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should i stay or should I go

(10 Posts)
TwinSetAndPearls Mon 25-Jul-05 11:18:45

As you may have seen from my other thread i live in a town which I don't like, I have struggled to make friends here and many of my weekends are spent in tears as i feel trapped. This is placing a strain on dp and I relationship and turning me into someone I don't really like.

I have convinced dp that we should move and he is looking for work, but I have been up all night worrying.

I am a trained teacher who stopped work when she became pregnant as the stress of the school environment was making me ill. I had to fight to get out of my contract and I am not sure if I woudl get a good reference. I then had a series of health problems which resulted in me being hospitalised for three months. With my medical record I doubt I would walk straight back into a job. Having dd has enabled me to hide my illness as I can claim that I left work to be at home with her rather than because I was ill. However my hospital admission is on my record and can't be disguised.

I now work p/t for a charity and they have made it clear that when dd goes to school they want to give me full time work. If I move I will have to build up my reputation from scratch and they may not wish to see beyond my health record. Should I stay somewhere that I am unhappy because it will enable me to get back on the career ladder so that in a few years I can move hvaing got back into work, with a good referencer under my belt. Or should I take a chance and say well you managed to rebuild your repuatation here so you could do it anywhere and move to somewhere I would feel personally happier.


kid Mon 25-Jul-05 11:21:25

As a trained teacher, couldn't you do angency work? I definatley wouldn't stay somewhere if I was unhappy just so I could work.

TwinSetAndPearls Mon 25-Jul-05 11:24:52

Have thought about this option, but as any teacher would tell you being a cover teacher is av=bout as tough as it gets. I left my last teaching job due to stress so don't kow if this woudl be a good idea!

I am not sure if I will go back into teaching, am doing a psychology degree and want to go into child counselling or somehting similar. the job lined up for me here would be an excellent stepping stone.

kid Mon 25-Jul-05 11:29:25

How old is your DD?
Are there any other mums with children the same sort of age that can help you meet people?
I'm sorry if these questions seem silly, I don't 'know' you or your situation.

lewislewis Mon 25-Jul-05 14:23:20

I think you know the answer: you are obviously very unhappy in Blackpool, do not stay. You could certainly get work in the charity field in London, not sure I would advice anybody to get back into teaching in London, terribly stressfull. My sister does supply work a couple of days a week to pay for her studies, she only does it for the money to be honest, she gets sent to very rough schools, the stories she comes back with are incredible. I think supplying is probably a good idea until you find something more satisfying.

lunavix Mon 25-Jul-05 14:36:54

Twinset - I'd stay and do the charity work and then move once you have that experience as a stepping stone.

From what I remember, you run playgroups? Excuse my nosiness but it sounds great, how did you get the job? And what exactly do you do/would you do if you were full time? Sorry to hijack.

TwinSetAndPearls Mon 25-Jul-05 19:05:41

Kid, my dd is three, I am out and about all the time and have lots of acquaintances, so many infact that dp laughs that going into down is a bit like a royal visit as we are stopped every other minute by somone wanting to say hello.

When I lived in London I had friends who had been through real life changing experiences with me such as going to uni, getting first job, getting married etc. I also found that because the school I worked in was so tough the friendships I made were very strong. I miss that, I have friends here, people I go out with but nothing that strong.

I got the job I have now through being a volunteer, i used to help out but was approached about a paid position a few hours a week. I run two groups, both linked with children's centres, I plan the activities according to curriculum guidelines, do publicity, manage my staff (soon to be 2!)as well as lead activities, meet greet families and xometimes act as the link to appropriate support agencies where necessary. I do love it, and it is a job in which the more I know the less I seem to know - if that makes sense. The groups I run are my babies, I set them up and have built their excellent reputation.It also ties in with my psychology degree well and work is also funding me to get an early years qualification.

I love working as early years, I make so much more difference now than I ever did as a school teacher. When dd goes back to wor I would be involved in the children's centre's full time running schemes such as the ones I do now on a full time basis, there is also a chance that I would be a link between home and school, an impartial observer and advisor when the relationship goes wrong. We have so many children here who just never go to school and I could be involved in getting them back into education by being a non official non judgemental person.

I am so passionate about my job, I have also worked so hard to build up an excellent reputation with the education, social and early years services here. Every meeting I go to I seek out people I think would be good contacts and I introduce myself, every document I produce is clearly labelled with my name. I have worked voluntarily when i was flat broke and could ahve done with paid work because I could see that it woudl lead somewhere. If I moved I would have to do all of this again.

Maybe I should just accept that for ther next few years ( I am thinking 3 maximum) I am going to have to stay here and just get on with it. I have spent the whole day trying to think positive thoughts about living here. I even approached a fellow leftie arty crafty mum and invited dd and myself over for lunch. While dd is on holiday I am going to try really hard to turn a corner.

Caligula Mon 25-Jul-05 19:09:48

Twinset, how long have you worked for this charity? IME, application forms only ask you about sick leave in the last3 years (that's the max I've been asked about). Can you stick it out so that you've done at least 3 years there? If they're a national charity, is there any chance of transferring?

Lucycat Mon 25-Jul-05 19:11:56

You sound an inspirational person twinset! you clearly have lots of friends to lean on and hopefully they can help you with your decision.

Would it be possible to transfer the skills that you clearly have (to London, is it?) and try and use your contacts to work at what you are doing, and are clearly very good at, if a move came up for you.

Avoid teaching if it's so stressful and as an ex-teacher I know it is. Do you have a pregnant schoolgirl unit near you, I have a friend who teaches in our 'local' one and thinks it is fantastic? Just a different thought!

TwinSetAndPearls Mon 25-Jul-05 19:23:29

I don't think you would think me inspirational if you saw me having my seekly saturday night tantrum which invloves me shouting at dp

" I hate living here... I wanna go out..... there is nothing to do..... I am leaving...sob ..sob.. poor me...

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