oh, i love them! you can have loads of fun!
if they ask you how are you today, say my god, you are the first person to ask me that in so long. my husband doesnt care, my kids are driving me bonkers, i've got this lump in my armpit thats quite sore, you cant see anything but its really annoying, my husband went down the pub again im sure he's playing away with the barmaid, i found a blonde hair on his jacket last night - im not blonde! etc etc - keep going for as long as you can in one unbroken sentence!
if they want you to get a loan, tell them that would be great, you could use the cash since the house is about to be reposessed, how much can they give you and how soon will you get it (alternativly, 'misunderstand' them and be so grateful that they have phoned you to GIVE you money! Be unable to understand when they try to correct you and keep thanking them for the gift and when will you get it)
keep asking them to repeat every sentence several times, keep interrupting them - could you say that again please
ask them for their name, (spelling please, how do you spell the company name, how long have they been operating, who's the managing director, where are they based, how many people work there etc etc
when they tell you their name eg Sarah, cry out oh my god SARAH, i thought i recognised your voice, how have you been, its been ages! fancy this, what a coincidence.
say sorry, but im not allowed to agree to anything without my lawyer present
say how interesting tell me more BITCH terribly sorry, i have toretts, STINKING WHORE, so sorry, please go on SLAG SLAG, no, i am listening PUT THE KETTLE ON please bear with me, F*K YOU TART, pardon me.................