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Please help/advise..

(24 Posts)
unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 20:57:32

Not sure how I can be brief with this...

My sister and me had an (another)arguemet today, where she implied, I was a rotten mother, and the NSPCC would be called (she didn't say she would - but claimed the neighbours would do it)

There is just so much history here (she was hit by my mum- but is 11 yrs older than me, not married + no kids)
I'm sure she has an agenda.. ie to get her own back on her own fked up life....

Needless to say I have not beaten my kids... yep I have been stressed etc, and yep I know I am not the 'perfect'(ha) mother... but......... this???

Anyhow I just don't know what to do, and am feeling (as I did as a child with her) pathetic, and bullied.

Anyone can help- or advise?

My family are just doing my head in.

mogwai Sun 26-Jun-05 20:59:58

oh unicorn, lots of sympathy. I don't know what to say. Why do families behave this way? The thing is, you always feel compelled to stick with them, "cos they're family".

Has she ever had any help with the issues about your mum? Sounds like she's taking it out on those around her rather than sort the problem out

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 21:02:28

dont know what to say about your sister - would be tempting to shut her out of your life but i know things are never that simple.

only posted cos i wanted to reassure you about the kids - my evil mil has reported me to social services several times, also has taken ds to dr and accused me of abuse. as i do not and have never abused my kids there was no evidence and nothing has happened, except that ss and dr are now extremely annoyed with mil for wasting their time. if she does call them and they come round, smile, offer them a cup of tea and explain the situation. they are usually very nice people who have seen this all before - they will know you are not a bad mum.

good luck, and dont let her bully you

emily05 Sun 26-Jun-05 21:03:47

It looks like she has seen a weak spot and used it. Not nice at all and obviously completely unfounded. She has gone for the thing that will get to you. Ignore her. She (or the neighbours!!) will not call the NSPCC and I am sure even if they do that it will amount to nothing.

My ds has paddys and I often expect a knock at the door because he sounds like he is being murdered! You sound like a normal mum to me, we have highs and lows and she can hardly judge what is a 'good' mum, she has no blooming children!!

It sounds to me like she is jealous of you. I hope that you are ok xx

emily05 Sun 26-Jun-05 21:04:41

gigglinggoblin at your mil!! how mad! I won't moan about my mil so much now!

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:06:14

No she hasn't ever really discussed it with my mum (who is now in her 80's)... but has been through every therapy known to mankind...

Unfortunately it seems I am her best punchbag (?)
and never fail to 'rise' to the occasion.

I have already 'cut' most of my family out of the picture...(all my fault of course.. as only 'I' am the messed up one!)
I think anyone who threatens NSPCC for no good reason and is.. ffs your sister, should just well...I could get abusive here (I am so upset and angry)

mogwai Sun 26-Jun-05 21:08:43

say what you like, Unicorn, spit it out, we won't think any worse of you. I really sympathise - also have mad family

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:15:19

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thank god for mumsnet!!!!

I actually told her she could go and rot in hell...

yep we are all barking in my family....

problem is, well I guess I have just shed the whole lot of them...
but perhaps that is for the best?

I have had counselling in the past, and my family and their opinion of me, ie.I am always the 'one who spoils things' or the one who is 'too moody' always crops up.

but you can't run away from your family forever... can you?

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:18:49

gigglingoblin.. I am really sorry that they put you through that...

why did they?

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 21:29:33

i split up with her son and had him convicted for assaulting me and my mum, which she thought was completely out of order (in her words, violence within a relationship should remain between the couple). she is basically a mad old witch, we never got on and as soon as she could she started trying to make life hard.

i have to say, it wasnt as stressful as you would imagine cos social services tend to employ competent people who are nice to you until they need to be otherwise (and they didnt have to be otherwise). i just wanted to reassure you that they are used to false accusations and are not going to come barging into your home and steal your children!

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:30:57

thanks for that...
I think people who use ss or nspcc as a malicious act, should be held in contempt...

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 21:34:13

they should be locked up. on one occasion the social worker apologised to me for wasting my time and said 'you must be really annoyed with us by now'. i replied i wasnt annoyed at them, i was furious at mil - its people like her that use up ss resources so kids who need help are missed. needless to say she felt the same

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:36:39

I guess it is only right that they check up every call/complaint.

It does leave them very open to malicious intent though doesn't it?

I really don't know what my sister may do... (she will never say she has been involved if they do turn up)...................
but the very fact that she used them, as a threat, says something doesn't it?

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 21:38:02

i think its just plain nasty tbh. she is hitting you where it hurts and i couldnt forgive that. i hope you sort this out soon, one way or the other

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 21:44:04

cheers ggg... my thoughts entirely..

how the hell can I be civil with someone who has just made a threat like that?

best we steer clear of each other (and me the rest of my family)until the next enforced meetup

(at a guess, that will unfortunately be at funeral)

edam Sun 26-Jun-05 21:50:47

What an evil, miserable, wretched, wicked b*tch. You will be well shot of her. Let her go off and attempt to destroy someone else's life, if that's what turns her on.

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 22:11:59

edam.. thanks, that is exactly how I feel.

If she wasn't family I wouldn't be so bothered, but she is, and as she is about the only one my kids get to see - what do I do?

Personally, I feel she can go and rot... but what about my dd and ds?? If they no longer see her, well they have no extended family at all.

(the rest of my lot have already been erased - and dh has virtually no-one)

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 22:16:55

another thing evil mil has done is to tell the kids lies about me and actually got ds to tell lies about me. i have read other threads on here where it has happened aswell. ds has huge emotional problems because of what she has been doing, i wish i had been able to stop it before it started.

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 22:22:32

rings a bell ggg...

this has been building for a while, as my sister can quite easily 'lead' my kids into saying anything (iyswim).

In hindsight,she has also gone out of her way to point out cuts and bruises, which invariably pisses me off, as she has not a clue about how active, 6 yr olds and 3 yr olds can be.

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 22:33:04

it is better to have no family than a family that screws you up for life imo. you just have to decide if she could do that. what an awful situation, must be so hard. its not like she is a parent tho - i hardly ever saw my dads family cos they lived quite far away. i dont hold it against anyone. if you do decide to stop contact i dont think i would make a big thing of it, they may not notice if you dont say anything, or just tell them she is busy

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 22:42:30

problem is my family have already screwed me up...
Unless we all go through 'family therapy'...(er somehow I don't think that is going to happen)then I need to let go.

I am a family person and believe inthe whole concept...but my lot

gigglinggoblin Sun 26-Jun-05 22:49:01

sounds like you have already made up your mind. your kids and dh are your most important family members, if something is right for you it is right for them. at least you know what not to do, but dont suppose thats much comfort

am off to bed now, cant cope with life beyond 11pm

{{{hugs}}}

WideWebWitch Sun 26-Jun-05 23:02:11

Hi unicorn, sorry you're having a rough time. If it is damaging to you to see/speak to your sister or to let your children have contact (and if she's threatening stuff like this, let's face it, it's damaging) then actually, I think there is a case for ceasing contact. If you consider doing it and feel relief at the thought, well, that will tell you something. Or, tell her you will NOT be bullied or threatened and if she carries on doing it you will be forced to cut contact as a result of HER behaviour. Don't let her blame you for this. I don't have an easy relationship with my family either, sympathies.

unicorn Sun 26-Jun-05 23:30:40

dh just called her - to clarify what was going on re Nspcc...

well he didn't get much out of her,(apparently she hasn't called them)

he said her main point seemed to be that she was an 'unpaid babysitter'!!!!!!

er hello... I never ask her to babysit, she generally offers, because 'she wants to see the kids'.

I have a feeling this all boils down to my brother again ( and that is another story!)

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