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Father's day - I hate it!

(31 Posts)
SPARKLER1 Tue 14-Jun-05 17:38:10

Father's day is looming again. Another day of a crap money making scheme.
It's a bit of fun of dds I guess to spoil their daddy.

From my point of view I wish it never appened. don't get on with my dad very well, hardly ever see him and he only lives a five minute walk from my home. He never shows an interest in me or my kids - last time I saw him was around Easter when he dropped in to the parent and toddler group for five minutes to drop off easter eggs for dds. (far too much to expect of him to go to my home and stay for a drink and a chat). He then got all shirty as dd2 didn't show an interest in him and give him a hug. They hardly know him FFS.

I used to spend years hunting for a father's day card on the shop shelf that had the least soppy rhyme in or find one that didn't say to a wonderful father who has always been there for me. Totally untrue in my case. Last year I didn't even bother getting him anything and I think it will be the same this year.

almostanangel Tue 14-Jun-05 17:40:16

sorry bout your dad, i had the best dad you could ask for and on fathers day he will have been dead a year and i would love to be able to give him a card this year ...

SPARKLER1 Tue 14-Jun-05 17:42:11

I started this thread and realised afterwards that there is another thread re: father's day. . It's a totally different feeling to this one isn't it?

almostanangel Tue 14-Jun-05 17:43:07

yep its mine

SPARKLER1 Tue 14-Jun-05 17:44:37

It's nice to be able to feel love for your dad isn't it? I have never had that closeness with mine and he really isn't interested in anything I do.

almostanangel Tue 14-Jun-05 17:45:18

i really do feel for you ...have you tried telling him

SPARKLER1 Tue 14-Jun-05 17:49:50

I haven't had a full blown conversation with him - maybe I should. Whenever I do see him he is usually drunk (has a drink problem) and I can't talk to him without him winding me up.

SPARKLER1 Tue 14-Jun-05 17:50:44

He was never interested when I was a kid. Before dm and dd got divorced he was hardly ever around - it was just me, dm and my sister most of the time.

fastasleep Tue 14-Jun-05 17:52:45

Sparkler I feel like you, I've not got a card yet...don't know if I will... I haven't had any type of conversation with my Dad since I was 8 and he started communicating to me with grunts and walking away whenever I came near him!

almostanangel Tue 14-Jun-05 17:53:50

oh im sorry .....[hugs]]]]

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 10:26:46

My dad is dead.

Be grateful yours is still alive and make the effort while you can. Talk to him, tell him how he's making you feel.

You only live once and once life is over thats it - the ultimate finality.

I'd give anything to have my dad back and for him to watch my children growing up - he won't even be here to see or cuddle my next baby.

I'm sorry if you think this is harsh but theres no excuse for waiting for someone else to make the first move.

muffle Fri 05-Jun-09 10:35:16

Sparkler there was a very similar thread about mother's day, where people who had difficult relationships with their mothers were finding it hard. I do feel for people who have had lovely dads and lost them, but I think people who come from happy families really don't understand how it feels to not have the love and support you needed from a parent and to feel ambivalent and upset by these "days" - and it doesn't help at all when people say "he's your DAD, you should appreciate him" etc. If you have a parent who has failed you, hurt you, not been there for you - it just isn't like that and that message just heaps up the pressure.

Sparkler I haven't seen my dad for about 18 years now so I am kind of beyond this - I don't have to think about keeping him happy. But father's day still makes me sad that I never had and don't now have a decent dad - he was abusive, domineering and needy and my parents had a horrible marriage. But I try to see father's day as a time to think about my DP and the fact that he is a good dad. We don't make a big deal of either father's or mother's day in our house but DP will get a card from DS. That's all you need to do.

FlyMeToDunoon Fri 05-Jun-09 10:38:41

My dad has no interest in me or my DDs. He doesn't have an interest in cuddling them and I haven't sent him a card for years.
We had some communication earlier in the year when he said that relationships were built on mutual respect-well in that case we don't have one!
Than god for DP who is a lovely dad.

Father's day a con imo. Manufactured money maker for card and crap gift companies.

thumbwitch Fri 05-Jun-09 10:38:52

Kaylo YABU - you don't know the OP or her circs and she has said a few things that suggest he isn't that worth bothering with so you had no need to be harsh on her.

for you that you have lost your father but don't assume that everyone is going to regret their own father's passing.

And what muffle said.

My Dad is great btw and I will be getting him something that he will like and will remind him of me when I have gone to Australia, although I will be back every year to see him.

twoluvlykids Fri 05-Jun-09 10:47:44

SPARKLER1 - I'm with you on this.

I'd ideally not send my father a card, ever, but I have to, otherwise, well, other members of my family get the brunt of his bad temper.

I've got a fab, sarky card, from Smiths, which he may, or may not, be able to grasp the true feelings behind it.

It's a little girl, pulling a really ugly face, saying something like "imitating the miserable old sod"

Mustn't forget to post it!!

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 11:15:07

thumbwitch

I will give my opinion choose what you say - it's something I feel extremely strongly about so don't tell me what to think/say.

Uriel Fri 05-Jun-09 11:23:27

Have a little empathy for the op, Kaylo.

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 11:25:38

OK

Tamarto Fri 05-Jun-09 11:27:36

Kaylo - I think that was sightly uncalled for.

Not everyone has a dad who cares alive or not.

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 11:28:06

I'm sorry.

I can't imagine having a father who isn't interested but it makes me a little mad to see that people stick to that instead of trying to fix things.

I hope you manage to find a solution to get past this instead of harbouring all this resentment.

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 11:28:50

tamarto

give me chance to finish posting.

Tamarto Fri 05-Jun-09 11:33:16

Oh I'm sorry my psychic radar must be malfunctioning today.

How on earth would you know people haven't tried repeatedly to fix it?

Kaylo Fri 05-Jun-09 11:46:02

I would just assume it if it hasn't been mentioned...thats what happens when you offer an opinion.

I gave mine, it won't change regardless of what you say although I appreciate everyones situation is different.

I genuinely do hope things can be resolved as to me I wouldn't be happy without harmony in my family.
I went through something similar in the way of family turbulence with my brother but it was me who made the first move to change it. It isn't perfect now but I'm working on it. I don't agree with a lot of things he does or his friends as I believe they're a bad influence but they're his friends not mine. I don't have to like them but if they present a problem to my family or my mum/sister. There would be trouble.
I'm a family person, theres nothing more important to me, I can't help it - it's just the way I am. I'm sorry that it seems to upset people, it wasn't intended that way.

muffle Fri 05-Jun-09 11:47:41

Kaylo, my dad is a paedophile (among other undesirable qualities) who has never remotely tried to fix anything, apologise or even see that he has been a less than ideal parent, and is just sorry for himself that us "bitches" (his daughters and ex-wife) have little sympathy for him. I decided a long time ago that there was no way this relationship could be fixed, and now I have a DC, well, do you think I should be inviting him back into my life?

You do need to think before you judge people for not being delighted with their dads.

muffle Fri 05-Jun-09 11:49:13

Sorry kaylo x-posted with your more considered post.

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