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Undecided on whether to add to our family, complicated.

(6 Posts)
bouncy Sat 18-Jun-05 16:40:38

The thing is I have one DS almost 6, and my fiance is unable to have kids (the snip from ex-wife) he was married for 10 years and had the snip 9 years ago as ex-wife didn't want kids. He doesn't want a reversal, we have talked about the posibility of adopting, both dp and I happy with the idea. The thing is I am not 100% sure we are doing it for the right reasons, we have been thinking about this for at least 6 months now, and the urge seems to be on days out to beach/park when I see other kids playing with siblings it breaks my heart, and a few people have made their comments that DS is missing out not having a sibling, he has recently made up a brother who he plays with, this again as made me feel worse.

I just would like to hear from people who can offer any advice, whether they have one and feel the same, or the opposite, or people that have 2+ kids etc etc.

I know the process thats 18 months + and in some cases longer, dont have a problem with going down that road.

lillies Sat 18-Jun-05 17:28:20

I was an only child and didn't miss out on anything. I wasn't spoiled but had a few friends who my parents would take on holiday with us, days out etc.

Does your ds feel lonely?

I've lost my trail of thought so will end there...not sure I helped at all, sorry

bouncy Sat 18-Jun-05 17:42:36

you did help lol, ds is very happy to play on his own, but his friends all have brother or sisters and he asks now and again if we can go and 'have' one. lol

Eeek Sat 18-Jun-05 19:08:29

I loved being an only child. It's only now as my parents age that I see some downsides. If you want another one for you go ahead - if you want another one for your DS then I'd think very carefully - a 6-7 year age gap is big if you're hoping they'll play together

hercules Sat 18-Jun-05 19:10:27

Adoption is a long and painful process with no promise of happiness at the end. I would really look into the reality of it first before making your decision. Speak to an organisation that deal with adoption.

bouncy Sat 18-Jun-05 19:48:24

Thanks for your replies.

We have been to a discussion group about 4 months ago and got all the paperwork to fill in. The thing that put me off at the time is we had to attend a 5 day course basically on how to be parents, I was also going through starting a new job and putting it to the back of our mind, we do know all the highs and lows and no guarantee of acceptance.

We are not looking to adopt a baby, we spoke about adopting a child 2 - 4 years old and have spoken at length about it.

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