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AWOL father in law

(5 Posts)
PeachyClair Tue 05-Jul-05 10:48:16

OK, brief update: FIL left mil in January, after 35 years, ran off with younger girly. FIL engaged after a few weeks, now has new house with her. MIL just getting life together, BIL had to mortgage away his life at 30 and take out a joint mortgage with her to save her home as FIL wanted money ASAP.

We have stayed in contact with both parties as after all, it is dh's mummy and daddy. Mil didnt like it at first, but has got used to it and accepted it as best she can. FIL was all over us at the start of this, but now he has vanished from our lives, kids (even the one named after him) havent seen him since January and we get a VERY occasional phone call, usually after something, and even they tailed off and noww there is nothing. Dh didnt even get a birthday card. Think new girly is at root of this as I dont think she likes us existing but cannot prove this.

Thing is, we share a similar social scene, and this focuses on a the Somerset Carnivals, whcih for us starts in Axminster next month. We'll have to be there as kids on a float, but fil will be there every time as his girly is also on another float. Would break dh's heart to pull out as this is his hobbies, friends, everything to him. Really scared though that fil will just blank kids? Eldest has Aspergers also, and doesnt need the pain. BUT they love the carnival, this is their hobbies also, we spend all year building the thing after all!.

What do I do?

I am tempted to call FIL and tell him to get his act together but when i phoned about him missing DH's birthday, apparently my fauly as he was just too loved up to remember eldest sons birthday, i got a massive mouthful as apparently the family was happy until i cruelly stole dh from them, when he left they couldnt cope. He was 27 for goodness sake!


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Bad enough he hurts dh, think I'll lose it if he blanks kids too!

alicatsg Tue 05-Jul-05 11:26:34

Don't let him cut you out of things that matter. He'll find it harder to blank the kids so prob won't and may even want to avoid confrontation himself so will go the polite but distant route. Have been in similar situation recently and honestly the anticipation was worse than the event.

Don't call him - will up the angst factor for you and doesn't sound like he'd listen anyway. Just have a ready made excuse to move away should things get5 nasty (lets go and... whyatever).

what a stupid man.

starlover Tue 05-Jul-05 11:34:51

why would you even consider not going????

I would definitely go. and if you see him say hello and be sickeningly nice!

nell12 Tue 05-Jul-05 19:43:04

agree with starlover. Be as nice as you can, then when things do start to mend themselves (fingers crossed) it will only be him who has to eat humble pie.
Go to the carnivals, but don't mention fil to the kids... they will probably be having so much fun they would not spot him unless he was right in front of them.
In laws eh? Who'd have em?!!

PeachyClair Tue 05-Jul-05 20:24:46

Good advice.

Found out today that fil's girly hasn't yet moved into new house and what is more, won't until it is 'perfect'. Oh yes, and the house is in her name, even though he paid for it and she still is living with her parents who do everything for her (she is 45). How fast is this going to implode??????

Thank goodness he can't commute to his work from Wales, but don't know where he will end up, he cut off all his relationships with this!

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