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Advice needed, what would you do?

(11 Posts)
Chandon Wed 16-Sep-09 11:10:32

My mind is spinning a bit and am trying to make a sensible decision, so I would like to know what others would do in this situation.

An old school friend of mine has had a baby last week and has suddenly become very ill and is in hospital for probably the next two months.SHe can´t even se the baby yet.

Her DH has send out a plea for help to all friends and family, I think he is not coping well with the situation. She has no parents who can help, and his parents are elderly and can only give limited support.

Now, I am not her best friend or even a very close friend right now, as I have lived abroad for several years, and we just have been sending a few mails a year.

However, I would like to go and help out for a bit, even though it would involve (short haul) air travel. My parents can look after my children, who go to school anyway.

Now, my MIL has just lectured me that it is not actually my problem and as I am not a relative or very close friend, I should just stick with looking after my own kiddos.

Am a bit torn now, I offered my friend´s DH to come for 5 days so he can sort things out, or am I over reacting and getting involved in something that I should leave to other people...? Is it OTT to take it to heart so much and actually go over? You knwo how you always say "I wish I could help" if something bad happens to someone, but is it OTT to drop everything for a few days and actually go and help out? Am I maybe being dramamatic?


LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 16-Sep-09 11:13:06

Follow your instincts. If your parents are happy to look after your children and this friend and her family need help, then go.
I think it is lovely that you want to.
Your MIL sounds a touch meanspirited. If everyone went around refusing to help with anything that "isn't actually their problem" the world would be a much poorer place.

Chandon Wed 16-Sep-09 11:19:51

the thing is, she (MIL) said it in a nice way, and she is normally a very sensible sort of person, whereas I know I am a bit prone to maybe overreacting, taking things too seriously. (the situation is very serious by the way)

LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 16-Sep-09 11:24:16

Trust your judgement, not hers. Really.
I would go.

TeenageWildlife Wed 16-Sep-09 11:25:56

Just explain to MIL (in a nice way as well) that you really need to do this for yourself as well as for her, and please for her to understand. You are not over-reacting nor are you being dramatic. This is what friends are for - I am sure you would love someone to help you if the shoe was on the other foot.

ginnny Wed 16-Sep-09 11:27:27

Go. Ignore your MIL.
Its only for 5 days and if you feel you want to and your own family can cope without you then what's the problem?
I think its a lovely thing to do.

AMumInScotland Wed 16-Sep-09 11:46:03

If it's something you can help with, and doesn't cause a big problem to your own DC, then of course it's right for you to offer.

It may be "not your problem", but he's appealed to you and others because there is no-one else whose problem it is and who is able to help.

MmeLindt Wed 16-Sep-09 11:50:19

I think that you are a lovely friend to do this for someone you do not know so very well.

Go. Ignore MIL and be thankful that your parents are so understanding.

gorionine Wed 16-Sep-09 11:54:28

I would go. Surely if you were in your friends situation you would really appreciate someone to care enough to help.

I think when someone has such good intentions as yours they should be encouraged, not discouraged.

You say that your parents will help your DH I do not see why it should become your MIL's decision wether you are going or not. It would be different if your DH was totally opposed to it IMO.

Chandon Wed 16-Sep-09 12:33:32

thanks all.

Gorionine, my DH thinks it´s a good idea, he thinks they need all the help they can get.

gorionine Wed 16-Sep-09 14:20:01

So nothing to actually stop you. Just go and help her, it sound like she can really do with someone kind arround!

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