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this should be in a "I need clarity in my life topic, help me sort it all out" but seeing as how we havent got one I'm putting it in other subjects

(13 Posts)
longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 00:18:18

Right firstly lots of you (may) recognise me from my annoyingly familiar writing style and pertinent details. That's ok at the moment dont fancy swimming upstream.

Firstly there are some great certainties in my life.

1. DS (3) is doing brilliantly and our worries for him are drastically decreasing. He has been being assessed for ASD type SN.

2. DH and I are happy and stable and loving.

3. I know for a fact what career I want and that is to be a writer, mainly focusing on humanitarian/social issues.

Now here are the problems.

We are seriously looking in to adopting a child. We know we will not have any more biological children but I at least am extremely enthusiastic about adopting and DH is seriously considering it along with me which is a good sign for him as he didnt dismiss it straight away! Our only real requirement is that the child is younger than DS. We dont mind about sex, race or country. I have been on the adoption boards and am doing loads of research with agencies etc. As I understand it if we adopt within the UK we will not have to pay, adopt abroad and we are looking at paying up to £15k. There are however still benefits to adopting abroad although at the moment we are considering all our options.

2. We can not have another child until we get a bigger house as ours is only 2 bedroom. We rent. Lease up in one month so too late to move this year so we are looking at moving Oct 2010? So does that mean I cant start the adoption process i.e. home study until we've moved? And we wanted to stay here until we could afford to buy but if we did that we will be here for 5-8 years so that is no good. Which means more house moves. We, of course, hate moving houses. This is really doing my head in, trying to work out the timing of all of it.

3. I have to get a job writing. I am doing everything in my power to make that happen but it is slow going. If I got a job writing then our income would go up so much everything would really open up for us.

4. I'm toying with the idea of doing some sort of fund raiser thing to help pay adoption costs. But I would be selling things & services, not asking for money for nothing IYSWIM. This will take a very long time though. Is it a good idea?

What should I do. There are so many wonderful definites. I know I have a great family, I know I want to adopt (I am happy to wait and learn and read up while DH absorbs and makes up his mind whichever way though I will be gutted if he says no - I want it the exact same way most of us have wanted biological children if that makes sense, the urge is as fierce and strong) but I need a proper bloody job and a bigger house. Nothing grand but just 3 bedrooms and decent! And of course the money to pay for the adoption if we need to do it abroad.

The problem is, I am so emotional about the adoption thing. I am happy to have a master plan and keep slogging away at it but it really burns at me all the time. I didnt think it would be possible, before the feeling came upon me, but it really is the same as the urge to get pregnant with DS when we were trying for ages. The impatience. So I just want help trying to sort it all out in my mind so I know what I am working for.

Thank you. I hope I dont sound spoilt, I know we cant have everything we want! I am just trying to clarify how to reach my goals & I need a big sounding board.

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 00:22:31

I really can't help you at all with your problem (neither do I recognise you from your writing style or pertinent details.......although I have a feeling I should blush)

However - I totally agre that we need a topic such as the one you've suggested in your title grin

longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 00:24:24

you say you cant help me with all my problems... can you help me with any of them??

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 00:27:23

I can't help you at all with any of your problems.

longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 00:27:31

I didnt mean that in a rude way! grin just a needy one!

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 00:28:43

grin (should I "know" you anyhow???)

longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 00:29:10

well at least we've sorted a new topic to petition mnhq for...

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 00:32:35

we need to shorten the heading a bit though


"help I've lost my marbles"


"running round in circles"


"headless chickens" (although the chicken keepers may not like that one)

or perhaps

"come and sort my life out for me"


longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 00:35:43

I vote for marbles.

I dont know if you should know me! A lot of people have done or do but I am always shocked and never know what to expect!

alwayslookingforanswers Wed 09-Sep-09 09:13:30

yeah I like lost my marbles too (unless it's an un-PC term and I'd missed that somewhere along the line???)

<<<<<sneaky bump for you really as it was late when you posted and I see no-one has come along with any helpful suggestions other than silly new topic titles>>>>>

Gipfeli Wed 09-Sep-09 09:25:50

Agree about the idea for a new topic.

Can't say much about the adoption thing as I know nothing about it.

However I did have a question about the housing situation - do you really have to wait another whole year before moving? Is the lease really fixed for 12 months at a time or is there an opportunity to negiotiate for you to be able to give notice at some other time? The tenants in our house only need give us 1 months notice and can do this at any time.

BonsoirAnna Wed 09-Sep-09 09:27:34

You sound very idealistic smile.

What sort of income do you think you are going to achieve from writing about humanitarian and social issues? What are your credentials?

longtermfamilyplanning Wed 09-Sep-09 12:36:01

sounding very idealistic sounds like an almost insult grin

I dont expect much of an income at all actually - I'm looking at getting up to £20k for doing bits and pieces here and there which so far is looking realistic but not happened yet. I have credentials but I dont want to say them on here really as I'm a frequent namechanger. Sorry I know thats a PITA and to be honest its probably more hassle than its worth but there you go. I got fed up of everyone knowing my business.

I am idealistic in a way though to be fair, then that swings with total pessimism!

I'm not sure about the house thing now - I thought it had to be just annually but I will check the lease and find out that is good to know.

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