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Have an appointment with Relate on my 40th birthday.

(28 Posts)
Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 09:43:53

TracyK Tue 07-Jun-05 09:44:22

could be an omen - the start of a new beginning??

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 09:46:31

Thank you, TK

WigWamBam Tue 07-Jun-05 09:46:33

It could be a good thing, Carla - it could prove the old saying that life begins at 40.

And think how much better things could be on your 41st, if the sessions help you.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 09:49:50

WWB, I'm a pathetic throway person at the moment. No positive feelings at all.

WigWamBam Tue 07-Jun-05 09:51:18

Which is one of the reasons why you need the sessions, Carla, to make you realise that you ARE a worthwhile person.

TracyK Tue 07-Jun-05 09:52:33

You are obviously ready for those positive feelings to come back - making the apptmnt was the first step - well done.

motherinferior Tue 07-Jun-05 09:52:38

Carla, I have enjoyed being 40 and over much more than any previous decade. It's fab. Come and join us, and get Relate to help you make it fab for you too.

TracyK Tue 07-Jun-05 09:53:18

MI - Can I join - I've only got a year and a bit to go??

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 10:03:10

motherinferior ... how? If you hate him in the first place?

WigWamBam Tue 07-Jun-05 10:05:05

If you really hate him, and you really want out, then Relate will help you work through this and find a way out. This could really be the best thing you ever do, and the start of your new life.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 10:11:06

WWB, I want you to change sex and come and live with me

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 10:12:10

GOD ... only joking !!!

motherinferior Tue 07-Jun-05 10:16:03

That's kind of what I meant, Carla; you need a way out of this situation, wherever you end up.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 10:18:35

I've booked it for Monday, 13th June, 12.30. Will one of you bully me to go?

Ellbell Tue 07-Jun-05 10:23:40

Carla... don't know your situation, honey, but just wanted to say good luck. I walked out of a marriage - which to the outside world looked the happiest ever - many years ago. I was scared to go to Relate, or whatever the equivalent was all those years ago, because I thought they'd try to persuade me to stay with him and I just knew I had to leave. But now I wish I'd talked to someone before doing it. I'd still have left. But I think that I might have been helped to do it in a less messy and hurtful way. I don't regret for a second ending the marriage, but I do regret the extent to which I hurt my ex-dh, who was fundamentally a good person.

Anyway, probably not relevant at all, but I just wanted to say good luck. I'd see the timing as symbolic ... new decade, new start.

As for positive feelings, I don't think that you can just manufacture them (you know, like when people say 'Oh come on, cheer up, it could be worse' ... and you want to hit them!). Positive feelings come from doing something positive... like going to Relate. Well done on having the courage to take this step.


TracyK Tue 07-Jun-05 10:24:50

are you going on your own or together?

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 12:04:35


Your message really sounded a chord with me. But how did you leave? And why did you regret it? I called whoever I could yesterday, to find somewhere else for me and dds to go, no on could have us, but then I was left wondering what would happen anyway.

TracyK Tue 07-Jun-05 12:06:19

maybe you need to see a soliciotr as well - to see what you are entitled to financially?

Ellbell Tue 07-Jun-05 12:51:54

I had it easy at the time, because I was very young with no kids. I just moved out and stayed with a friend till I found somewhere of my own. Also lucky because I was working. Sorry. I know that's not much help, is it?
I never regretted leaving, just the way I did it. My ex-dh was a sweet, nice person (this is where I start to sound like the bitch from hell ) who had done nothing wrong and deserved a bit of explanation. But I had nothing to say to him. I was bored (I know, that's terrible isn't it, to break up a marriage just out of boredom, but that's the only word I can use). He bored me to death, I didn't love him, and I was just deeply, deeply unhappy - not with anything he'd done, but with who he was. But I couldn't tell him that, so I just left without any real explanation. That's what I regret. It was very cowardly.

As for your situation, have you called the citizen's advice bureau? They might be able to help. Otherwise, wait till you see Relate. Again, they might have advice for you. And I agree with TracyK about seeing a solicitor too.

Very best of luck.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 13:21:28

TracyK- Thank you so much - I've done that, and it seems like I'd have to sell my house, and buy him another one.

Ellbell, God, don't feel bad about what you've done, I've broken up with partners before - before children - and never felt bad about it. Apart from one (of 3) , I've always kept in touch with them. Just a bit worried - and I know loads of MNs have - about how you remain on your own with children.

Love talking to you

WigWamBam Tue 07-Jun-05 13:24:49

I can bully you to go; I have your email address and can crack the whip as hard as you need it cracking

Honestly, though, it's a really good, positive first move and you won't regret it.

Here's to that new life.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 13:29:14

WWB, your post brought my first smile of the day! Thank you! And ..... ffs do it

WigWamBam Tue 07-Jun-05 13:37:31

I will ... you know I will.

And keep that smile where it deserves to be.

Carla Tue 07-Jun-05 13:54:40

Ju'wanna come and live with us? Honestly, other MN's, it's just that she's been so kind to me. Thank you, WWB!

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