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feel so ashamed

(65 Posts)
uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:18:08

to say this but lately I just dont like my baby at the moment although I love him with all my heart.

I feel sick to see the words typing out in front of me.

Nothing I do seems to make my boy happy (he is 13mths old) I take him to classes and to activities and he just whines and moans and clings to me. If we are alone at home he does the same. If I take him for a nice walk, he does the same. I feel like my life is impossible at the moment. All of the other 'mums' that I made friends with have made it clear they are not interested, one girl even said that my ds makes her stressed so much she can't cope with his bawling, as she put it. Why can't I have a chille dout content baby like they all seem to?

I can't shop(groceries, which for a while was my most exciting thing to do) can't visit friends with him as he cries so loudly he upsets everyone.It's a daily occurance to have people tut and whisper things like...aaaah poor thing, pick him up etc, it just is so tiring and stressful.

I saw a group of mothers today having a picnic and chatting with each other while their babies crawled around and there was me with my ds screaming until we got home.

I always dreamed of the day I could have my own baby and sing to him,soothe him, play with him, learn with him, instead I just feel like he gives me nothing in return. I have to keep happy and not let the way I'm feeling show but after 10 months of this I feel like I am going to crack.

What on earth is wrong with me?

stitch Tue 03-May-05 21:23:06

sounds to me like depression. and he is picking up on it. which is why he is being mmore whiney and moaney. although that is quite typical toddler behaviour, i think its being aggravated.

i think that if you are worried enough by it to look for help, then you are in fact a very good mummy.
these mums you met dont seem to be particularly supportive at themoment. try spening time with supportive family members? or try getting someone else to look after him for a couple of hours whilst you recharge.
also, try massage. works wonders on younger kids. might with him.
also, go have a facial and or massage yourself.
good luck

SenoraPostrophe Tue 03-May-05 21:23:09

ds can be a bit like this sometimes, although he's always had an angelic 10 mins or so after tea and before bed - it's down to tiredness and hunger with him I think (but will he eat or sleep properly? no no no).

He was never as bad as your ds sounds, but have you experiemented with feeding/sleeping times and foods?

Also he is now 15 months and has really turned a corner since he started walking - is your ds walking yet?

SenoraPostrophe Tue 03-May-05 21:24:04

Actually stich is right.

Does your ds whine as much when someone else is looking after him when you aren't there?

alexsmum Tue 03-May-05 21:26:55

I don't think there's anything wrong with you hon, i think anyone would be stressed of they spent all their time with someone who cried constantly.
And I think everyone has times when they feel like they don't like their kids- i know i have.

Does he have anytime during the day when he is content? What are his sleeping patterns like? If he's not sleeping well, he could be overtired and therefore grumpy. Have you spoken to your health visitor?

Your friend doesn't sound very nice...i hope someone is as helpful when she's going through a bad time with her kids.

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:27:35

no everyone else seems to say he is an angel

I try soo hard, no family nearby or friends but he has started going to a creche for 2 hours a week, he doesn't walk yet but he is also like that with his Dad

Makes us think he really doesn't like us sometimes

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:28:42

HV visitor told me I have a 'high maintenanace' child and that I was just goin to have to get used to it!

Charming.

SenoraPostrophe Tue 03-May-05 21:29:17

if he whinges with you and not other people, it doesn't mean you're not a good mum - quite the opposite in fact.

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:30:09

how do you mean?

stitch Tue 03-May-05 21:30:20

do the creche say he is upset a lot?
maybe its the whole atmosphere at home? kids pick up on a lot of things we dont think they do. i would definitly go see your hv and or doctor. and try getting as much time away for yourself as you can. even if it means paying someone, .

Katemum Tue 03-May-05 21:30:22

I agree that he could be picking up on your moods, worth a thought, if you are down it could be making him clingy and anxious.
Has he always been like this or is it a more recent event? Could he be having a real struggle with teething? Maybe try a dose of calpol or teething powders to see if they make him a little happier.

Katemum Tue 03-May-05 21:32:55

You say that you think he doesnt like you but you also say that he clings to you. Think about that, if it wasn't you he wanted to be with so much he wouldn't be clinging to you.
Give yourself a break, you are being too hard on yourself.

aloha Tue 03-May-05 21:32:58

How does he sleep at night? Does he nap well? have you tried giving him a drink and a biscuit when he starts to get irritable?
How are you apart from feeling frustrated with your ds? Could you be depressed?

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:34:56

he had a bout of teething where he got so bad my lovely DH had to take off 3 days from work as he screamed about every 30 minutes. After 3 days of helping me and not sole charge DH told me he didn't know how on earth I handled it, was full of admiration etc. That seems to have stopped now.

Thing is I have only started to feel a little down about it for the last few weeks or so.

DS has only ever seen me happy and upbeat which doesn't explain why he has been like this for so long

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:36:52

This sounds strange but I don't generally feel down.

I do give him snacks and drink to keep his blood sugar levels stable etc.

He naps in the morning/afternoon then goes through the night till 7 am ish.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaah, listen to me....what could it be?

elastamum Tue 03-May-05 21:37:23

I sympathise, it must be really hard when you are doing your best and he doesnt seem happy. Just one thought, have you had him checked out by your GP to make sure he doesnt have any underlying health problems. Our youngest had a UTI as a baby that took ages to diagnose and he was really miserable. Nothing specific at first but whined all the time and i couldnt put him down. If all is well then maybe you also need the occasional break if you can get it just to recharge. Is he an active baby? Our eldest was so desperate to get about he was really frustrated until he got up and walked, every time I put him down he complained like mad!

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:38:45

thanks for your last post Kate, you are right that has made me feel a little better. I guess I may sound like I am being hard on myself. But it just feels quite umm, frustrating that I can't seem to have a contented baby. I'dlove that more than anything right now.

aloha Tue 03-May-05 21:40:23

Could he be in some kind of discomfort?
Is he as bad when you are quiet at home, maybe watching cbeebies? Perhaps he finds groups/crowds overwhelming? With my ds I find giving a drink and maybe something to eat the minute he gets crotchety (and he isn't tired) helps immensely.
Is there anything that soothes him?
It sounds dreadful and I do feel great sympathy for you btw.

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:40:48

GP checked him over and agreed with the HV!

Do you think it's worth going back to the GP?

aloha Tue 03-May-05 21:41:54

I'd also visit the gp for a checkup, and maybe try Calpol/baby Nurofen because if he is in discomfort it should help and might give you a clue as to what's upsetting him.

aloha Tue 03-May-05 21:42:23

Sorry - cross posted. Do you like/trust your GP?

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:43:32

Thanks Aloha.
I'm not sure about the discomfort thing, yes I suppose he does seem that way at times. Sometimes he will maon until I pick him up and then he'll rest his head on my shoulders and give me a hug and it melts my heart.

He gets fed and watered regularly so I don't think it could be that. I do try to offer quite a bit

stitch Tue 03-May-05 21:44:19

yes, definitly go back to gp

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:44:23

yes my GP is very overworked but lovely. Perhaps I need to revisit him.

uselessmummy Tue 03-May-05 21:46:55

the only thing that seems to soothe sometimes is singing to him. I have lost count of the people staring whilst I have him on my hip, singing "If you're happy and you know it" whilst trying to pack the shopping

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