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could you leave your kids?

(81 Posts)
mytwopenceworth Thu 02-Jun-05 21:01:32

i was reading a magazine today and one of the articles was from this woman who had walked out on her husband and young children to be with this bloke who she had lost of sex with and all the passion blah blah blah. she said she didnt feel guilty about leaving the kids as she saw them around and they looked happy.

now i know that there are lots of circumstances where someone has no choice and im not saying everyone regardless of circumstances who lives away from their kids is horrible, but this particular case of a 'mother' walking out so she can get laid by some bloke 3 times a day? i think thats disgusting

how can a mother walk out on her babies to be with some bloke? i just dont understand it. dh and i were discussing it and i mentioned that if we ever split up (wont happen!) that i wouldnt stop him seeing the kids. he said thats because he would stay with them. we ended up 'arguing' about it and eventually had to agree that if we ever did split up we'd have to still live together cos neither of us is prepared to even contemplate living away from our kids!! Thats cos the thought alone is so painful, so how can someone do it for the sake of shags???

charleepeters Thu 02-Jun-05 21:02:02

no no no!

ruthiemum Thu 02-Jun-05 21:02:45

I know it's nothing to do with it, how old were the children?

WigWamBam Thu 02-Jun-05 21:03:00

No, no, no, a thousand times no.

LGJ Thu 02-Jun-05 21:03:21

In a word


morningpaper Thu 02-Jun-05 21:04:02

No not me

One thing I can never understand is the children who were evacuated to the country for months during the war - I would just go MAD.

mytwopenceworth Thu 02-Jun-05 21:04:05

havent got the mag to hand but they were only little - not yet in double figures!!

wheresmyfroggy Thu 02-Jun-05 21:04:43

no way, no way, no way

expatinscotland Thu 02-Jun-05 21:04:51

I could not do that personally. I have a strong sense of duty. Also, I sowed my wild oats big style before having a family, so I have no desire for wildness anymore.

But I feel for the kids. Kids are so vulnerable. They think things are their fault and take it personally.

tamula Thu 02-Jun-05 21:05:28

I am a new mum, but i know for a fact that i could live without anyone except my baby. I'd not ever leave her by choice.

ruthiemum Thu 02-Jun-05 21:05:40

That is really awful and utterly selfish and I couldn't even think about leaving ds for anything especially for something like that

beansmum Thu 02-Jun-05 21:06:32

the thought of leaving bean almost makes me cry, I couldn't do it for ANY reason, and definitely not for some guy.

mytwopenceworth Thu 02-Jun-05 21:07:37

like i said, i just cant understand it, i mean, my kids drive me bonkers sometimes, but the only way you would get them away from me would be by prising them from my cold dead arms!!

beansmum Thu 02-Jun-05 21:09:18

no, it doesn't almost make me cry, it actually does make me cry! I am so hormonal today for no apparent reason.

Katemum Thu 02-Jun-05 21:10:10

no and can't understand it.

sunchowder Thu 02-Jun-05 21:10:36

My DH's exwife left while her children were in school. She left a note on the table telling them to go to the neighbor's house. I met my DH 8 months later--this is why he had main custody of his children. I never understood how she could have done this and it has made my relationship with her very difficult.

mytwopenceworth Thu 02-Jun-05 21:10:58

oh sorry beansmum. didnt mean to cause tears! (although i did get all lumpy throated myself when reading piece! And angry!!!)

SecondhandRose Thu 02-Jun-05 21:17:56

A friend of mine did, she was desperate to leave her husband (no one else involved). She didn't know what else to do and she couldn't afford to take the children away and move somewhere else with them.

She now has an almshouse provided by the church for very little rent per month and she sees the children nearly every day. Her relationship with her ex thankfully is good and she babysits for him in the old marital home if he needs to go out in the evening.

Hulababy Thu 02-Jun-05 21:20:17

No. Even the mere thought of it makes me sad.

pixiefish Thu 02-Jun-05 21:20:45

I'd rather die than leave her. Can understand that some people have to though as they have no choice but a bit of nookie is certainly not reason enough

kama Thu 02-Jun-05 21:23:31

Message withdrawn

tiredemma Thu 02-Jun-05 21:25:40

absolutly no way, the very thought of waking up in the morning without them in the house sends me cold.

Cant understand how any woman could leave thier children, especially for just for the sake of getting a bit of passion.

Orinoco Thu 02-Jun-05 21:40:53

Message withdrawn

joash Thu 02-Jun-05 21:42:22

I did once have to leave my kids with DH for four months (although I saw them everyday - even if only for an hour). It was a case of either leaving and sorting my head out (basically on the verge of a breakdown) or staying and losing it totally. It was a killer - I hated being away even though I did see them daily. I can't understand some women who choose blokes (or anyone) over their kids - look at my DD2 and her recent life choices.

I also have a friend whose DH walked out on her and took the kids in the hope that it would "Teach her a lesson". Trouble was that whilst he was playing silly games, she discovered life away from his violence and constant aggression (he had never been violent or aggressive towards the kids) - he hung on to them all the way through a lengthy court battle (almost three years) during which she won custody of the kids. She discussed what that meant with them and realised that if she took them back - she would be totally uprooting them again, the way their father had. So she told the court that they should stay with their dad. His face was a picture, he literally begged her to take them back and said that his life had been hell for the past three years (before that, he had never lifted a finger to do anything for them) he had no life and had become a SAHD. She saw her kids regularly and they stayed with her at weekends. They are all grown up now, they have a great relationship with their mom and have learned for themselves that their dad is an arsehole. So, although she didn't initially walk away from them - in some circumstances, I would say that it can work for some people.

Mhamai Thu 02-Jun-05 21:42:35

Oh God NO!!!! my ds is with his dd my ex p and the house feels so empty, so NO!!!! If she has any heart, tis will so come back to haunt her.

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