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Just found out my cousin's baby has died. What would be the right thing to do?

(18 Posts)
edam Fri 24-Jul-09 19:50:13

We aren't very close or anything but obviously I'm very sorry for him and his wife. Is there anything I should do or say or avoid saying or doing?

Vaguely thinking of sending a card (they are some distance away and under normal circumstances I'd never see them from one year to the next - sending wishes in Christmas cards to my Aunt and Uncle is about it, really).

edam Fri 24-Jul-09 19:51:00

Oh, and I don't think they can have a funeral yet as there has to be an inquest - looks as if something went wrong at the hospital.

Hulababy Fri 24-Jul-09 19:51:58

How old was the baby, or was he/she unborn?

How sad for them all.

I definitely think a card would be appropriate.

cocolepew Fri 24-Jul-09 19:52:44

Oh how awful, I would send a card.

OracleInaCoracle Fri 24-Jul-09 19:54:52

oh, how dreadful. my heart goes out to them i think a card would be lovely. im sure that they would appreciate it.

edam Fri 24-Jul-09 19:55:42

Baby had been born at 26 weeks and was four months old.

Thanks, will call my Aunt and ask for my cousin's address.

Horrible thing is I only found out from reading the papers. Turns out my Uncle had phoned my Dad a week ago, but my Dad hadn't bothered to phone them back, or mention it. Idiot.

Sidge Fri 24-Jul-09 19:56:02

That is so sad. I would send a 'thinking of you' card.

Hulababy Fri 24-Jul-09 19:57:13

So sad Definitel send a card. I am sure knowing that you are thinking of them and their baby will be recieved well.

ScummyMummy Fri 24-Jul-09 19:59:34

That's so sad, edam. I don't think you can go wrong with a sympathy/thinking of you card.

edam Sat 25-Jul-09 09:33:34

thanks everyone but also, have you ANY ideas about what on earth to write? Am stumped. Beyond 'we are so sorry...'

KingRolo Sat 25-Jul-09 09:44:04

So sad.

I'd keep it very short, anything more than 'we're so sorry to hear of your loss' (or similar) might seem too much if you never see them normally.

JustcallmeDog Sat 25-Jul-09 09:49:36

Message withdrawn

edam Sat 25-Jul-09 10:45:08

Don't think I can call them - they are apparently being besieged by journalists (inquest has started and it appears to be a God-awful fuck up by the hospital). So the phone ringing is probably Not Good atm.

JustcallmeDog Sat 25-Jul-09 12:18:36

Message withdrawn

mumblechum Sat 25-Jul-09 12:23:58

I'd send a card as well. When ds1 died we got loads of cards from people we didn't even know that well and although it was quite hard to read them it sort of felt that people felt it was important that he'd died.

Just say that you're sorry and are thinking of them at this awful time.

comewhinewithme Sat 25-Jul-09 12:27:55

So sorry . When DD dies one of the things I really treasured was a letter and a card from an Aunt who I don't see very often .

mamadiva Sat 25-Jul-09 12:35:11

I think I know the story you are talking about was v.sad for the family when I read it so my sympathies to all of you.

I would send them a card and put a note inside letting them know that you will be there for them at the end of the phone anytime they need you, although you don't regularly keep in contact this may be the time to start talking more.

That happened in my family when my aunt lost her baby, it was like the baby brought us all together and things have stayed that way for 15 years now

edam Sat 25-Jul-09 12:41:24

That sounds like a good idea, MamaD. And thanks to everyone on this thread for your suggestions.

No need to feel sorry for me, I barely know them, really, just feel desperately sad for them as you would for anyone in these circs.

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