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4 year old dd wants her ears pierced ... aaaarrghhhh

(116 Posts)
WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:25:47

I didn't really expect to have to deal with this so soon!

Both dh and I have agreed that if dd wants her ears pierced when she's 13 or so then that's fine - but she wants it done now, and she's only just 4.

I thought I could reason with her, but she has an answer for everything. The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: No, you're too young to have your ears pierced.
DD: J has hers pierced, Mummy, and she's younger than me.
Me: Well, it doesn't really matter if J has them. I just don't think it's very sensible to have them done until you're older.
DD: J's Mummy is sensible, she's a nurse, and she let J have hers done.
Me: I'm sure she's very sensible, but I still think you're too young. Sometimes other people do things that we don't like, and that's OK if that's what they have decided, but that doesn't mean that it's the right thing for us to do.
DD: If J's Mummy is sensible then that means she does the right things, doesn't it?
Me: Not always, because sometimes it hurts to have your ears pierced, and you have to know how to look after them.
DD: I'm sensible and clever though, so you can show me how to look after them. And I don't mind if it hurts; I'm very brave when things hurt. Anyway, Mummy, you haven't got your ears pierced, so you don't know. J has, and she knows, and it didn't hurt her.

And on ... and on ... and on ...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm not interested in whether it's right or wrong, I don't want another argument, but I need help to put my foot down and convince her ... I think I'm losing this one.

I did think about telling her that her ears will turn green and fall off, but somehow I don't think she'd believe me

SoupDragon Thu 14-Jul-05 18:26:58

"NO and that's the end of it"

I think that's where my line of reasoning would go now

WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:28:19

I know ... I tried that as well, but she still keeps harping on.

Normally I can convince her but she really has her heart set on this.

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:28:24

just say NO

(ie do not enter into arguments over whether it is right/wrong/makes your earlobes fall off: it's a NO even if it's a life-enhancing experience suitable for J and the like)

jampots Thu 14-Jul-05 18:28:36

just say "no because mummy says"

WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:29:30

"No" is where we started from ... she forms a very wearing argument for a 4 year old!

nutcracker Thu 14-Jul-05 18:29:56

I wouldn't have a prob with it but if you don't want her to have them done then I think you should just say no and not enter into a debate over it.

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:31:08

and if she wears you down, what kind of message does that give? just say NO

SoupDragon Thu 14-Jul-05 18:31:13

"Daddy and I have decided that you can have them done when you are 13. I didn't have mine done until I was XX." (not much use if you had them done before 4 though!)

frogs Thu 14-Jul-05 18:32:03

"Which bit of NO do you not understand?"

or:

"Because I am the boss of you, and I say so."

Very democratic parenting style in our house, you see.

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:32:15

a girl in my junior school called Sandra Williams pulled the desk lid down and pulled her own earrings out when she was about 7 or 8. it was horrific. and you can quote me on that.

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:32:28

offer her something else.

Aero Thu 14-Jul-05 18:33:08

Same here Soupie! Dd is after havinmg hers done too and I've told her that when she is 12 or 13 she can have then done then. I told her that's how old I was when I had mine done.
I'd just say that you are not happy for her to have them done at her age and that's that really. Other people think differently, but you are her mother and are responsible for making decisions for her until she is old enough to make them for herself and if not having them pierced is your decision, then she has to learn to live with that.

WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:33:30

I think she's only after having it done because her friend has them, and she's too young to understand the other implications.

I've never been the sort to just say "Because I say so" - I've always felt that she's bright enough to have an explanation, so have given one.

Wish I hadn't now!

hercules Thu 14-Jul-05 18:33:54

Just say no and you are not going to discuss it further and ignore her if she carries on.

Aero Thu 14-Jul-05 18:34:16

Not to mention accidents like bundle describes.

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:34:22

who's the grown up round here?

Pinotmum Thu 14-Jul-05 18:34:34

Say you'll talk about it more when she 5 to buy you a bit of time or say "enough" using the hand palm signal "I'm not arguing about it" which normally works with my 4 yo though she does huff and puff abit.

SoupDragon Thu 14-Jul-05 18:35:08

I always offer explanations and end up with "because I said so" when I'm bored with the discussion

Say she can have her belly button pierced instead.

<<chuckle>>

WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:35:15

Good question, bundle

WigWamBam Thu 14-Jul-05 18:35:38

Mmmm, she'd take me up on that one, SD ...

SoupDragon Thu 14-Jul-05 18:37:45

bundle Thu 14-Jul-05 18:38:41



what about a tongue piercing?

Aimsmum Thu 14-Jul-05 18:44:55

Message withdrawn

Twiglett Thu 14-Jul-05 18:48:35

stop reasoning with her

just say NO

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