Help me write a witty letter of complaint?

[Pacific]

I was hoping some witty mumsnetters could help me write a letter to Walkers crisps. I am absolutely hopeless at funny writing and want to write this letter as a bit of a laugh.

I bought a huge box of 32 packs of crisps in Lidl the other day. When I got home, I found one pack had got folded in the sealing machine and was open and all 25g of crisps were lying in the bottom of the box. I counted the rest of the packs and found there were only 31!

So I was going to write to Walkers to complain but considering that each pack worked out at less than 5p per bag, I wanted to give them a laugh in customer services.

Help please? The wittiest reply will win a packet of cheese and onion!

[SqueezyCheesyPumpkin]

Bump.

[TrickOrTreatersDragOnYourNoose]

Ask whether Gary Linekar is in charge of their packing department

[Pacific]

Thank you for your replies.

Anyone help?

[Anifrangapani]

Dear Mr Walker,

Thank you for introducing your new packaging arangements - the self pack bags are invaluable for cutting down the number of crisps I need to feed my children for their lunch. There have been a few complaints about the new portion size but I think that they will get used to the 2 crisps each after a while.

[wheelsonthebus]

you could try and model it on this somehow - this one is hysterical
[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-c omplaint-letter.html]]

[Pacific]

Thank you Anifrang.

Anyone else?

[wheelsonthebus]

or it would be if i posted it right
www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html