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had no idea where to start this with the new mn!?.. long post just bit mixed up put me straight please!

(7 Posts)
madmissy Tue 02-Jun-09 17:22:12

first off needed to get all this out and had no idea where to post so sorry if its all over place and i sound like the loon i am lol

i have been ill since oct last year with pnd and just depression it seems and everything it comes with, i am now under care of hospital and have com nurse and consultant appts. i have anxiety therapy coming up too which i am hopeful will help alot

my husband was made redundant last year nov and now is home helping me with our two daughters.

currently we get

full HB an tax to our LHA it leaves us short by about £125 a month

Child tax creds and child benefit

my husband has not been claiming JSA simply as i have needed him home to help me

my sick pay ran out weeks ago and i have been having endless problems with work supplying me with the ssp1 but finally the sick pay claim seems to be getting somewhere bthey just need a pay slip from work ( they have not sent to me and due to probs before they offered to contact work direct)

the last few weeks have been pretty tough tbh and we have had a couple of crisis loans to tide us over when the payments had not started. but hopefully when my sick pay comes through we will just scrape through.

we have no debts to pay as we were made bankrupt in 07

now we have never claimed before and i will be honest i dont want this to last long i am slowly getting better and i am getting the help that i so desperately needed.

at only 24 i am desperate to have a career i would love when things get better to go on a course my husband is older and is 32 and i know he is desperately missing work... i can tell and i feel guilty.

i suppose what i am looking for is some kind of direction in my life... i recently found out that i am suprisingly expecting baby number 3 i am at just over 11 weeks now, that in itself has been tough and i feel that i have come to terms with it now (if that makes sense in good way?)

i think because of that i desperatly want our lives back on track.... but thats my problem i want/expect to much i have set myself up to fail my whole life and now i have made myself ill from it

i will be honest i feel embarrassed that we have had to claim and feel bit like low life which doesnt help me at the moment

sorry for such a long waffly post my main concerns are getting off benefits and getting back to work i feel a failure and i desperately want a life again.... will it ever happen?

alicecrail Tue 02-Jun-09 17:29:27

sad for your situation. In my opinion, this is exactly what benefits are for. To help bridge the gap for families in need. Do not feel guilty as that won't help you at all. Look at the positives - you are now getting help and you are starting to feel more positive and thinking about the future.

What are you interested in? Do you have any idea what sort of thing you would enjoy/be good at? 24 is still so young that even when your bump has reached school age, you have time for a career if thats what you want.
I hope everything works out well for you smile you sound as though you really deserve it.

madmissy Tue 02-Jun-09 17:41:28

thankyou so much for your reply!

the past few years have not been to kind for dh and me and now i am able to start looking at the good so perhaps thats why i still seem so down on things.

im finding it frustrating that its taken me so long to get better..
i was attacked few weeks back walking dd1 back from school with dd2 in buggy unbelievably it was 15yr old school girls i was punched 3 times and pushed into the road with both my dd's so thats knocked me back

as for what i want to do i have few ideas.... i was a hairdresser at Toni and guy and i did really well i even won best newcomer for my salon region but my axiety and panic attacks started way back then this was yeras before i met my dh so i could go back to that but i want a career to build on..

so that by the time my children are in their teens this will all be a distant memory and we will have good life and hey you never know a holiday!! lol

perhaps something that surrounds planning??

alicecrail Tue 02-Jun-09 18:07:52

Oh my god, that sounds horrific! I think you have coped amazingly after having something like that happen shock

At least you have something you can do, should you want to just get out there and give you the confidence. Perhaps start cutting friends and neighbours hair, just to give you your own sense of worth back iyswim?

I really think it's great that you have a goal. Could you perhaps go to the library and look up on what interests you? Use these years as research if you like.

And yes, in a couple of years it will be a distant memory as you lie on an exotic beach somewhere grin

I don't know if this is any help or comfort to you, but i found my teens very hard and i started cutting myself and taking whole packs of pills just because i was finding life hard and didn't know how to cope. I find life so much easier now but still have the low days, but find they are easier to deal with knowing that i have been so much worse and put in so much work to make myself better that i refuse to go there again.

lillypie Tue 02-Jun-09 18:24:02

Getting help for your problems is your first step towards getting better.

Set small achievable goals for yourself and use these successes to build up your confidence

Your main priority must be getting yourself better (you have to be at your best in order to give your children the best of you iyswim)

The benefit system is in place for people in need so please don't feel guilty about claiming.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope your start to feel better soon x

madmissy Tue 02-Jun-09 19:23:58

think you are right on setting myself goals small ones anyway!
i had set myself lots of goals and at 24 i feel like i have failed fgs! i have done so much so young and whilst i would not change what i have i would have changed how i achieved them..... does that make sense?

lillypie Tue 02-Jun-09 21:07:09

You have NOT failed at anything you are living your life and dealing with what it throws at you.You are only 24 and have your whole life ahead of you to achieve what ever you want.

For now concentrate on getting yourself better.As I said baby steps and small goals.Be kind to yourself and try and give yourself a little me time everyday.Your DH sounds like a lovely man let him help you and don't feel guilty he loves you and wants you to feel better smile

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