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I want to be a housewife... convince me I don't really

(25 Posts)
TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 15:32:42

I know the lovely weather probably doesn't help but I want to be a housewife (not even married so it's not that likely really)

I'm sat here in a an office working my ass off day in day out, weekends pass in a blur, my house is always a mess cos I'm too knackered at night to tidy it and I have few friends with children.

I don't want to be here, I want to be a sahm and cook and clean and have ironed clothes instead of everything being pulled out of a 4ft tall ironing pile when needed, I want to take dd to dance and gym classes, playgroups etc instead of telling her missing out cos there ain't no classes for 3yo on a weekend

Pruni Mon 20-Jun-05 15:34:58

Message withdrawn

sweetheart Mon 20-Jun-05 15:38:06

I'm with you Idiot!!!

I wish I was a sahm. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and sitting at a desk really uncomfortable - wish I could be at home with dd.

Doesn't help that I should have been on maternity leave now with a baby I lost in Jan.

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 15:40:15

No I'm a single mum, have boyfriend but no marriage on the horizon at this moment in time so have to work. Also in reality I think I would struggle to give up my independence but I'd love to have just a job rather than a career iykwim a job where you work go home and forget about it.

I just don't want to be here, doing this, feeling knackered all the time, waking up Monday morning not quite believing it's 'Monday already'

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 15:41:26

oh Sweetheart, sorry posts crossed... sorry to hear about your loss. Can understand how it makes it worse

ninah Mon 20-Jun-05 15:45:44

Me too! I want it ..
Sh that must be a strange feeling of joy and sadness all mixed up. My 'due date that was' was last August, once that day had passed I felt a lot more like focusing on the future, if that helps. I know you are doing that with the bump, but still, a strange time for you.

sweetheart Mon 20-Jun-05 15:48:58

sorry I've hyjacked a bit - yes it's pretty horrible at the moment but hopefully things will get better next month.

Still wish I was a sahm in general day to day life though - same as Idiot!!!

puddle Mon 20-Jun-05 15:50:30

TVI could you work a bit more flexibly? Like working from home, compressing your hours into fewer days, or just drop a few hours so you finish earlier?

I take my hat off to all single parents who work - I don't know how you manage to keep all those balls in the air.

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 16:01:05

I used to work from home sometimes but now have 2 teams of people working for me so I have to be here. I can't afford to drop hours as I am financially stuggling as it is at the moment.

Realistically there is no sensible way out at the moment, I just wish the burning desire to sah would go away. It's a realatively new feeling and I know this lovely weather isn't helping. If I were a sahm and it were peeing with raining I'd be tearing my hair out. The fact that dd will be starting school sep 06 doesn't help

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 16:19:00

Of course I need to marry somebody rich

ninah Mon 20-Jun-05 16:21:51

nah .. rich and generous, VI!

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 16:36:13

Well b/f is gorgeous in my eyes and does alright but I won't be getting a diamond anytime soon - if ever. I don't think he'd let me stay at home anyway!!

So if any of you know a gorgeous, rich, honest, well formed and talented young-ish man who wants to keep a loving, caring, attractive young lady just point him in my direction

KBear Mon 20-Jun-05 16:53:36

I know what you mean exactly. I love being at home with my children, making our home nice, gardening, school run, helping at nursery, as well as the usual chores mixed in there too. I work part-time 2.5 days a week and hate it but need the money. Shame we can't all do what we want to do. There are people who would love to work but can't for various reasons and those who have to work but don't want to. I suppose that's life. shame for you though TVI - I shall look out for that gorgeous fella for you.

anchovies Mon 20-Jun-05 16:56:18

TVI - agree the weather will be contributing, its not as much fun when your stuck indoors cos its raining. And if it makes you feel better my house is still always a tip (cos we're in it all day) and I never get round to doing the ironing!

Twiglett Mon 20-Jun-05 16:57:13

yeah cos its really cooling running around after kids all day

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 17:21:07

feel even worse after the 'benfit fraud' thread. Although feel better at the same time in a weird sort of mixed up way.

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Jun-05 20:29:32

TVI, did you see the SAHM thread recently? It might put you off! here.

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 20:41:02

no WWW I didn't, I will read it when I'm at work tomrrow to make me feel better

Blackduck Mon 20-Jun-05 20:42:29

I don't want to be an sahm, but am seriosuly pursuing an option where I have 8 days a month free.........and a reasonable salary - am I mad?

Nimme Mon 20-Jun-05 20:50:21

Well if emptying the dishwasher, loading the washing machine (again), ordering food on the internet and then having to go the b.... shop because you forgot something, tidying up (all the f....time), doing the school run, the dry cleaner and worrying about cooking (as you feel you should because you have been at home all day), ditto make the beds (normally done at bedtime here!) whilst looking after your baby, some more tidying up and squeezing some Mumsnet time in - then yes you should become SAHM.

Otherwise stay where you are and enjoy using your brain - and having your independece! Now what you mean about having a job instead of a career - I'm heading that way.

Sounds like you need a HUG

milward Mon 20-Jun-05 20:52:24

Being a sahm is the hardest job I've ever done. I sometimes wish I could have a maternity job at the moment just to have the right to have a coffee & lunch break - would put my feet up for an hour and just relax.

TheVillageIdiot Mon 20-Jun-05 20:55:37

LOL Nimme - Sounds like you need the hug

..Still it has helped me see sense of course.. Grass is always greener eh!

merglemergle Tue 21-Jun-05 07:50:00

hi tvi. you sound like where I was about 4 months ago. Identify with all the things you mention. I really wanted to give up work, which was just a job-definately had been mommy tracked. Various events conspired to make it justifiable on a practical level. Technically do still have a job but have nearly a year's ML, and mass redundancies mean I may not get to go back anyway.

I actually think being a sahm is really hard work, but if you work at it, it becomes worth it. A lot of the work is psychological. You have to accept that you are being fed contradictory messages by society (you should stay at home-stay at home mums aren't very interesting and can only talk about kids...etc). And sometimes I wonder, should I be going out to work and paying taxes? I mean, I use far more taxpayers money than a lot of taxpayer (libraries, buses, etc), yet don't pay much tax apart from VAT. (pay lots of that!). Is staying at home, when there ARE perfectly good nurseries, just a huge indulgance? If you have any feminist training then you will not be able to cross the kitchen without having several crises!

Oh, btw, in practical terms if you became a sahm you would truly work your ass off! Some of this would be physical, for me a lot is about seeing what is needed by ds, and trying to do this. In my case-slowing down. I don't do much ironing, I do activities that he can participate in but also try not to be constantly playing with him. Thats actually quite hard, day after day after day. There's little variation. And no sick days ever. And, personally, I never get time to iron. And I agree the friends with kids thing doesn't get done, the thing is, 4 months on I still have very few friends with kids. I think most of these friendships are formed in the early few months, when, in my case, I was back at work.Also-when you have friends with kids, they often want to talk about the kids and I find that mind-numbing after a while (while doing exactly the same myself!). Gym classes etc are great but expect to meet Competative Mummies <shudder>.

I work with benefits claimaints btw (charitable advice agency, benefits are my specialist area) so have been staying off the recent benefits thread! I'm 38 wks pg, can't do controversial right now! It does annoy me a bit though that childcare is subsidised and in many cases paid for mostly through tax credits (both a good thing) BUT that SAHM get very little in the way of financial support. I'd prefer to see a childcare allowance which could then be paid to either a nursery/carer or kept by the parents to enable them to stay at home. (and I can't see I'd get this unless it was not means tested btw). And it should be paid to the mother, because the lack of financial independence is a practial and pscyhological problem.

Ameriscot2005 Tue 21-Jun-05 08:06:03

If you were a housewife, you'd have the big dilemma as to whether to sit outside all afternoon or to watch Wimbledon .

lilaclotus Tue 21-Jun-05 08:36:08

i like being a sahm. though when i am still sorting out washing and doing dishes at 11pm, i think of how i'd have to do all this housework anyway if i had a job.

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