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You're expecting card

(13 Posts)
PeachyClair Wed 03-Aug-05 09:04:12


An opinion plese?

For years, whenever a friend has announced she is expecting, I have made and sent a card to say congratulations, after about 12 weeks.

However, I have been told on a craft site that I am entirely out of order as if the baby is lost the parents will be hurt by my card.

My own instinct (and my Mum's, who lost 5) is to say that when a baby dies, it's relationship, however brief, with the mum doesn't vanish, and a card might just be a nice keepsake. But am I getting it very wrong? Don't want to upset anyone sending these!

womba1 Wed 03-Aug-05 09:06:36

out of order??? wtf!!! i think it's a lovely idea Peachyclair and i wish i'd had such reminders when my son was stillborn several years ago.
Just shows what a caring person you are x

suzywong Wed 03-Aug-05 09:06:44

since you ask, I think it may cause more anguish than anything if a baby is lost, and regardless of what you perceive that relationship to be between mother and unborn child it could be very upsetting

Sorry to be blunt

LilacLotus Wed 03-Aug-05 09:07:59

i've never sent anyone a card to congratulate for getting pregnant, only when they actually have the baby.

Moomin Wed 03-Aug-05 09:08:11

I had my first from a neighbour when I was about 15wks. Must say, I was a bit surprised and thought it was a bit 'american' (no offence meant - just there seems to be a card for every occasion nowadays!). But I just saw it as a nice gesture in the end. Wouldn't have been upset if I'd miscarried - it's not the neighbour's fault! and I guess it's only the same as saying 'congrats' but putting it in writing.

PeachyClair Wed 03-Aug-05 09:09:36

I do make cards for every occasion- not coz I'm American, but coz I like making cards, and I guess people expect it from me, especially as I live away from friends and family

vickiyumyum Wed 03-Aug-05 09:10:57

a congratulations card is a nice idea, we had a couple when i was expecting my first and they were greatly appreciated and like you said if anything had of happened i would have had a nice reminder of a special time.

i think people can be to PC these days, its very rare that something will happen to the baby, but just in today heightened society we don't seem to be able to look on the brightside.

the main thing is did your freind apprecitate the card?

Moomin Wed 03-Aug-05 09:11:23

I should add though - if it became the 'norm' then that would be different. I wouldn't like a whole stack of cards sent. I only liked it as it was on its own. Don't know why exactly... spose it's a bit 'previous'. Many people are very wary in early pregnancy; some don't mind. I think you'd have to know the individual fairly well and guage what their reaction is likely to be..

Windermere Wed 03-Aug-05 09:13:50

I received one and although it was a nice gesture, I thought it was a bit premature and I actually threw it away. Some people are more superstitious than others .

PeachyClair Wed 03-Aug-05 09:14:34

That's what I thought Moomin: I only send to close friewnds / sisters, the last one was to a lady who'd been my friend since 12 and had conceived with IVF. Once she got past the 12 week stage she went baby buying crazy, so I figured it was safe to celebrate- she certainly was!!

Springchicken Wed 03-Aug-05 09:16:31

I think its a lovely idea PC.

When i was expecting DD my brother and my best friends mum both sent us cards top say congratulations. Alot of people did think it was strange but i personally thought it was a lovely idea and still have the cards in DD's with all of her other special things.

Hulababy Wed 03-Aug-05 21:17:31

I have recieved cards to congratulate us on being pregnant in the past. The first card I recieved just before I mc (very early). It did not cause me any offence or upset afterwards. I think I may still have it in a box somewhere. My pregancy was, at the time, soemthing to celebrate, especially as it had taken so long. I was pleased to think my friends agreed.

And after 12 weeks, or that first scan is statistically a much safer period.

I think it is a lovely idea.

WestCountryLass Wed 03-Aug-05 21:43:45

I've got one card congratulating me on my first pregnancy and it is in my LOs memory box I am glad for all the reminders of my babys short life.

I wonder if the person who said that to you is a fair bit older as previous generations did tend to sweep baby loss under the carpet?

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