Most of you will think I'm mad but I need to be encouraged to let DS go to the zoo with his Nanny without me and DH - there IS a good reason I am so freaked over this!(22 Posts)
DS is 3. He has SN. He is under diagnosis but it is pretty likely autism. He doesnt have grandparents around, mine are in America, DH's Mum is dead and Dad is in Thailand. He has 2 lovely adopted Grandparents, a Nanny L and Uncle M (they are unrelated to each other!). They love him very much and have been around since the pregnancy and they are both aware of his problems and very good with him.
His Nanny L wants to take him to the zoo as a treat for his birthday which was Saturday, he would love to go. She is happy to take all of us as he is usually wanting to obsessively be cared for by me or DH. However we think it would kind of be nice for him to go with Nanny without us. Firstly so we could have an extremely rare break! But also because if we are there he is likely to not pay so much attention to his Nanny and we want it to be a special thing for the both of them.
So it would be a half day, we would of course be available by phone etc and we could give her full disaster instructions like if he has a meltdown or something. I really dont know if we should go or not. Also part of me thinks he will really want to have me and DH with him as it will be such a huge thing for him and he will want to enjoy it with us. We are really close. But I just dont know. It should be a normal thing for a 3 year old to go to the zoo with a grandparent. I need help thinking it through.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Has Nanny L seen him when he's having difficulties (whatever they might be) and have you seen her cope with this?
If it's yes to both then I'd go for it - you'll get a welcome break, your ds will have a lovely time and Nanny L will feel even more knitted into your family, which is all good.
What in particular are you most concerned about? Once you identify this, can you have a coffee with Nanny L and go over contingency plans, etc?
I would write lists, instructions etc - probably more to make you feel better than anything else (I used to do this when we left ds's with their grandparents) but you'll feel happier knowing you've given Nanny L lots of advice and instructions?
She has been here in our house alone with him several times and also taken him to the park on her own. He can communicate verbally really good unless he gets beyond it like in meltdown then it is just noises etc.
I am worried he will freak out over something not being quite right and it will escalate and next thing you know she will have a screaming thrashing strong 3 year old who is totally confused and has no idea what is around him. On the plus side of it his autism related issues are always worse with me and DH than with other people - he goes to preschool and is much better though just tearful and upset rather than mental and violent. With me and DH because he is so comfortable he has no self control.
How far away is the zoo? If she's taken him to the park before then go for it. Would he like her to take him on her own?
One possibility would be for you to go with them, but then have a break when there while they go off on their own? I don't know about your zoo but at ours there is a nice restaurant and places where you can have a picnic.
The zoo is a 20 min drive away from our house. I think he would be happy to go with her but he would be happiest to go with us... but he does need to learn to reach beyond us still. Nanny L is paying for the whole zoo trip and each adult ticket is £15 so if DH and I go it will be an extra £30 for her, which I feel bad about, although she insists she is more than happy. She just loves him to bits and wants to get her hands on him all the time She just wants to do all these fun kid things with DS.
I am leaning towards that...
What about... <says sheepishly> should I feel bad for DS that we are almost trying to avoid going with him? I mean he will be sad he susses everything out.
No - don't feel bad for him - you're absolutely right - he needs to start exploring the world without you sometimes as well. You're teaching him to be as independent as he can be and that's wonderful - it's every parent's job.
hey hes 3 , lots of us with 3 yr olds are wary of letting them do new big stuff with an adult that doesn't know them a well as we do. IMHO. If you are confident that Nanny can spot his behaviour deteriorating and make an appropriate choice to deal with it. then try it out. IF you think she will plow on regardless on her own "good day out" plan.. then maybe not.
I am wary of one of my 3yr old sons Grandparents taking him out as I'm not sure she will spot that he is hungrey or tired or needs a wee in time to do something usefull about it. she tends to "forget" that kids need to eat or have bedtimes.
I think I am going to talk to him about it today and see how he feels too. I think she would be great about it.
How lovely you have a Nanny L....send her my way some time!
she sounds great
anniebear she is lovely. mad as a hatter actually but then she wouldnt fit in with us if she werent. But she really, really is!
You should let them go.
Don't feel that you are wanting to get rid of him for an hour. You are letting him spend some time with his Nanny. Don't feel guilty about it.
You are only a phone call away.
If it all goes well, then it sets a precedent for the next time. You could make it a regular thing that she takes him out alone.
If you are worried, how about you find something to do near the zoo & then you are closer still if you are needed (although I don't think 20 mins is too far)
I agree that he needs to have some one on one time with others, just as you need a break. And no, I don't think you are trying to avoid going with him, you are encouraging him to go with someone else.
It is totally different!
just an update, Nanny L thinks if we dont go he wont have fun so she quite wants us to go. But I do want her to take him out somewhere on their own, just maybe not somewhere as big as the zoo.
Maybe you could spilt up at the zoo, for a while. As a test run?
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