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Weighty comments.....

(9 Posts)
BadgerBadger Mon 20-Jun-05 00:57:20

I have a 'friend' who constantly comments on my weight, what I eat etc. I'm a size 8/10 and a 'healthy' weight for my height.

She is prone to pouncing on me with comments such as "You're too thin!"
Does this strike anyone else as rude? I wouldn't ever retort with "You're too fat" (Which (healthwise), she certainly is!) because:

a-It's none of my business
b-I think it would be rude to do so!

(It's a failing friendship, but that's not really the issue.)

TBH, most of the comments I hear are from people I wouldn't really class as friends, but why does anyone think it's their place?

(Virtual strangers included - "You want to get some meat on those bones" Actually, no I don't! But, did I retort "You want to get some meat off yours"? No! Of course not.)

Do weighty comments irritate anyone else, and does anyone happen to know how this fairly personal matter wormed it's way into open discussion? A free for all?

Or am I just precious, sensitive and way behind on the etiquette of today?

giraffeski Mon 20-Jun-05 01:30:21

Message withdrawn

strugstu Mon 20-Jun-05 01:33:22

no bb your not being precious, i think its rude to comment on peoples appearance- i know i'm fat- i dont need people telling me 'ur a big girl arnt u'
'such a pretty face same u carry so much weight'

i dont comment on their big nose or sticky out ears FGS.

i just have to think to myself i'm a better person .....just wish i could think of that all time cutting remark...

triceratops Mon 20-Jun-05 07:48:53

I used to be guilty of this offense. I was always a big girl and in my late 20's I was wearing a size 20 dress size. I used to tell relatively thin friends that they were unhealthyly thin and that they should eat some food. I think it was an expression of envy mixed with concern as I used to think that if I was that thin I would be hungry.

I dieted successfully and managed to reach my medically recommended weight of 10st for 5'8'' height. Then I was on the receiving end of the comments from my own friends and family who were concerned about anorexia. I found that really irritating, it was as though they didn't want me to succeed, they kept bringing me food gifts (cakes, biscuits and chocolates) which went straight in the bin.

Now being pregnant I can't leave the house without people saying "Look at the size of that bump!". I know that they really mean "I notice that you are pregnant and I am pleased" but it really p**s me off. I would prefer to hear "you are really blooming today" I already feel like a whale and I don't need other peoples comments adding to my self esteem issues.

triceratops Mon 20-Jun-05 07:53:22

I have a 3yo ds who is
A. Ginger and
B. Tall
The next person who says on first meeting us, "hes tall isn't he?" or "What lovely ginger hair" is going to get a personal comment right back at them.

To be fair he does also have a stinking great facial birth mark which is bright angry red (esp in this heat) and noone over the age of seven or outside the medical profession has ever mentioned it.

WigWamBam Mon 20-Jun-05 09:16:07

I have the opposite problem, BadgerBadger, in that people think it's their place to tell me that I'm fat. As if I don't have a mirror or a set of scales to tell me! I have been told off for eating an apple on a train, as apparently fat people aren't allowed to eat in public; I've been spat on because of my size; I get at least two comments of "fat cow" or "fat slag" a day; complete strangers feel free to comment both about me and at me about my weight. Yes, it's rude, and yes, it's none of their business.

Size is not the most important aspect of anyone's character, regardless of whether they are slim or large. Its a shame that so many people don't actually recognise this.

koalabear Mon 20-Jun-05 09:25:24

WWB - yes agree totally - i am sorry that you have to put up with other people's insecurities, because that is what I believe such comments are about - i mean, why ELSE would anyone feel the need to comment on a person's size - what possible difference does it make to anybody else (absolutely none is the answer). I think people comment because they are insecure about themselves. If people were really concerned about someone being over/under the recommended weight for height, they would either mind their own business, or try being a friend first

Tommy Mon 20-Jun-05 09:28:11

chances are Badger she's a bit jealous if she's overweight but I do agree with you that people seem to think that it's perfectly acceptable to make comments about others being too thin and not about being too fat!
I had a "friend" who was always going on about my slight speech impediment and making jokes at my expense and eventually I just said to him very quietly how upsetting it was. He hasn't done it since - could you try that with your friend?

BadgerBadger Wed 22-Jun-05 23:47:43

I'm not in the minority then!

My sister was asked today whether she is anorexic (she's far from it) by an acquaintance from college, someone she barely knows.

Tommy, I've tried (and failed) to enlighten my 'friend' TBH, I don't think she wants to know. In her case, I do think it's a projection of her issues with her own weight, so until she becomes comfortable with that, the comments will continue. Thanks for the tip though, I do find my self putting up rather than confronting on a number of issues! I often need a nudge to feel that it's ok to speak up


Triceratops, I've found myself intervening on a number of occasions when comments have been made about my children. From "Urgh, she's fat!" (Aimed at DD2 when she was 2 weeks old!) To "Urgh, she's thin!" (Aimed at DD1 when she was a couple of months old.).

IMO, it's disgusting and dangerous to make comments to or about the appearance of children.... just in case you wondered, the above were not made by luttle uns who knew no better - they were from adults .

Disgusting!

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