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I'm facing up to the fact that my life will never be complete

(31 Posts)
Wantingtobehappy Thu 18-Jun-09 22:23:16

I had a pretty major accident recently. I was badly hurt but incredibly fortunate to have come off as lightly as I did.

Since then everything in my life just feels so flat and empty. I have tried and tried to be happy and feel thankful to be alive but being honest I find every day a complete struggle.

I am constantly reminded of all the things I don't have in my life. The fact that I am always the one running round looking after being everyone else's support and that nobody really gives a shit about me. Not because I'm not loved- I know I am, but because people are just used to me being the strong, supportive fun one. I don't seem able to be that person any more and I find myself not knowing who the fuck I am anymore.

Aside from my job I have nothing really. No partner, no children. I'm unlikely now to ever have either and I might as well have no family at the moment. Odd that I am posting on a parenting board isn't it? That's largely because I don't belong anywhere really so here seems as good a place as any to post this.

Ignore me if it's easier than racking your brains to think of something supportive to say. I'm hoping it helps me to just get all of this out.

southeastastra Thu 18-Jun-09 22:24:20

cheer up

Lilyloo Thu 18-Jun-09 22:28:37

Had a convo with another mner about your role within family of being the main giver / taker etc

Maybe you have always been the main giver with family / friends and your accident has made you question this ?

Personally it took my mum dying for me to take steps to get out of this role.

I can only imagine how a serious accidnet can make you reevaluate your life.

Maybe look at what YOU can change rather than focusing on what you don't have.

Wantingtobehappy Thu 18-Jun-09 22:37:05

I have tried to cheer up. I really have. On the outside I seem perfectly normal but I get home every night and just cry. I just feel overwhelmingly lonely...and sad. really sad

There seems little I can change Lily. Good suggestion though and I probably do need to explore it in more detail.

I honestly feel like I will just turn into a miserable old cow who is never happy. I am usually such a cheerful positive person so I feel quite frightened about how I feel at the moment.

Thanks for replying anyway

MrsMuddle Thu 18-Jun-09 23:21:06

Could you be depressed? Would it be worth a visit to your GP? Otherwise, I can only suggest the old cliche of volunteering. I've worked with volunteers, and have seen some of them become happier and more confident, and make genuine friends.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Often it takes a major event to show us what we want to change in our lives.

Wantingtobehappy Thu 18-Jun-09 23:26:34

I work full time, not sure how I'd fit volunteering in though that does appeal actually. Different groups of people, something different to my work.

I probably am depressed bit scared of having that on my work record though as it could affect things for me.

I do have good friendships but it has just occurred to me how very one-sided they are.

I have thrown my whole life into my career which is very successful but on a personal level I have bugger all to show for my life.

Thanks for replying and making suggestions. Sorry if I seem to be am discounting them blush

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 18-Jun-09 23:35:10

Did you feel like this before your accident? Given that this is how you introduced your post it suggests that you didn't.

You haven't given any details about the accident but if it's true that, as a result, you cannot expect to have a partner or a child, then it has obviously had a massive impact on you and your life, and it would not be surprising if you were severely depressed as a result.

Can you tell us any more about your situation, so that we might help you more?

MrsMerryHenry Thu 18-Jun-09 23:39:30

What is it that you do for a living, Wanting? You're not a journalist, perchance?

tigerdriver Thu 18-Jun-09 23:40:55

Have you been to your GP? You might have some sort of trauma because of your accident, it's things like that which shake people up and unsettle them, you might be depressed or traumatised and not realise it. Just because you're physically ok you may still have had much more of a shock than you think.

Why won't you have a partner? Is that to do with the accident or just you feel you are beyond that? I bet you're not!

Onlyjoking Thu 18-Jun-09 23:46:58

it sounds like you might understandably be in shock, i am guessing the accident has made you look at things and re evaluate your life which in some ways is hard but in other ways may find you a different path if that makes any sense, can i send you a hug? cos it feels like you need one.

scottishmummy Thu 18-Jun-09 23:50:58

oh ease up with the journalist squawkin.

MrsMerryHenry Fri 19-Jun-09 00:08:23

Actually scottishmummy, I know a lot of journos with unfulfilling lives and superficial relationships, like the OP has described.

Ease up with the presumptuous posting.

<<sticks out tongue>>

FairyLightsForever Fri 19-Jun-09 00:10:55

It sounds like you may have post traumatic stress. Could you ask your doctor about it? He may be able to refer you for counselling, which could help you to re-evaluate where and how you fit in now.

FairyLightsForever Fri 19-Jun-09 00:12:28

Ah tiger! X-posted and you got there first! grin

thumbwitch Fri 19-Jun-09 00:13:44

intimations of mortality hit hard, hey. The thought that you could have died and what would you have left behind? Who would miss you and why?

Does that sound familiar? I would say that as well as that, you have the signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Counselling or some other form of therapy could help you with that.

Lulubee Fri 19-Jun-09 00:17:12

It does sound very much like you're depressed. There are ways out of it, no-one's life has to be meaningless. I feel so very very sad for you, and I really urge you to get therapy or counselling to help you see other ways in which you might make your life more meaningful. I think the volunteering idea is a really good one, and why on earth shouldn't you find a relationship now? I hope things work out.

Wantingtobehappy Fri 19-Jun-09 08:44:20

No I'm not a journalist MrsMH; not sure why that might be relevant anyway. So what if I was?

Thumbwitch I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I got goosebumps reading that.

Before the accident I still had that feeling that a lot of the things I had wanted/expected to have in my life had passed me by. I certainly wasn't depressed although had spent 2 years nursing a sick friend through a serious condition which then turned out to be invented- and this was following my best friend dying suddenly. I realise how ficticious this might sound but it is sadly true. The level of grief I felt at losing my friend was awful-we were just like sisters. So to find out after that that this other friend was so ill (even though she turned out not to be)was a shock and I uprooted my life to care for her. When I found out the truth 18 months ago, I actually posted on here, very late one night and got brilliant advice from you all which really kept me going.

Oh and yes I have namechanged- if any of you recognise me from the details I have posted, please don't out me. I need to try and keep it together on the outside at least.

I almost feel like I have layers of pain and hurt that have suddenly built up and sent me crashing down

Thankyou OJ-a hug would be good right now.

pinkpetunia Fri 19-Jun-09 08:53:37

I'm not an expert, but a lot fo the things you said in your OP sound just the way I felt when I was clinically depressed, and this can be brought on by a major trauma like you have been through.

Please go and see your GP and request counselling. I got from being where you are, with the help of counselling, to being a happy fulfilled person.

Please get help wink

JackBauer Fri 19-Jun-09 09:01:54

Just a quick post but a few years ago this could have been me. I witnessed a very violent crime (literally inches from me) and as a result became quite depressed, didn't want to leave the flat, panic attacks, general feeling of 'what's the point' and 'everything was too much'
I moved away and started anti depressants after walking into GP's and breaking down. Now I am fine. I do occasionally have flashbacks but I can cope with them now.

I do recommend going to see your GP and explaining all this. You can't expext a serious accident not to have had some longer term effect on you. Your work don't necessarily need to know if you are taking anti'd's do they?

and have a (((hug))) (but don't tell anyonewinksmile

SammyK Fri 19-Jun-09 09:11:20

I agree that you need to do something new that's just for you, it could be volunteering, or it could be an evening class or local community group.

Put this before commitments you feel you have to do, although for example volunteering helps others, it may do you the world of good to mix with other kind people, make new friends and meet new people.

If you are doing things out of obligation STOP. Put yourself first.

Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? I am like you in terms of others come to me and ever think I need help myself. If I tell people I feel down or need a hand they are usually surprised but supportive.

I would go to GP too, or look for a counsellor yourself if you can afford to.

Wantingtobehappy Fri 19-Jun-09 10:25:55

I haven't told anyone how I am feeling.
If I'm honest I think I've only just admitted it to myself really.

A lot of my other friends were taken in by this 'friend'. I went into fix it mode and threw myself into supporting everybody else- they all probably thought I was fine. I did the same when my friend died. Kept busy to distract myself.

I feel like something needs to change but it's hard to know where to start. A holiday might do me some good maybe but I take on board what you suggest about seeing my GP, that's a good idea and I find him very easy to talk to.

Thank you all x

thumbwitch Fri 19-Jun-09 10:32:14

I think seeing your GP would be a good starting point, WTBH - a holiday will be great later but at the moment you'd just be carting your inner feelings with you OR trying for escapism - and what you really need to do is face up to this situation and tackle it head on.

I don't know what your beliefs are but you could look at it like this: you could have died but you DIDN'T - therefore you have been saved for something else. There is time in your life to do the things you haven't yet done - so off you go and start doing them! Time for yourself, time to find out who you are and what you want - what a great opportunity!

Good luck!
<<and have a ((hug)) as well>>

SOLOisMeredithGrey Fri 19-Jun-09 10:42:45

Wantingtobehappy. Ten years ago I got ME and I made the decision that nothing was going to change for me. Unfortunately, my life has never been the same as it was 'before' and even worse was the fact that I couldn't move forward and just totally lived in the past. Everything that came out of my mouth or that I thought of was 'I used to be able to' or 'I used to do xyz...' etc.

Around 4 years ago, I stopped trying to live in the old body I had and took to living in the body I have now; the one that can't and doesn't go to the gym 4 times a week, the one that doesn't run up the stairs etc. I feel better about things now ~ though I don't like it, it's easier to live in the real now, not the past. I hope I've made sense here.

weegiemum Fri 19-Jun-09 10:47:56

It certainly sounds like you could have PTSD - either the GP or a private counsellor might be able to help you with that, with or without medication. Maybe if you went to see someone privately first they could give you an opinion if you worry about it being on your work record, but 1/3 people get depressed sometime and your work need never know.

SOLOisMeredithGrey Fri 19-Jun-09 10:48:26

Are you a namechanged regular OP?

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