help me get through the day

[sorrel]

it is dd's birthday today and already i am stressed out. we are having a BBq which i have been organising for a couple of weeks. there are now 30 people coming.
dd opened her presents that have been sent by her grandparents this morning. they bought every single item that dh and i bought her. so we now have two of everything and dd is understandably disappointed. ( this was not a mistake- but quite deliberate as they can't stand us)
Then FIL phones and TELLS me he is bringing all the food for the BBQ( I have already got everything and spent week planning, so he is a bit late) I have not been able to persuade him to kindly put his stuff in the freezer. Of course he took great pleasure in telling me that you couldn't buy steaks any better than his as his butcher is the best.
I know I should be laughing. but I feel undermined and would really just like to go back to bed.
Please help me get through the rest of the day. The party doesn't start til 4.30........

[hunkermunker]

Happy birthday to your DD!

As they bought her the same things you did, take theirs back and exchange them for things your DD would like. You'll have the receipts!

And next year, tell them you're getting her different things.

They sound like total swines! But don't let them spoil your DD's day - or yours!

[charleepeters]

Happy birthday to your DD!!!!!

Sorry her grandparents are being awkward but do exchange things if you can at elast get store credit so DD can pick her own gifts.

Tell him to bring the bloomin food but serve your own if his goes to wase well tough! Its your DD's BBq not his so you ahould beable to serve what you want.

Hope you ave a great day.

[ScrewballMuppet]

This sounds very familiar to my in-laws. Take a deep breath forget about them and carry on doing what your doing. If when they come they try to get involved just reassure them everything is underhand and usher them away maybe getting them to do something trivial. If they come back reassure and usher away!
The receipt thing sounds great!

Happy Birthday to your DD!!! hope you have a lovely day the weather is going to be fantastic too!

[gigglinggoblin]

do you have room in your freezer for his stuff? when they bring it thank them and say it will be very useful if you run out. make sure your dp knows how you are feeling and what you want to do so you dont have any disagreements infront of them. then you can have another bbq next weekend with their food! (and if they have brought enough for 30 it should see you through the winter too). happy birthday to your dd, have a lovely day

[hunkermunker]

How would they react if you said "Let's not be childish on DD's special day, OK?"

[WideWebWitch]

Are you SURE they bought the same stuff as you deliberately? It sounds like such a horrible and childish thing to do to their granddaughter if so. I agree about the stuff, shove theirs in the freezer and thank them, can't see the problem with that tbh. So what, you end up with loads of nice stuff or he takes it back, he can't MAKE you serve that. Make sure you tell dh that's the plan though, agree, get him to back you up if there's any issue. And then just don't rise to it, they ought to be fairly diluted with 28 other people there. I agree about the presents too, take some back and buy her something else/a treat day out with the money. And don't tell them what you're getting next year.

[sorrel]

thanks everyone. dh just gave me a big hug and have both resolved to do our best to ignore him as much as possible.Dh knows exactly what his father is like.he is extremely manipulative and very sexist. he even asked me how many men would be there so he could bring steaks for them. direct hit at dh who is a vegetarian and doesn't play rugby.
the other grandparents( dd is my neice and they are her late mothers parents) thankfully are 200 hundred miles way. Most of the pressies are books which i bought on the internet. don't know if i can return them. I guess they can be given as pressies to friends of dd if not.

[anorak]

Oh sorrel they sound horrendous. I just don't understand why people make things difficult with this vindictive behaviour - life's hard enough with things we can't help - cancer, terrorists, you name it and some people aren't satisfied with the amount of misery in the world

Why on earth do you even have them at the party? There's a difference between being fair and voluntarily exposing yourself to being victimised.

[sorrel]

anorak- thanks for support. it is days like these when you wonder why you bother( Christmas round 2). my MIL is lovely and has been the most supportive of our situation. it is always when everybody gets together that the mudslinging starts. what bothers me more than anything is that very of few of the them have dd's interest or wellbeing at heart. . for some skewed reason they seem to think it is all about them. I have a constant battle on my hands trying to get them to think of things from dd's point of view. it always seems to turm into this big competetion, best present, most babysitting, etc. dd is starting to pick up on the frostiness. none of them see that this puts her in an impossible situation trying to please people instead of just being loved and having fun.
anyway. I am off to make a cake. if nothing else there will be stacks of food, and lots to drink!
thanks everyone- feel better just talking about it.

[Copper]

Sorrel
how did it all go?

[sorrel]

hi copper- it was of course fine in the end.Kids enjoyed it anyway( especially the treasure hunt thanks to MUMsnet help)
FIL did give a big speach about his butcher AND FORCED AT LEAST 6 PEOPLE INTO A STEAK!!!!!!, but fortuntely the little cousins were spectacularly distracting and had to be attended to at once!!!. Dh got him a girly apron to wear and we invited hime to do the cooking.( shut him up for a while.)
feel shattered now,as have only finished clearing up the garden in this incredible heat!
thanks everyone who helped me get through it all.
Have a fridge full of sausages, burgers, chicken legs, steaks , ribs, kebabs and chops. tried to stash as much in the freezer as possible, but it makes me sad that there is such a lot cannot be used because of the heat yesterday. I was so busy running around, a lot of it was sitting out for a long time.
oh well. glad it's over.
cinema with two friends next year i think!