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(14 Posts)
distant Sat 07-May-05 16:46:40

Would just like some opinions on "social drinking"
My dh says it's part of the culture when he goes out for a drink with his boss after work,but this seems to happen all to often.I am having problems with depression at the moment and find it difficult to manage with the children on a daily basis.So when he gets in late of an evening yet again i have had to deal with the kids tea,getting them ready for bed on my own again.I count away the hours till it its time for him to get home from work to be let off some of the pressure im feeling.
He has weekends off and only just today went out at 11.40 and returned at 3.45 drunk.He is going away tomorrow on a business meeting until tuesday night so it wil be me on my own again coping.
Bearing in mind last week 3 out of 5 nights he went to the pub again returning at after 9pm
This was just the last straw today.
It is so fdifficult to keep it all together,i have to go the bathroom to cry so my kids don,t see i am upset yet again.I can't control my crying.
My niece rang just after he got in today and i told him not to answer it when the phone rang as i was too upset but he did anyway and i sobbed down the phone to my niece.
He came through when i was talking to her and gave me a filthy look saying what are you doing?
He told me off when i put the phone down for crying to my niece and said what on earth is wrong with you.
I don't know what to do anymore,it's like living with 2 different people.
Am i wrong,is it normal for men to go to the pub that often to discuss business,but i would be naive to think it is always about business!!
I think that is an excuse.
I would welcome any opinions or feedback from someone else in a similar situation.

moondog Sat 07-May-05 16:50:44

distant,noone could objest to the occasional after work drink or even the occasional piss up,but three nights out of five going drinking,and a weekend session are toooo much.

How old are your children and how many do you have?

elsmommy Sat 07-May-05 16:53:29

I don't really have any advice but I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
And no, I don't think it is normal going to the pub that ofte

distant Sat 07-May-05 16:56:58

Hi moondog,i have 2 children,they are 2 and 4.
I don't object to the occasional drink after work,it's just how i am feeling at the moment it is all too much most days looking after the kids
I don't need the extra pressure og never knowing what time he will be in and in what state.Today i kept ringing him and he kept turning his phone off.
Then came in as if he had only been out 10 mins.
Then proceeded to tell me to shup up as he was watching the football.
I do object to the name calling and hurtful things he says ,which he conviently forgets the next day and i have to live with.

moondog Sat 07-May-05 17:02:53

distant,he sounds like a selfish t**t.
Things must be very difficult for you. Have you confided in a friend? What do other people thin k of him?

distant Sat 07-May-05 17:11:40

I have confided in my niece but she has her own family and don't want to worry her.I tried to speak to his mum once when i was so upset,but she just brushed it under the carpet and has,nt mentioned it since.She is of the opinion i am not depressed and that is that.His father was a business man and was away a lot and the drinking,dinner party set was normal for my dh when he was growing up, so probably why his mum thinks it is acceptable.
When he is not drinking he is really nice and helpful with the kids but just lately it seems to be more drinking days than normal days.
He can be agruing with me and being nasty then someone will ring up and he will speak to them in a totally different tone and be nice.
The other night the tv was playing up so he was checking the airiel(this was after he had been to the pub) and when i asked him what he was doing he said he was straightning out the wires to strangle me and not leave any evidence.
Next morning he is unaware he has said this and i am feeling so hurt and confused whilst he just goes off to work leaving me to deal with it and keep it all together for the kids sake.

distant Sat 07-May-05 17:14:11

elsmommy ,thanks for your kind words

pinkroses Sat 07-May-05 17:15:05

SOunds like a horrid chap to me. How long have you been with him? Has he always acted like this?

Louise1980 Sat 07-May-05 17:15:36

I have to agree with Moondog. Too many after work drinks with the boss imo is butt kissing! At weekends too its getting serious.

I dont want to alarm you and granted I have never met you or dh but my ex was an alcoholic an this is how it started. Hows your dh stress levels at work? Could there be a valid stress relieving reason for this much time in the pub?

I dont want to pry but just think about these things to yourself
1. His job - is it stressfull?
2. Hows your relationship?
3. How is he towards kids?
4. Is he afer a promotion at wotk?

These could all be reasons why he is avoiding time at home or spending extra time with his boss. If you want to talk CAT me.

x x x

distant Sat 07-May-05 17:23:36

pinkroses, i have been with him for 13 years and if i think back drink has always been an issue in our relationship.I have put up with it,but now we have children i can't deal with it anymore.

Louise1980,he sometimes jokingly says he is an alcoholic,but does'nt seem worried by this.

Louise1980 Sat 07-May-05 17:25:30

My xp used to say, as long as I dont admit it Im not an aclcoholic. Id say that the alcoholics with a problem deny it anyway. I really dont know what to say. If its always been an issue you might have trouble changing him now.

distant Sat 07-May-05 17:30:24

louise1980 i have catted you

distant Sat 07-May-05 17:32:25

I had hoped although he was like this in the past that having the children would have changed all that.That should be incentive enough.

Davros Sat 07-May-05 17:40:28

Blimey, I'd be depressed too, really feel for you.

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