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Seeing my friend who has very sick ds tomorrow, feel nervous

(29 Posts)
rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:01:36

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RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:04:00

Is he in isolation room?

Just give her a hug and let her do all the talking

rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:04:44

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sunchowder Wed 01-Jun-05 00:07:09

Rickman, I'm no good at this either. Wish I could tell you something good. Be yourself of course, bring a little pressie maybe to get him distracted and try to do a good bit of listening. Just you going for a visit should be a comfort to them. Depending on how close you are (and what your skills are) maybe bring a bite to eat also. Thinking of you.

jampots Wed 01-Jun-05 00:07:59

oh rickman - im sure you'll be just fine and its ok to shed a few tears anyway. It may even help your friend realise that she's not on her own

RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:12:30

Oh I see

Perhaps just take a little pressie for him

And let her do all the talking

She will prob want to offload onto you

Am sure it will be OK to cry

rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:15:06

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RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:17:41

I would be led by her

If she wants to talk about it all then do that

If she wants to hear all your news then tell her

If she wants to chit chat about the weather then do that

RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:18:20

How old is he?

rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:18:57

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strugstu Wed 01-Jun-05 00:20:47

i'd try and let her lead the conversation like others have said she may want to off load, conversley she might not be able to she may have talked that much with family that she cant go over it again- i think it would be ok to say- that your lost for words and dont know what to say- its understandable. difficult situation.

RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:20:58

I was expecting you to say way older than that

TwinkleTwinkleLittleStar Wed 01-Jun-05 00:20:59

aww the poor little thing. his whole life has almost gone, yet only just started. its so sad.

Janh Wed 01-Jun-05 00:24:04

Oh, god, rickman, you poor thing - have you any idea how he will look before you see him? Are you taking your kids with you? As it's only his second lot of chemo, with a bit of luck he won't look too different from before. Hard to keep a happy smiley face though...

See how much she talks first. If it gets sticky, then you can just chat about general stuff - she may well prefer not to talk hospitals...

Good luck - hope it is a nice positive visit.

rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:30:18

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rickman Wed 01-Jun-05 00:30:57

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RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 00:58:43

Hope it goes ok

GRMUM Wed 01-Jun-05 05:41:07

I think that if you can't stop yourself and you do well up its OK. As everyone else says be led by her as far as the conversation goes. The singularly most important thing that i feel i have learned on mumsnet over the years is that people more often than not want to talk and feel sidelined by their friends who completely ignore the major happening in their life IYKWIM.

Hausfrau Wed 01-Jun-05 08:58:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastasleep Wed 01-Jun-05 09:04:34

Rickman! We could know the same child! My husband's cousin is 2 and a half and was diagnosed with a brain tumour, he's currently having his chemo... his parents really just want to chat about football, the weather, kids tv shows anything to take their minds off it... I would chit chat (probably babble lol) they seem to appreciate it...if you're after more present ideas the little one I know really likes to have dvds to watch from his bed...he's paralysed from the op for the moment... god knows for how long

fastasleep Wed 01-Jun-05 09:07:17

By the way, there are quite strict rules about who gets to see the little one I know, I can't take DS with me due to the infection risk, the chemo he's having is so aggressive that he can't have flowers in water or anything like that near him because the water poses an infection risk... they have to wash his clothes seperately at home and wear gloves... so I won't be seeing him myself for ages although my husband visits all the time and I get to see his parents at their house with the other children... we always think of brain tumours as the worst possible thing that can happen don't we, it's like the number one scary phrase

RTKangaMummy Wed 01-Jun-05 23:43:23

How did it go?

handlemecarefully Thu 02-Jun-05 00:04:17

I would:

(a) give friend and her ds (if he is up to it) a big hug on arrival
(b) at appropriate time say to friend how sorry I am that she and her family are going through all this worry and distress, and genuinely what can I do to help?
(c) ask her whether she wants to offload and talk about it or whether she is more comfortable talking about anything else.

Not saying you should do the same - do what feels natural for you...just saying how I would approach it.

All the very best tomorrow - would like to hear how you are get on because can't help but be moved by your friend's plight. Hope little lad is doing okay in the circumstances.

handlemecarefully Thu 02-Jun-05 23:31:31


How was it?

rickman Fri 03-Jun-05 09:24:41

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