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Old friend upset and embarrassed me - what to do?

(15 Posts)
trefusis Mon 01-Aug-05 15:30:27

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ark Mon 01-Aug-05 15:58:44

If it were me I would call and rather assumpively say, I am phoning you just to check that you were absolutely drunk when you offended me by saying x - naturally y ou are not normally a sexist pig who thinks that women can only suceed in a career by sleeping her way to the top. And see what he says!

I personnally couldn't leave something like that - and for your own peace of mind you need to find out if that is what he thinks or if he was just drunk - either way it was wrong for him to say it and he should apologise.

Don't be embarassed, doubtless everyone thought he was drunk and he should be the embarrassed one! HTH

trefusis Mon 01-Aug-05 16:01:11

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Mojomummy Mon 01-Aug-05 16:01:52

HI there, very difficult situation.

Possible he had been thinking that for a while & the drink allowed him to say it.

Two choices really, either never see them again & let time heal, or call him & have a chat on the phone.

Presume he will be sober, so you could say, ooh you must have had a cracking hangover...etc etc, Do you remember saying blah blah blah. See how this goes, don't attack & if he's a friend worth his salt, he'll apologise (& I expect his wife had a bit of a go at him?). If he doesn't, well is he worth it ? Could you stay in contact with his wife ?

He's entitled to his opinions about how you got the job, but he made a fool out of himself not you - just remember that

PrettyCandles Mon 01-Aug-05 16:04:02

On the other hand, does it hugely matter? So what if someone thinks that you had 'help' getting your job? They might even envy you your supposed connections! It sounds to me more like he's jealous of you and your life, and that it was the drink talking.

I'm not sure I'd bother reacting, beyond perhaps telling him that his behaviour upset and offended you. If you want to get together with P's wife, then go ahead. It would be a shame if some silly comment on his part stopped you making a new friend.

compo Mon 01-Aug-05 16:07:17

Have you mentionmed it to K at all? If so he might be able to reassure you you that not everythig thinks that and perhaps shed some light on what made P so nasty?

ark Mon 01-Aug-05 16:07:59

Umm, as the heat is out of the situation and you don't want to be confrontational - it may just be worth you calling him for general catch up. As you said his wife heard it all, probably been reminding him of it ever since - he may well apologise and if not you can judge when you are on the phone if you would like to mention the incident or if you think it better to let it lie.

trefusis Mon 01-Aug-05 16:08:35

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trefusis Mon 01-Aug-05 16:11:51

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bosscat Mon 01-Aug-05 16:13:01

I'm sure its only him that thinks it. Sounds like he has deluded ideas about you and a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Don't take any notice but have a really good put down ready in case he ever says it again and don't let him get away with it.

trefusis Mon 01-Aug-05 16:25:00

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Hausfrau Tue 02-Aug-05 10:17:36

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trefusis Tue 02-Aug-05 18:06:07

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spidermama Tue 02-Aug-05 18:30:37

Easier said than done I know but try to let it wash over you. The emotion behind his behaviour (anger, resentment whatever it is) belongs to him, not you. It's connected to something deep in his psyche which has nothing to do with you.
Don't take it on for him.

I don't know if you're open to meditation, but there are easy ways to disperse the nasty taste this has left and free yourself from it through meditation.

If you prefer something more tangible, you could write him a letter, but DON'T send it. Let go of if by burning it or tearing it up and burying it somewhere.

God, do I sound like a mad old hippy or what? Ah well! It works for me.

trefusis Tue 02-Aug-05 19:01:14

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