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If Me and DH died....

(10 Posts)
Mummyshortlegs Wed 15-Jun-05 23:43:11

Changed name as Dh knows my log in and don't want him to see what I have posted.

Ok if we were both to die I want my 3 children to live with my sister and her husband effectively they would be their guardians. I have asked them and they are fine with it although we have nothing legally saying these are our wishes. MIL found out and had said to a mutual friend of ours that it would happen over her dead body and she would get them and my family wouldn't even get to see then ever. BTW MIL hates me and thinks my family are too working class for her 'type'

She had loads of money and I know would try to get them. Could she do this if DH and I passed away in an untimely fashion ,even though she is a mental head case?

MarsLady Wed 15-Jun-05 23:45:03

You need to get a will done, otherwise it could go either way!

aaliyahsmum Wed 15-Jun-05 23:45:28

i had same prob with dd bf, but i have written a will blocking him from ever getting custody if i die as to be honest he is a waste of space

kid Wed 15-Jun-05 23:45:56

I was told that if you don't have a will, children are taking into care while their future is decided. How true this is I do not know.
Couldn't you get a will to state your children will be taken care of by your sister? My friend has one and in her will she states that her mum will have custody of her DS and her dad will have visiting rights at weekends. It cost her £50.

handlemecarefully Wed 15-Jun-05 23:51:05


that's interesting - that can't really be the case can it? that children are taken into care whilst their fate is decided when there is a clear will naming guardians....

Someone tell me this isn't so!

meggymoo Thu 16-Jun-05 00:00:55

Message withdrawn

Satine Thu 16-Jun-05 00:06:19

We recently changed our will and we had to nominate guardians for the children (we put the main ones and then a back up. As long as the guardians know and are happy with the arrangement, this means that your MIL can't take custody. But this will need your DH's agreement.

sorrel Thu 16-Jun-05 00:06:57

MSL- I am an auntie and I look after my neice when the unthinkable did happen and my brother and his wife both died . Please put your wishes into your will and discuss them in full with intended guardians. When my SIL died it never occured to my brother that he would die so quickly afterwards and therefore never made his intentions known.
After his death- even at the funeral everyone wanted to stick their oar in, and few people were able to able to distinguish their own wishes from what was best for the child or what they imagined my brother'would have wanted' Things have taken years to sort out. i will tell you in what way if you would like(,but an example was that the Maternal Granny felt we had won the child and that we had stolen her away from her mothers family.This has persisted for nearly 6 years.)
Be specific, point out your aspirations for your children, your hopes and dreams, everything.Talk to the whole family ,as they might assume you would intend something that would in reality never cross your mind.
from the legal side, you can state where you wish for your kids to live and also who will be their legal guardians.(Residency order/Guardianship of orphan) as we were not specified in the will we had to go to the Family courts and have this granted by a judge. if there is no-one who will or/can look after the children they would be made wards of court.

mummyshortlegs Thu 16-Jun-05 00:15:55

Hi Sorrel
DH is with me on this he wants DC to be looked after by my sis and BIL should we both die. But we're not going to discuss it with his mum as it would just make her even more agitated and upset than she is already. She is not the kin dof woman who would ever give anything up easily and fights people through the courts all the time...she has one case which has been dragging on for 10 YEARS now.

So if DH and I are agreed and it is legally documented she can't contest that surely can she?

It seems so riduculous to ask but the thought of that woman poisining my kids minds is too much to bear.

meggymoo Thu 16-Jun-05 19:41:36

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