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What should I do about my very unreliable friend?

(10 Posts)
JuicyLucy2 Mon 18-Jul-05 11:40:59

A close friend of mine is extremely unreliable. I have known her for years and we got on very well but she consistently lets me down. The last 3 times we have made arrangements to meet up, and she waits until the very last minute to let me know she can't make it.

It's got to the point that I don't want to arrange anything. However, she always tries to sort something else out and keeps saying 'I promise not to let you down' this time.

I want to talk to her about this but don't want to fall out with her about something so minor. Advice needed pleaase.

Thanks in advance!

Fio2 Mon 18-Jul-05 11:44:18

oh no i did this to someone last week

TracyK Mon 18-Jul-05 11:46:24

Just agree with her whenever she wants to arrange something - but go ahead and make other arrangements anyway.
My friend is ALWAYS late so now I just add 45 minutes onto the agreed time before arriving.

JuicyLucy2 Mon 18-Jul-05 11:55:12

Fio 2 - I'm sure you are not as consistently unreliable as my friend. I don't mind the odd occasion but it's just she does it to me so much. Besides, you have a child and she doesn't.

Tracy - Good idea. Thanks!

Earlybird Mon 18-Jul-05 12:45:18

I have a friend who used to be like this when she was in a "high powered" job. She was always cancelling, extremely late, etc. Like you, I was afraid of being unreasonable, so I tolerated it. But, it is upsetting because when it happens consistently, because it shows a lack of respect for the other person's time and feelings. I'd look forward to seeing her, but then when she showed up an hour late, would feel angry which definitely cast a shadow on our time together.

She took a year off work, and is now much more reliable. However, she recently said to me that she used to behave that way because she knew she could, and I'd let her get away with it.

Hard as it is to do, I think you need to talk to your friend about it, and say it upsets you. Or, if you're a coward, always have her over to your place so you can be getting on with things while you "wait" for her!

Raspberry Mon 18-Jul-05 12:49:15

If you have known her for years and she has always been like this, presumably up to now you have accepted her behaviour.

I suggest you look to why you can no longer accept it. When you know the answer to this, then you will know what to do about it.

JuicyLucy2 Mon 18-Jul-05 13:07:18

I haven't really thought of it that way. I guess the reason I feel fed up with it now is because I'm now SAHM and so quite look forward to meeting up with my friend more than before. Maybe before, I was busy with work and had a more active social life so it wasn't a huge deal. I also feel like an idiot for allowing her to treat me like this for so long. I'm annoyed at myself for not making a big deal of it.

I think you are right Earlybird, she continues to treat me like this because I allow her to do it. I think when I next see her (assuming she doesn't let me down again ) I will bring it up.

TracyK Tue 19-Jul-05 08:38:16

I think you should tell her that JL2 - she prob deosn't even realise how upsetting it is. I think you should explain to her how much more your meeting mean now - I'm sure she'll be shocked but quite flattered.

TracyK Tue 19-Jul-05 08:38:20

I think you should tell her that JL2 - she prob deosn't even realise how upsetting it is. I think you should explain to her how much more your meeting mean now - I'm sure she'll be shocked but quite flattered.

TracyK Tue 19-Jul-05 08:38:23

I think you should tell her that JL2 - she prob deosn't even realise how upsetting it is. I think you should explain to her how much more your meeting mean now - I'm sure she'll be shocked but quite flattered.

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