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What would you do?

(6 Posts)
Minxymum Fri 13-May-05 16:28:27

My friend over the road has 2 dds - one from her first marriage (now 12) and one with her partner (now 8). The current partner doesnt get on with eldest child and never has really - they just hate each other. Anyway things have got so bad that dd1 has moved out to live with her dad. The relationship between friend and her partner is very rocky at best and I personally feel sad that she is putting her relationship with him before her dd's welfare.

She broke down in tears on me on Monday about her relationship with her dd and her partner and she is probably heading for breaking point in my opinion. Since then she hasnt been staying at home so partner is living in her house whilst she and dd2 are staying elsewhere and of course dd1 is at her dads. The other day dd2 who is friends with my friend's dd and same class as my ds told her that her mum had been angry and banged her head against the wardrobe/chest of drawers and dd1 had her head banged against the wall. Really dont know what to do (if anything). As I feel that she needs help but if someone at school hears this they will call in Social Services which may or may not be the best thing.

Tipex Fri 13-May-05 17:54:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minxymum Fri 13-May-05 19:52:16

well I do worry, Tipex, that if I say anything to her, it will cause further problems for her dd2 (who spoke out about it in the first place). I think she's literally coming to the end of her tether and I know she's also in trouble at work and on attendance management because she misses so much time. Her partner has a heart problem and shouldnt drink with the drugs he's on but he is I suspect an alcoholic. A few weeks ago he was on the drive at 11am with a can of beer and can regularly be seen walking to the local shop at about 11am and coming back with a bag of beer. He does drink a lot and they also have money worries. In fact my friend is also concerned to note that she is £180 a month down since her dd moved out.

Tessiebear Fri 13-May-05 20:15:12

Basically - it comes down to the question of How would you feel if you said nothing and then found out something more serious had happened. I think you should try and talk to HER.

Rainbow Fri 13-May-05 20:48:52

Do nothing and something happens you will be forever saying 'what if...'. Try and do all you can to help, if it doesn't work you can say 'I tried'. Your friend needs all the help she can get by the sounds of it. Good luck.

expatinscotland Fri 13-May-05 20:52:17

I'd call Social Services w/o a doubt. Imagine being 12 - you're totally trapped and at the mercy of the adults with whom you live. Now imagine living in fear of their temper - that sense of hopelessness, of being trapped, of anxiety.

No child deserves that.

It's the responsibility of adults to get help to learn to deal w/the stressful situations in life. Sometimes, they need assistance getting that help. That's why Social Services is there.

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