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what to do...

(8 Posts)
babyonboard Wed 13-Jul-05 15:51:36

bit of a long rant here, but seeing your responses to other peoples situations i am hoping some of you have the patience to read this and offer a little advice.

we have lived in our flat for 5 years now. it is a lovely two bed, overlooking the park and we have become very attached to it.
it is kind of owned by my dp. what happened was when we decided to move into our first place together his parents sold two flats that they owned and put the money into this (bear in mind the flats were in eastern europe so not worth a great deal..but enough for a very generous deposit)
dps parents had both been bought the flats when they first moved out of home, using money from previous property which had always been used by his family to give their children a good start. this tradition goes back many generations, with each adding a little more 'to the pot'
we were lucky to get quite a bargain for the part of london we are in, and the flat needed a lot of renovations which we have lovingly taken care of over the years. the mortgage has been in his parents name, but we have been in charge of meeting the repayments (being students and then first jobbers there was no way it could be in dps name at the moment). when we were both at uni we did this by having flatmates in the spare room and making up the rest ourselves.
our current flatmate is due to move to new zealand in october, but this is ideal as we are expecting our baby in november.
only problem is my dp is still on a fairly low wage at the moment and i will only be getting state maternity allowance, so money will be a little tight. i know we can manage, but my dp is convinced that we should still rent out the room. perhaps i am being selfish, but i do not see it as a 'luxury' to have our own place with a newborn, more of a neccesity! and we will obviously need the room in a year or so when the baby has grown a bit.
to make things even more comlicated his parents are in the process of a messy divorce and his dad has decided to sell up and cash in on his half of the flat. this is something that has really upset my dp and his family, who are disgusted that he is taking money that was never meant for him. his dad is not a bad person, but he does have a new girlfriend who earns several times his wage, and is often taking them on trips around europe..she even wants to buy a yacht!, so i can only assume he wants the money so he can feel a bit more equal in that relationship.
our options now are sell the flat entirely, in which case we could put half the profit into another place and start again (but we would probably have to 'downgrade' if that happens. accept his mums offer to buy out his dad and then continue as before with a higher mortgage payment (and tbh..even talking about this as a possibilty is driving me crazy, she wants us to ask estate agents to 'devalue' the flat, and they are using myself and dp as mediators, refusing to speak to each other.)we would prefer not to get too much more financially entangled with her really. gain accept her offer, but rent out the whole flat, which would cover the mortgage and then rent elsewhere (but we are in london, and even a studio flat will be more to rent than the mortgage on this place, though in this situation at least his mum will be making a bit of profit back by renting) tell them to sort it out themsleves, and just find our own place (again..will cost us more..but may save us the trouble)
another issue is, all of our family are at least 200 miles away. a good way to get out of this financial bind would be to move closer to them, as it would be markedly cheaper than in london. i also feel that being around family will be essential with a baby, and can imagine myself going craxy here while dp is out at work. dp is dead against this, and says he will do anything he can to stay in london, he sees moving back as 'failing' in some way, even though i have said it doesnt have to be forever. all our friends , and of course our family are behind me on this one, but he won't budge. fair enough there is more to do in london, but i'm not sure that thought will comfort me when i can't get the pushchair down the three flights of stairs just to go out shopping, or try to cram onto a packed bus full of ignorant unhelpful people on my own.
then again, having this baby was unplanned and he has wholeheartedly thrown himself into the situation, and i don't want to force another big life change on him if it will make him unhappy.
so what to do? this is something we need to sort out asap, and i just cannot come up with a good plan. my family and friends are very biased in what they want, so cannot offer impartial advice.

spacecadet Wed 13-Jul-05 16:01:19

gosh, there is quite a lot going on.
firstly with respect to dp's parents.
i think you need to get some legal advice rearding ownership of the property as this is a tricky situation, secondly, i wouldnt accept his mums offer to buy out her husbands share of the property, is fil actually named on the mortgage? if not, i dont think he has any right to take a share if he hasnt been paying towards it and there is no paperwork, it could be seen as a gift if they effectively just helped out with the purchase.
i would avoid getting involved with dp's parents asa mediator, its up to them to sort things out, they shouldnt use you and dp.
also, i would suggest that the ideal soloution would be to sell and move out of london, you will be surprised what you will get for your money elsewhere and it sounds like with a baby on the way, you need a more suitible property.

babyonboard Wed 13-Jul-05 16:05:49

yes it is under joint ownership between his parents, though obviously not for long.
as for mediating we are trying our best but they are driving us crazy. his dad will not speak to his mum unless through a solicitors letter, and she is complaining that this is costing her unneccesarly when we could 'just have a word'...aarrgghhh
it is getting so bad that dp gets me to pretend he is out when they call, which means i get the worst of it, and at any time- but worse with me being pregant- this is not something i should be stressing out over
i have looked into what we can get, if we sell this flat and his dads odes take half then we will have almost enough money to buy outright a three bed terrace in the nicest part of our old city. just don't think dp will ever agree, and as he is just starting out in a job here in london with brilliant prospects, may be a bit unfair to force it.

spacecadet Wed 13-Jul-05 16:13:40

ah, more tricky if joint ownership however, as you say dp willingly helped you get preg, for want of a better word and he has to think of you and your new baby, you could move to the suburbs, so that dp could commute to london, we live in cambridge and its a 45 min train journey but houses dont cost anywhere near as much as in london. would he not consider herts??

babyonboard Wed 13-Jul-05 16:19:55

well he is actually working in beckenham at the moment, which is a bit cheaper, but he will be relocated to the city after training. i was thinking north or west suburbs would be best if thats what we go for, as it makes an easier journey up north to see family.
he is being entirley supportive in every way, i cannot fault him, i just don't think he realises what an impact the baby will have ...perhaps if we do end up staying here hew ill decide for himself after a few months.
as for the flat, i am so tempted to just back out of the whole thing and leave them to it, but it would be a real shame as money will be eben tighter, and if we rent we will be limited in making the place feel like home iykwim

spacecadet Wed 13-Jul-05 16:23:14

yes, you dont want to rent,he may well see things diff when baby comes and realise the flat isnt suitible, but i still say get some legal advice anyway re the ownership, you dont need stress right now and you dont need to be having to deal with dp's parents marital probs IYSWIM.

babyonboard Wed 13-Jul-05 16:29:12

yes you are right..thanks for your advice, its comforting just to properly get these things off my chest. obviously my friends and family don't know all the details as they know his parents so i don't want to be airing their dirty laundry...

spacecadet Wed 13-Jul-05 16:31:34

i know what you mean, feel free to come here and rant though.

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