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Refuge? Anyone been there?

(19 Posts)
rattie2307 Tue 02-Aug-05 03:05:41

Hi, don't know if anyone is still out there? But has anyone ever been in a refuge center, I have decided to get out and have been told I have a place in a womens refuge tomorrow (Tues). But I don't know if I am going the right way about it. Thankfully this is not because of physical abuse but mental and emotional and I am the end of all reserves and need somewhere to escape with DS and DD but without burdening my parents and family. I could go on and on but I really need to start packing! Any one still awake?

monkeytrousers Tue 02-Aug-05 11:34:03

Are you still around Rattie?

Blu Tue 02-Aug-05 12:11:41


I know there are women on MN who have been in refuges, rattie.

Don't forget to take all your important documents, and stuff for the kids, too. Bank books and all cards, passports, birth certificates, all benefit documenatation, etc etc - you won't get any co-operation if you need to retrieve stuff later on. Any documents about things that are in your name or joint name: mortgage, joint bank accounts, insurance, any pension schemes.

Good luck - i am sure you will get lots of help in the refuge.

monkeytrousers Tue 02-Aug-05 12:13:18

Let us know how you're doing Rattie. Good luck.

fireflyfairy2 Tue 02-Aug-05 12:16:41

DH's auntie was in a womans refuge for a few weeks when her hubby threw her down the stairs. She was treated with respect and had her own room. She made some good friends in there too.
I know you said thnakfully it was phsyical abuse..but mental and emotional abuse is every bit as bad Rattie.

Wishing you luck and sending you strength.. hopefully you'll get the help you need and the support you deserve in the refuge xx

happymerryberries Tue 02-Aug-05 12:18:39

My cousin (who was a battered wife) spends a lot of time helping at the local refuge. They are vital and so supportive. She describes it as 'tatty' but a life line!

happymerryberries Tue 02-Aug-05 12:19:02

Sorry, and every good wish to you and you chidren.

rattie2307 Tue 02-Aug-05 13:45:46

Many thanks everyone, been delayed untill tomorrow, but everyone I have spoken to so far have been a great help. Initially I was a bit worried that I didn't really need help in this way and that I would be taking away a safe place for someone in much worse than my situation, but now I managed to speak to a few people, like my sister and best friend they have all said that it will help me get myself sorted and rested even if only for a few days or a week. I have even managed to get my cats in a foster care scheme! As I know he won't look after them. Just trying to make sure I have every thing I will need, just in case I cannot get back into the house later, but without making it obvious when he comes home later as to what is going on. I will let you all know how it's going and many thanks again for your support.

monkeytrousers Tue 02-Aug-05 13:46:51

Take care Rattie. x

piffle Tue 02-Aug-05 13:56:42

Rattie my mum left my Dad when I was 11 and we went to a refuge, not becuase he was violent but because he was controlling and emotionally cold towards her and she had no where else safe to go.
It was an exceptionally warm and supportive place to go to for kids in trauma from leaving their Dad, they gave Mum counselling, sorted out benefits officers and housing for us as well. It also gave my Dad the jolt he needed to sort himself out, they never reconciled but he became an awesome Daddy after that
Good luck Rattie xxxxxxxxxxxx

rattie2307 Tue 02-Aug-05 14:17:25

Hi Piffle many thanks for your suuport. My ds is almost 2 and my dd is 7mo. I know dp loves them but he does nothing for or with them and barely plays with ds, sometimes its almost like its a task for him and he has not once helped with ds during the night, ok I am still bf but he couldn't even tell you how she likes to go sleep, how long shes slept etc. I am hoping this will also give him the jolt needs to sort himself out, deffinately no chance for me and him, but he is going to miss alot of their growing up otherwise and I am not planning on living near him so he will have to make an effort to see them.

saadia Tue 02-Aug-05 14:38:34

Good luck rattie I hope things work out for you. Was very sad to read your post, but you sound calm and as though you will be able to handle things. Once again, good luck and keep in touch whenever you can.

Loobie Tue 02-Aug-05 17:39:00

I would also try to take anything of great sentimental value in case he does anything with it.Other than that i agree with blu on all the documentation you can lay your hands on in case you cant get back inlater or he destroys it.
Im so sorry to hear that you are having to go through this but well done for being strong enough to get yourself and your kiddies out of this obviously unpleasent situation,i hope all works out well for you in the future.

piffle Tue 02-Aug-05 18:00:09

I think you're bieng very brave and circumspect and forward looking Rattie
I don't know here you're located but if I can be of any help at any time I'd be happy to oblige

jamboure Tue 02-Aug-05 19:13:42

good luck rattie!!!!!

my sil was in a refuge too. She went because of domestic violence.

Initially she said it was hard but once she adjusted to her "new" life she was fine. She stayed there for around 7 weeks and was then given her own council house.

She had 2 kids at the time and thankfully they are ok. Well done for being strong

SEnding big ))))))))))HUGS(((((((((((((( to you and your children, speak to you once you are all settled

rattie2307 Wed 03-Aug-05 00:53:26

Well I'm off to bed to try and get some sleep working on nervous energy now. I've got bags hidden everywhere, just hope they all fit in car! Went well tonite hardly spoke to each other, he didn't even realise dd has first tooth through today untill I pointed it out! But hey.

Piffle many thanks again and I would love to take you up on your offer etc but I'm heading south.

Jamboure thanks for hugs just what I need right now.

Thanks again every one and I will let you know how its going when I get to a comp.

Chandra Wed 03-Aug-05 01:14:26

Best of luck Rattie, many hugs and strenght for the next days.

nightowl Wed 03-Aug-05 01:19:36

rattie, i think you are soo brave. personally i dont know anything about refuges but i have a friend who went to lots. she said she was well looked after. i dont know anything about your situation but i wish you all the best of luck xx

HappyHuggy Wed 03-Aug-05 02:18:45

sending positive thoughts and love and light to you rattie xxxx

(((((((((((hugs hun))))))))))))))

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