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Am I being a mad, paranoid, over sensitive idiot again?

(8 Posts)
sweetkitty Wed 27-Jul-05 16:11:56

See what you think?

I have several what you would call close friends, one of whom I have asked to be DDs godparent (when we get around to having her christened) anyway my problem is with presents. Every year without fail I send them birthday presents and cards, now I do this because I want to not to get something back but it hurts when i don't even receive a card.

Last week was DD's first birthday and she received nothing from about 3 of my friends. This included her godmother who phoned a few days later and asked if she had a good birthday. A few of them have had 30th's recently including her godmother who had a party which I flew 400 miles to attend (with 9 month old DD) and bought a expensive present.

My 30th is next month and I would rather they sent DD a card than spend anything on me. None of these friends have children yet but I would fully expect to give their children Christmas and birthday presents.

One of my other friends who is in the same circle as them sent her a card and gift.

Does it sound like I am being really petty, I feel a bit used in that I always remember their birthdays go to the trouble of picking a nice gift and posting it to them yet they can't be bothered to send me or DD a card.

Chandra Wed 27-Jul-05 16:16:05

I'm rubish at remembering birthdays that's why I never get annoyed when somebody forget ours, actually, it is not uncommon that I have forgot about it myself

I get birthday presents and cards if I feel like doing it but never expect the same in return. It actually bothers me more to have people telling me "Oh I still need to get you/your DS a present", if they get it thank you, if they don't... fine with us.

Bugsy2 Wed 27-Jul-05 16:51:33

sweetkitty, you are kind and thoughtful and it is great that you remember so many birthdays. Your friends aren't bad or mean, they are probably just forgetful or don't set as much store by these things as you.
If you may feel used because you or your dd don't receive a gift back - then you may want to have a think about why you are sending gifts in the first place. A gift has to be just that - something that you are happy to give in the knowledge that it is a gesture that may never be returned!!!

sweetkitty Wed 27-Jul-05 17:17:32

I know it's not the gift or the expense just that they seem too busy to even send a card, I've had the oh I'll send DD something later and it never turns up which is like fine but don't keep saying you will send her something.

I have all the birthdays I need cards for in my address book and at the start of each month I look at it and go and buy the cards/gifts I need.

I think from next year I will only send cards no gifts that way I'm still remembering their birthdays but can cut out the expense of presents the justification is that now we are only on one income.

Pinotmum Wed 27-Jul-05 17:49:00

I know how you feel. One of my closest friends who is childless never bought either of mine a birth gift even though she asked on each occasion what could she get them. She then stopped sending birthday and xmas presents and now not even birthday cards. She was a witness at my wedding. She does send me a birthday card though which I think is strange.

Blackduck Wed 27-Jul-05 17:55:29

This is one of my pet hates (thou' I have experienced it the other way round as well - for years we received no presents from dp's brother and family because his brother and sister had agreed that they would only buy for each other's kids. We weren't told this and had no kids at the time, so were buying everyone presents - really peed me off...) Dp's family (expect his mum) never send him a b'day card let alone pressie!

bosscat Wed 27-Jul-05 18:25:35

I have experienced similar and realised that some people just can't be arsed to send cards and presents. I now don't bother sending theirs any either and then I don't feel irritated. I did get annoyed with one particular friend who was the worst offender but who expected 20 people to go to an obscure island on her 30th incurring vast amounts of dosh plus presents and cards and who sent me not so much as a card for mine. She also sent me an email saying my kids xmas presents were in the post only for me to have to run out and get hers some, I sent mine, hers never came! I now send her absolutely nothing, not even invitations just can't be bothered. Some people are just takers in life and give nothing back. Some people though genuinely don't want to do the whole present and card thing so you just have to be upfront and establish that I think.

WideWebWitch Wed 27-Jul-05 19:11:28

I haven't read the other replies but I only remember childrens' birthdays if a. they're related to me or b. we're invited to a party to celebrate. I certainly wouldn't expect childless friend (not that I've got any!) to remember my childrens birthdays. Godmothers ought to remember I feel though. I'd stop doing presents for them tbh.

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