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Is he mad or am I overprotective?

(25 Posts)
albert Thu 30-Jun-05 11:28:35

Due to our forthcoming move from Venice to Brazil DH and I are currently going through a logistical nightmare. He starts work in Brasilia on 22 August and wants to work for a month before we (I)make the move from Venice, just to check that we are actually doing the right thing. Once the decision has been made I will have to pack up the house contents and arrange the move (OMG), quit my job, tell the school, arrange the travel for DS and I etc. This morning DH has said he wants to take DS with him on 22nd so that I can do all this without DS under my feet. BUT DS is 5 and DH is proposing that he stays with his grandma who lives a 2 hour flight away from where DH will be working, but he says he will fly there each weekend. DS does not know his grandma (met her once when he was 2 1/2) and she has Parkinsons so she is not very able bodied although she has a live in help.
I have said no way do I want this to happen, I am quite happy to have DS with me and under my feet (DH words, not mine), infact I am devasted at the idea of sending him away for 2 months or so but DH says I'm being over protective. Please tell me I'm not, surely any Mum would feel as I do...wouldn't they?

Mum2girls Thu 30-Jun-05 11:29:35

I would, without a doubt.

zebraZ Thu 30-Jun-05 11:30:29

You're right, your DH is mental and treating your child like a dog (imho), not a child who needs consistent contact with close carers.

popsycal Thu 30-Jun-05 11:30:29

I would never do that. But maybe i am over protective

Listmaker Thu 30-Jun-05 11:32:54

I agree with you 100% albert. Your ds should be with you - my dds would be hysterical if I tried to leave them with someone they hardly knew for an hour and I don't blame them. I don't think I'm over-protective but kids that age need their parents. Don't let him go!!

albert Thu 30-Jun-05 11:33:52

Glad to know you're as outraged as I am. TBH I am stunned by DH, he is a fantastic father and I think it's partly to do with the fact that he also can't bear to be away from DS for a long time and would at least see him at weekend if we went with his mad idea.

Mum2girls Thu 30-Jun-05 11:34:25

albert - when I say 'I would' I meant that I would do the same as you - just re-read and realise it looks like I agree with your dh - which I don't.

assumedname Thu 30-Jun-05 11:35:28

Can't believe your dh has suggested that, tbh. Your ds is much better off with you.

Bugsy2 Thu 30-Jun-05 11:36:06

I think your DH probably has the best intentions albert and is trying to lighten your load without realising that the one bit of the "load" you don't mind having is your ds!!!!!

RTKangaMummy Thu 30-Jun-05 11:36:51

I would keep him with you DEFFO

Is it his idea or his mothers?

acnebride Thu 30-Jun-05 11:45:07

Good Lord! Keep him. Do you have a webcam/software so that you can 'see' each other while your dh is away? A friend whose dh is a sound engineer and away on tour a fair bit uses this so that her little dd can see her daddy/vice versa. She says it helps quite a bit.

Better to try and afford professional packers/movers IMO to reduce the load.

albert Thu 30-Jun-05 11:45:38

I think it was his Mums idea because she is desperate to see DS again and is very excited that we are moving back to Brazil after 12 years away.
Bugsy2 I think you're right, I'm sure DH is actually trying to be kind and help me out here, it's just not in his nature to be otherwise really.

RTKangaMummy Thu 30-Jun-05 11:49:30

Oh deffo keep him with you

IMHO otherwise you will be so miserable and worry all the time

Good ideare webcam for DH to be able to see him and visa versa

Tortington Thu 30-Jun-05 11:51:39

noway. i have been married for 16 years and wouldn't let my dh take my kids out of the country without me.

LIZS Thu 30-Jun-05 11:55:05

Oh what happened to the potential move to Switzerland !!!

Seriously your dh is barking. I'm sure your ds would be fine with you, even if he gets a bit under your feet,and you will certainly feel happier about it. At 5 he could be "helpful" of sorts and will be company for you. You don't need the additional stress of worrying over him on top of moving as well. They'll still be time for weekend jaunts to granma's when you get there.

albert Thu 30-Jun-05 11:58:35

Yeah, Switzerland fell through at the last hurdle, I would have much prefered it to Brazil. But Brazil is confirmed and accepted so off we go. Can't say I'm thrilled at the prospect but it could be worse, Mozambique was on the cards at one point!
Great idea about the webcam BTW, must investigate that one.

Stilltrue Thu 30-Jun-05 14:46:02

I wouldn't send him! Surely if he gets "under your feet" when you're feelingreally stretched, you will be able to organise some local part time child care in Venice and still do all the logistical things you need to do.
He will be sooo lonely at grandma's imho that it wouldn't be worth it. Not to mention the worries you must be having about the proposed childcare in Brazil for your ds.

WideWebWitch Thu 30-Jun-05 14:47:26

God albert, haven't read thread but you're right, definitely! I wouldn't go for it either, def not.

WideWebWitch Thu 30-Jun-05 14:48:45

Oh and download netmeeting, ex dh sometimes reads ds a bedtime story on it, it's fab!

WideWebWitch Thu 30-Jun-05 14:49:44


Chuffed Thu 30-Jun-05 14:51:21

No way - my grandad had parkinsons and if she has a live in help then she won't actually be doing a lot of the caring it would be the carer who isn't even a relative.
Get a webcam, we have one with our parents in NZ and they are great.

saadia Thu 30-Jun-05 15:30:39

It's a shocking suggestion, you're not being overprotective at all. If dh's mum had come over in advance and got to know ds then maybe - and that is a very big maybe - but to leave him with, for him, a stranger in a new country would totally disorientate and frighten him, I think. I don't want to sound melodramatic but the whole thing, and not seeing his mother for two months could really scar him emotionally.

PeachyClair Thu 30-Jun-05 16:12:42

It might (I say MIGHT) be different it ds was with him, but no, I would feel VERY wary about the whole situation- keep her with you.

jamese Thu 30-Jun-05 16:38:27

No Way - I wouldn't even be happy if DH was with him all the time. I am sure your DS son would be much happier with you.

Blu Thu 30-Jun-05 16:42:15

No, your DH is quite mad - sweet, I'm sure, but quite mad!

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