Vow renewal?

[moosemama]

Right, I have done a search and found a couple of old threads about vow renewal. It seems that a fair few people are really anti so, despite being in danger of getting shot down in flames, I thought I would ask for an up to date opinion on what dh and I are thinking about doing.

First a bit of history:

We have been together since we were 16 and 17. We got married when we were 21 and 22, a fairly understated white wedding that was pretty much taken over by certain relatives who shall now remain nameless.

Life has been 'interesting' and challenging, as it is for many couples. I have suffered with my health and nearly lost dh in an accident that resulted in a severe head injury and subsequent personality change. We never planned to have children, but after dh's accident we each found out that the other had in fact changed their mind about this and we now have 3 beautiful dc's.

Life has been particularly tough over the past few years for many reasons, which I won't bore you with, but through it all we have remained together and still love each other very much.

We are now coming up to our 20th wedding anniversary and coincidentally coming to the end of sorting out a lot of things that have caused us problems in the past few years.

We decided that we would like somehow to symbolically (sp?) to draw a line on our past problems and step into the future with our family.

We have discussed a handfasting type ceremony, but in all honesty I feel that this is a very special pagan ceremony and as we aren't pagan (although we are considered pretty alternative by many people), I'm not sure we should go down that route. I have spent a bit of time googling and have only come up with weddings/handfastings/renewals that seem to me to feel a bit over orchestrated and contrived.

What we were thinking is that we would like to celebrate 20 years of marriage and 3 beautiful dcs with our friends and family, whilst making a confirmed point of stepping into the future we have been working hard to create.

Ideally we would like something like an informal, outdoor event (maybe a picnic?) somewhere very natural and beautiful with the possibility of us renting a whole building to accommodate everyone or maybe even hiring somewhere with several yurts for accommodation. We have always wanted to buy our own woodland and have also considered doing this and holding our 'celebration' there.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I am just after some ideas for a nice, natural, informal way to celebrate our past and look forward to our future without it becoming a huge, stressful event or becoming theatrical in any way.

From what I've read on mn there are a lot of people who feel that vow renewal is a waste of time as the first vows were for life - so why bother. Our vows were indeed for life and still stand, but we don't want to just go off and do something on our own, we want to share our celebrations with the family and friends that have seen us through good times and bad.

Any thoughts?

[moosemama]

Gosh, hadn't realised how long that post was, sorry! Now I understand why noone's bothered to read it.

Oh well, hopeful bump anyway even though its probably a boring topic for most people.

[AMumInScotland]

It sounds really nice to have a big party to celebrate your anniversary - and if you want to tak the opportunity to renew your vows, then go for it! Renewing your vows doesn't mean that they stopped after 20 years and need to be redone - it's just a way of saying, "this is where we are, and we're committed to going forward together". You can decide between you what you want to say - it could be words like the wedding vows or it could be something completely different.

FWIW DH and I renewed our vows on our 10th anniversary - just quietly with a few family. Not because it needed done, but just because it felt a good time to celebrate and look forward. We did it in church, but then we're very churchy so that was something special to us. It sounds like the outdoors woodland is something you treasure, so that sounds like a good place to do it.

[MaryBS]

I think its lovely

[alwayslookingforanswers]

that sounds lovely.

DH and I will (possibly) be renewing our vows at the end of November, at the moment it's temporarily postponed, but there's still time for it to happen on the original date.

Like you we've been through a hell of a lot (including a separation of over a year) and feel that with our 10th anniversary coming up it would be the ideal time to renew our vows to each other.

[Singstar]

I think its a lovely idea - fwiw dh and I have had the worst few years imaginable (honestly its like a bloody soap opera but enough about that !!) We've talked about renewing our vows at our 10yr anniv - if only just to reconfirm if we can get through what we have then we can get through anything - and of course there's the excuse for a massive great party

Don't worry about what other people think, if it feels right for you and dh then that's really all that matters. Hope you have a lovely time

[moosemama]

Thank you for taking time to read my mammoth post and for your replies. I feel a bit better now.

I was really looking forward to it, but after reading some old threads on here whilst looking for inspiration I started to think people would think we were just trying to plan an 'event' just for the sake of it, or just to be attention seeking.

[MaryBS]

Sod what anyone else thinks. Its what you and your DH think that matters.

[moosemama]

I know what you mean MaryBS, but I read two threads from people that actually resented 'having' to go to renewals and was quite shocked, as personally I would be pleased that a couple had asked me to share their celebrations!

[TheFallenMadonna]

My grandparents renewed their vows on their 40th anniversary. It was lovely. My grandad got a wedding ring, which he had always hankered after. He didn't take it off for the rest of his life, even when having surgery. My brother has it now. Have your renewal, and have a lovely day.

[moosemama]

Please excuse my exclamation mark - it was supposed to be a full stop.

[moosemama]

Thank you TheFallenMadonna.

I would like a new ring actually, as I was underweight when we married and after 3 dcs I am now decidedly overweight, so my old one doesn't fit and to be honest was very cheap to start with. Dh bought me a replacement after I had ds1 but it doesn't feel the same somehow.

[doubleexpresso]

Go for it. It sounds as if you deserve a wonderful celebration of your marriage. Don't worry about what others think. Make it special for you and your children.

[moosemama]

Thank you doubleexpresso.

[Gumps]

Go for it Moose it sounds perfect, especially the woodland idea.
Feel like I know you even more now

[moosemama]

Aw thanks Gumps, was just discussing with dh whether I will invite everyone from our list - would be a scary way to meet everyone though so would definitely have to do a meet up first.

[MaryBS]

Well if you don't get a new ring, you could always have the one blessed that your DH bought for you, as part of any renewal of vows (depending on how you do it of course). It might make the ring more special for you.

There will always be someone on here that disapproves of something you do. Don't take it to heart, just don't invite them to your blessing!

[moosemama]

Good idea about having the ring blessed Mary.

Dh and I have a horrible virus so have snuggled up on the sofa together this afternoon and had a bit of a brainstorm on what we would really like it to be like and how we can make it special/meaningful for our family.

We've also had a look at a few woodlands that are currently for sale.

I am starting to get a bit excited about it now. It was lovely to spend time looking at different ideas and making plans together today. It definitely feels right for us to go ahead.

Thank you all for your comments and support.