on its favourite spot. Cats HATE the smell and it'll be appalled at its loo being like that.

hatstand Mon 08-Aug-05 13:54:05

do you know whose cat it is? Perhaps you could follow it home one day (could be interesting, scaling your 5 foot walls etc) and ask the owners if they would consider providing their cat with a litter tray so it doesn't crap in your garden? Not all cats use them but I think a lot will.

Blu Mon 08-Aug-05 13:55:04

Surreptitious use of an air rifle, and then leave corpse in rad to be run over in dead of night so it looks like hit and run?

But then I'm not know as a cat lover....

Or a supporter of dubious practices with firearms.

We never did get a 'Firearms' Board on MN. Sigh.

dejags Mon 08-Aug-05 13:57:32


Pepper, pepper, pepper. go and get yourself an industrial sized bag of finely ground black pepper.

put it down in the areas the cat likes best and I'll bet he'll bugger off asap.

we had problems with our own cats doing the business in the wrong place and this worked a treat.

giraffeski Mon 08-Aug-05 13:57:40

Message withdrawn

dejags Mon 08-Aug-05 13:59:07

better yet sprinkle olbas on the pepper, poor bugger will get the fright of it's life next time it decides to use your garden as it's lav

cupcakes Mon 08-Aug-05 13:59:26

you could hang cd's from strings in the garden - the cat sees its reflection, thinks it's another cat and scarpers.
Or (extreme here) you could get your own, litter tray trained cat. That would keep the other one away!
Seriously though, we had this same problem at our old house and it was horrible. I have less trouble now having a cat of our own. She is trained and clean and she keeps all other cats away.

BearintheBigBlueHouse Mon 08-Aug-05 14:00:15

Hatstand, no I don't know whose it is, it operates under cover of darkness. If I did know, I'd be saving the turds up and posting them (pouring some of them) through their letter box.

Blu, don't have night-vision sight on my rifle , so it would be a literal shot in the dark.

Will try the Olbas Oil route to see if that gets any results, thanks.

MissBegotten Mon 08-Aug-05 14:01:02

Water pistol? I know this only helps when you actually SEE the cat, but if every time you see it in your garden, you soak it thru, it will surely get the message and will avoid your place!

handlemecarefully Mon 08-Aug-05 14:01:27

Uggh I dislike cats. Think you are justified in wanting to off it!

Lots of good suggestions here. I hope that some work for you.

Mum2girls Mon 08-Aug-05 14:02:10

Orange peel - apparently they hate it.

Or you could rig up some electric wires around the garden and switch on after nightfall.....

WigWamBam Mon 08-Aug-05 14:02:23

Wouldn't shelling out for the plants or the spiky stuff be better than having to go out every day clearing up the poo? Better for your blood pressure as well ...

The Olbas oil trick does work, and so does any sort of citrus oil; cats really don't like the stuff. Even just throwing orange peel on the bits the cat uses can help.

piffle Mon 08-Aug-05 14:03:16

sprinkler, leave it on overnight... waste of water yes but it sorts cats out dead quick
Failing that get your own cat... its the only thing that truly works...

littlerach Mon 08-Aug-05 14:03:55

Citronella oil - they hate that.

Or my grandma swears by Jays fluid, liberally poured on the gound - it burns their feet.

madmarchhare Mon 08-Aug-05 14:05:14

Segments of orange/lemon?, apparently they dont like citrusy (sp?) stuff.

WigWamBam Mon 08-Aug-05 14:05:16

OK, you'll splutter at the price, but how about The Scarecrow Water Jet ?

SaintGeorge Mon 08-Aug-05 14:05:48

I tried the citrus oils and Olbas - damn neighbouring cat still wrecked my garden. Even my own cat didn't put it off coming in (my cat is trained to use one part of the garden only, near the compost heap).

Finally cracked it with scrunched up bits of tin foil all over the flower beds. Looked stupid but put the cat off for long enough to break the habit.

Mum2girls Mon 08-Aug-05 14:06:17

LOL!! WWB - that is brilliant.

Branster Mon 08-Aug-05 14:09:06

get a dog!

handlemecarefully Mon 08-Aug-05 14:16:56

I wonder if the scarecrow water jet would work on chickens?

I let my 3 chickens roam the garden as I think it is cruel to coop them up, but chickens crap on average once every 3 minutes. I don't mind them pooping on the grass - we have a wide expanse of lawn so it is well distributed. But they sh^% all over the patio where the children play in the sandpit, and on the front drive near the front door - so it is a health hazard to the kids. Am wondering whether I should get one of those and position it near the patio to keep them off...

BearintheBigBlueHouse Mon 08-Aug-05 14:17:26

Pepper & jeyes fluid - I still want DD &DS to be able to enjoy the garden so those are no goes.

Re: shelling out for stuff - I've already spent £30 odd quid on the ultrasonic doofer. I've since found out that old cats that are hard of hearing and siamese cats that are so inbred don't hear it - d'oh! It didn't say that on the box.

Can't get a cat (or a dog) - I'm allergic to the fur.

Had already thought of pumping thousands of volts through the lawn, but we do like the blackbirds and woodpigeons, so discounted that one. And we didn't think the neighbours would like it too much if we wired up the fences.

The Scarecrow water jet I had seen, but did balk at the price. If I could identify the owner I could bill them for it.

Citronella/oranges & lemons - will try with the Olbas. i don't want to knacker the lawn though. It may be small but it's nice. The place will smell like a Tunes factory before long.

BearintheBigBlueHouse Mon 08-Aug-05 14:18:04

BTW thanks everyone.

motherinferior Mon 08-Aug-05 14:18:55

You can get cat-repellant spray...

On behalf of all cat-owners everywhere, my deepest sympathies and apologies

SaintGeorge Mon 08-Aug-05 14:24:42

Just re-read your original post.

If all the poo is on the lawn/patio/behind tubs are you sure it is a cat? Most cats prefer to at least attempt to bury their waste so usually avoid hard surfaces. Lawns do get targetted but normally only if the grass is quite long.

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