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what would you do about creepy guy giving stalkerish vibes

(27 Posts)
hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:21:26

I am working at a local convenience shop in my village evenings several nights a week. Been doing it a month, loads of people are regulars and I get on really well with everyone. There are some funny pervy old men I joke with and we have a bit of a laugh etc I do just adore cranky old men.

Anyway there is one guy - not old he is around 35ish. He fancies the hell out of me and it is blatantly obvious. He did a double take my first night there and said "you werent here last saturday!" then carried on in that vein. He comes 3 or 4 times a shift some nights and every night. He really really fancies me. He always comments on what I am wearing, how lovely I look etc. At first I felt it was funny he was a nice guy, bit socially inept and had a little crush on me but harmless. Now the questions he is asking and how he is behaving is freaking me out a tad bit.

My last shift he said out of the blue "I guess your husbands off down the pub every night" trying to either suss out if I am married or get me to bitch about my DH. I said, um, no, he is at home with my son! He always comments on my schedule trying to work out which days I work. He stares at my breasts non stop. But lately he will just stand there with may I add people behind him in the queue looking at me with this weird goofy grin on his face making the transaction of whatever he is buying painfully slow or just not walking off after he has had his change. And he is always asking weird personal questions.

Tonight he said "I bet your son is really bored at home without you" and I was like hmm and I said "well no he is at home with his Dad and anyway is likely asleep now..." I mean he is 3 fgs I am not going to leave him home alone while I work! Then he said immediately I had that sentence out of my mouth "you leave at 10 every night? tonight too?" the shop closes at 10. I was really uncomfortable and just said yes we close at 10.

I dont drive, I get a lift home nearly every night from work only occassionally I work with someone who doesnt drive then I walk & its a 20 min walk home. I just feel really creeped out by him. Tonight the woman behind him was like scraping her jaw off the floor and stared at him as he left and said "my god he fancies you" I said "I know its getting a bit awkward" and the girl I work with said "he doesnt take his eyes off your tits"

How should I diffuse this a little? I dont want to overreact. If he just did the flirty stuff I would brush it off but it is the always clarifying what days I work and time I leave combined with his lack of awareness of social norms that worries me. I even had a nightmare with him in it last night blush

BitOfFun Thu 06-Aug-09 23:30:06

Is there a male manager who would take him aside and tell him that he won't be served any more if he keeps the inappropriate behaviour up, as it is distracting to staff and other customers have complained or something?

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:30:10

I'm overreacting then?

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:30:46

no. we dont work with managers anyway. they only work a few hours in the morning.

BitOfFun Thu 06-Aug-09 23:32:25

Gosh no - I would be well creeped out. I had similar once, but other staff backed me up by letting off the till when he came in so I could pretend to be busy out the back etc. Being a bit curt helped too. He backed off eventually.

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:33:29

I am going to start being curt. I am quite friendly at work really I really love talking to people but I have over the last month gradually realised I can not talk to him at all.

IFishWife Thu 06-Aug-09 23:37:02

I appeared.

I think it's impossible for you to know whether it's dangerous or not...you wouldn't know until he actually did something, which would be too late.

Bottom line is you are uncomfortable, he's getting WAY too personal for the context and it's not on.

If you were to talk to anyone, who would it be other than your DH? I think you should just be sure of getting yourself a lift home for the forseeable.

Don't be walking home at this time of night in the dark and the rain. It's not right or sensible <stern look>

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:42:06

IFishWife my darling lovely to see you here but pray tell how am I supposed to get home if I dont walk and I dont drive? Fly? I am buying a bike in a month that has to help hasnt it. But I only probably walk home once every week or two. Tonight I got a lift halfway then walked the rest of the way.

IFishWife Thu 06-Aug-09 23:45:51

Hmmm. I love you so much I will come and fetch you. Especially if you cover yourself in papier mache grin

Yes, buy a bike.

And get a fuck off cosh grin

BitOfFun Thu 06-Aug-09 23:46:03

It might be worth contacting Head Office with your concerns and asking for them to pay for a cab when you need one. They might at least ahve some suggestions.

IFishWife Thu 06-Aug-09 23:46:19

Oh, and don't forget to lock your front door wink

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:49:03

IFish you've got yourself a deal there.

What is a fuck off cosh? I feel so ignorant...

BOF I am being really difficult I know but there is no head office it is independently owned and also there are no taxi firms servicing my village. Clearly getting a lift home is a Very Good Thing though. Now if only he would stop asking me weird questions. I know I am stunning and all that but really it takes the biscuit.

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:49:44

IFish that was below the belt. Consider your wrist slapped.

cornsillk Thu 06-Aug-09 23:50:53

Agree with BOF's suggestion of disappearing round the back when he comes in. Perhaps get one of the other women to make a comment to him about his inappropriate staring. He may not actually realise that he is being so unnerving if he is socially unaware - it may actually do him a favour in the long run. Does he have a wife or partner?

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:53:30

I dont think so he comes in and buys stuff to cook for one.

cornsillk Thu 06-Aug-09 23:56:08

Probably lonely but no excuse to harrass you. Get one of your colleagues to tell him that his behaviour is disturbing all of you and that you have all noticed it. Not sure what you can do about the trip home though.

hereidrawtheline Thu 06-Aug-09 23:59:37

I shall have to put the shutters on my face for him.

cornsillk Fri 07-Aug-09 00:03:30

Yes. Or tell him to piss off!

hereidrawtheline Fri 07-Aug-09 01:39:31

it would be more efficient!

Drusilla Fri 07-Aug-09 06:44:51

And until it is sorted get a cab home, if you can walk it in only 20 mins then presumably only a mile or so, and not too expensive?

hereidrawtheline Fri 07-Aug-09 08:20:11

my village doesnt have a cab service but if I phone around the neighbouring villages I might be able to find something to sort the rare nights I dont get a lift. Its a pity, DH would come and get me and walk me home but DS is at home in bed then obviously.

stealthsquiggle Fri 07-Aug-09 08:28:29

Bike sounds like a good compromise option - but the whole thing sounds really uncomfortable and horrid. Is there by any chance a neighbour or someone who could come and sit with DS for 10 minutes while DH comes to pick you up?

hereidrawtheline Fri 07-Aug-09 12:03:31

ugh would you believe DS and I just ran in to him in town!!! We went in to collect some bits for DS's birthday tomorrow and there he was. Very awkward.

LeninGrad Fri 07-Aug-09 12:13:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam Fri 07-Aug-09 12:13:28

I would talk to your managers. Never mind that they aren't there late at night, they are responsible for the business and the safety of staff. You are being harassed by a customer who is behaving inappropriately. The stuff about him demanding to know what time you leave is very worrying.

I'd ask your managers whether they could turn up at night just as a one off to have a word with this man.

Might also be worth contacting your local community police officers to see what they advise. I don't know whether, for instance, banning him from the shop would help or just aggravate him.

Would also suggest joining the shop workers union - think it used to be called USDAW, not sure if it's become part of a bigger union. Unions can offer you support and explain what your employer should do about this

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