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Young lady looking for advice from wise mummies

(8 Posts)
emmaneeds2know Mon 29-Jun-09 19:18:22

Hi all,

I am 21 and my partner is 34. We have been together for 2 years and live together. I am not a mum yet but can't wait for when the time is right. He already has a 4 year old girl with his ex (his daughter and I get on well and she is very sweet).

My man is perfect in every way- very loving, caring etc, and also very supportive and tries to understand my main problem:

I HATE HIS EX.

I am aware that this can be a common problem but am looking for advice and other comments that may help or even just put me at ease that I am not just a raving lunatic. I really need to sort this problem out as I don't want it to ruin my great relationship.

My stomach turns and it totally ruins my day when her name is mentioned. I feel a burning anger that I just cannot ignore. The only thing is, the woman has never (as far as I know) done or said anything bad towards me and (as much as I hate to say) gives my partner no greif or hassle regarding the child, mortgage, money etc. I just hate the fact that she has/has had everything that I want with my partner and now I fear it won't be as special when we do eventually have it.

What makes me even sicker is that I then feel guilty for hating her so much when she has never actually done anything bad towards me.

It is an awful feeling ruining an otherwise wonderful relationship.

Thanks for reading my essay ladies!

Emma

x x x

nickytwotimes Mon 29-Jun-09 19:21:40

Emma, if she has not been rotten to you, you need to let it go. Your partner has a history and he has 13 years on you. Everyone is allowed to make a mistake, so forgive him and be grateful that there is no animosity or problems. You wil get what you would like in time, unless you mess it up for yourself with unwarranted jealousy. Don't mean to sound harsh btw, so sorry if it comes across that way! smile

SmilingEi Mon 29-Jun-09 19:42:23

hi,

welcome to MNsmile

ok, so you are angry with your DP's EX as she has had what you want with your DP??

well the way i see it is that is being fuelled by jealousy more than likely of the fact that he already has a child which is what you want in the future with him. try to remember that what she HAD you now HAVE IYSWIMsmile despite the fact that you have not had a child with him yet you have the relationship and the love so as their relationship didnt last, any child with you will be just as special as the child he already hassmile

you really do need to let go of the jealousy and move on. it will only make things strained between you and your DP and a relationship cant work in that capacity.

good lucksmile

xx ei xx

emmaneeds2know Mon 29-Jun-09 19:44:27

No harshness taken smile

Just don't know why I get so angry sometimes.

Was thinking of trying to find some kind of therapist or a pro to talk to- do you think this would be taking it too far?

Do you reckon i could 'gro out of it?'

nickytwotimes Mon 29-Jun-09 20:08:47

Well, talking it through mmight help you 'grow out of it' faster, iyswim!
Whatever will help you get rid of the feelings is worth a go. Have you tlked to friends about it?

emmaneeds2know Mon 29-Jun-09 20:36:35

yeah, have spoken to friends, which helps but as they're mostly my age and haven't experienced these feelings first hand I thought contacting people who may have had the same problems would be a bit more helpful (which it has)

also I think that speaking to people you don't know can sometimes be easier with more honest answers!

dilemma456 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:00:44

Message withdrawn

HerBeatitudeLittleBella Tue 30-Jun-09 22:09:06

I think you should go to counselling because you know yourself that there is no reason for you to feel so jealous of his Ex.

You sound very young and it is not OTT to go to counselling - the younger you get your issues sorted, the quicker you can move on to have the sort of life you want. I got counselling last year and wished I'd done it 20 years ago - my life would have been different.

Good luck.

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