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Would you go?

(25 Posts)
unicorn Wed 18-May-05 11:38:21

to a golden wedding anniversary party when you don;t really get on with the in laws?...

mil and fil have been awful since we have had the kids.. (shown no interest in them etc) I am generally p@@ssed off with them (as is dh)

We (dh and me) have been invited to the do - but not the kids.

My gut feeling is to say no... but is it a chance to build bridges?

(again gut feeling says probably no.... .. I would probably drink too much and turn into a drunken fisherwife!)

suzywong Wed 18-May-05 11:39:34

Yes go
and look immaculate and be saccharine sweet to them then go to the bar and drink Jack Daniels and tell anyone who will listen a few home truths

beatie Wed 18-May-05 11:39:40

Does your DH want to go?

soapbox Wed 18-May-05 11:42:52

I'd go and tell on their friends what a useless duo they are at being grandparents!

soapbox Wed 18-May-05 11:43:18

all their friends, not on...

binkie Wed 18-May-05 11:50:24

Maybe not a chance to build bridges, though you never know. But definitely a chance to show that you can rise above how they've treated you.

They may have quite nice friends or other relations you've never met. I'd go.

bossykate Wed 18-May-05 11:51:42

hmmm. no i wouldn't go, not if they haven't invited the kids.

suzywong Wed 18-May-05 11:51:59

that's what I mean soapbox, sweet revenge

mrsflowerpot Wed 18-May-05 11:52:22

I would go, if you refuse they will be all hurt and offended and claim the moral high ground...

Plus, somebody is bound to ask where your kids are, and imagine how much you will enjoy saying that sadly they weren't invited by their own grandparents.

binkie Wed 18-May-05 11:55:06

Sorry, meant to ask: are they inviting anyone else's kids? Puts a different face on it if they are - I was assuming it was a generally child-free do.

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 11:57:57

I am veering to the not going...(means we will have to arrange an overnight babysitter, as they don't live near here)

dh isn't sure, his parents are very selfish ( they didn't make ds christening, as they were on holiday... nb a very flexible caravan holiday which they could have altered if they so wished)

I imagine it will be a small select gathering, and I would feel very false putting a 'happy congratulatory' face on... am just rather bitter.

hamster Wed 18-May-05 12:04:36

If I were you, I wouldn't go. Say you couldn't get a baby sitter.
Maybe not having their own son at their "special party" will give them food for thought.

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 12:07:03

tbqh I don't want to go...

Our relationship has completely divebombed since we had our kids (and they really don't appear to care)

Gomez Wed 18-May-05 12:09:15

Nah, give it a miss. No fun for anyone to be had there I would think.

binkie Wed 18-May-05 12:12:19

oh hon. I feel for you ... but, and I know I'm in the minority, in your place I would grit and go. If it's golden wedding they must be getting on. What if this was a last chance to get the family together?

Is your dh an only? If not, what are his siblings doing?

ChaCha Wed 18-May-05 12:12:34

Wouldn't go!

hamster Wed 18-May-05 12:13:07

They sound too wrapped up in their own selfish world to care about anyone or anything else.
They say you can pick your friends, but not your family...shame sometimes!
I would definitely NOT go! If they live far away, then you're lucky you won't see them face to face any time soon too.

Go on...make your dh make the phone call to say "NO we can't make it"

I'm not really evil in RL!

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 12:13:55

but then again part of me keeps thinking that maybe I should be making the effort for the sake of my kids.

I'm sure they blame me for our poor relationship(I spoke 'out of turn' on the phone to them once and they haven't forgiven me)

I just don't think I am thick skinned enough, and go to their party, without feeling it was all so false.

Gomez Wed 18-May-05 12:14:44

Send DH and the kids then.

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 12:20:37

dh has a sister who has 2 teenagers a girl and boy - the boy is Persona Non Grata since doing something (no idea what) to upset them (so they have history)

His sister has always had a much better relationship with parents (she lives near, and they helped her out in her divorce)

dh doesn't really have much of a relationship with any of them.

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 12:22:10

Gomez - I thought of that but the kids are not invited (it's an evening do)

dh says he doesn't want to go on his own.

hamster Wed 18-May-05 12:25:53

but does he want to go at all?

Gomez Wed 18-May-05 12:28:22

Well, back to plan A where nobody goes.

Do you really feel they would appreciate the effort you were making and response positively or would it just float over their heads?

If you want to do something for the kids then arrange an anniversary lunch with you all (as you can't sadly manage the party) and see how keen they are to attend?

binkie Wed 18-May-05 12:29:55

I see. So I expect the teenage niece is being invited, & that's it on non-adults?

They do make life difficult for themselves, don't they! (As well as, of course, difficult - and sad - for dh & you.)

Is it possible (still harping on the age bit here) there is something age-related/medical that is making them act unpleasant? - like heart problems, or un-recognised start of dementia? Not trying to excuse them, just wondering if there's something you can use to feel that this isn't about you personally - as it obviously isn't, given that there's history.

Well, in your place and despite it all I would still go. I've had to negotiate similar in the past (not PILs though) and on balance it was just the "right" thing to do. That's all from me now!

unicorn Wed 18-May-05 12:31:35

that's a brilliant idea Gomez....

then the onus is back on them to make an effort, and actually come and see their grandkids too!!!

will suggest to dh.

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