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Would it bother you if parent stayed at your childs party

(35 Posts)
macwoozy Thu 28-Apr-05 18:56:37

My 5 year old ds has been invited to a birthday party. It will be his very first, well apart from one when he was 2, but that doesn't count. I imagine the whole class has been invited. It will be held in an indoor ball park, its going to be an hour or so of play followed by some food. My ds can't be trusted to behave whilst he's there, and without my supervision he's likely to be really hard to manage.I really want him to go as he always misses out on events like these, but if I do let him go, I've just got to be there, just to keep him in place.

I've never spoken to the birthday girls mum, so I will find it really hard to just ask out of the blue if it's OK for me to stay.

As I'm obviously a novice when it comes to these kiddies parties I'd really be interested to hear what other mums think of this. Would you mind at all if another parent who you've never spoken to before asked if she could stay behind, or would that make you feel abit awkward, perhaps you would prefer only parents stay that you knew well. I'd hate to be anywhere where I didn't feel welcome but at the same time I really want my ds to experience the fun of a birthday party.

Do many parents stay behind or do you leave as soon as you've dropped off the kids. Have you ever stayed behind even when you haven't been asked to?

Reading this back to me sounds like I'm worrying about such a trivial matter, can't help myself

cod Thu 28-Apr-05 18:57:31

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cod Thu 28-Apr-05 18:57:51

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Blossomhill Thu 28-Apr-05 18:59:53

No I think do what you feel best doing. My dd who is nearly 6 (and has sn) still needs me to stay and I feel better staying as I trust very few people to look after her like I do.

Pinotmum Thu 28-Apr-05 19:00:58

I think at this age it is expected that you would stay. Any parties dd has attended in soft play areas has had loads of mums there and I have felt obligated to stay even though I wanted to go

sunchowder Thu 28-Apr-05 19:01:53

If you are worried about his behavior, I think you should stay. I am terribly honest, so I would mention to the Mom that you are concerned about him and ask if there is anything that you can help her with at the part, that you would prefer to stay for a "while" if that would be alright. If she doesn't respond or give you anything to help out, I agree with Cod to keep a low profile. I loved having Moms and Dads stay when having parties for my DD, but everyone is different and I can understand your hesitation. Good Luck and have fun!

coldtea Thu 28-Apr-05 19:02:18

Last year my ds was 4 & invited 12 of his nursery school friends. 4 parents stayed but only one of them asked if this would be ok! I didn't mind at all. This year he has been to 2 parties. At the 1st one only 2 parents stayed & at the 2nd 4 stayed.

I think at ball parties a lot stay as it's easier to.

aloha Thu 28-Apr-05 19:04:28

Of course you can stay! In fact, they will probably be absolutely delighted to have another pair of hands to help out. I'm amazed how many people dump their kids and run even though they are so very young. The other day an acquaintance had to manage 30 4 year old girls, and only one other mother stayed. I was absolutely horrified.

serenity Thu 28-Apr-05 19:04:49

I (and most other parents in our class) would still hang around at a 5 year olds party. Good excuse to sit down with a coffee and have a gossip! Most kids parties in our school tend to assume some people would be staying and cater for adults as well.
I always ask my Dkids if they want me to stay, DS1 only wanted to be left when he was about 6, DS2 is 4 going on 5 and still wants me to hang around.

hatsoff Thu 28-Apr-05 19:04:50

I wouldn't be remotely offended, if anything I'd welcome an extra adult hand. But you sound very sure your ds would misbehave. A lot of kids are completely different with other grown ups. Is it worth putting it to the test? You could leave your mobile and tell the host that you're just hanging around nearby so she can call you whenever if he gets too much.

Trifle Thu 28-Apr-05 19:05:17

It's not up to the hostess whether you stay or not and I am sure most are glad of the extra help in wiping snotty noses, handing out drinks or sorting out bumps and bruises. I have found that at least half the mums stay, more as a social thing rather than anything as it's the only chance they get to have a decent conversation with eachother outside of the 5 minutes at the school gate. Dont justify why you feel the need to stay there, after all there is probably only housework lurking at home so why not indulge yourself with a with a large frothy coffee, some decent chat or a good magazine.

puddle Thu 28-Apr-05 19:05:45

My ds is 5 and all the parties he's been to this year (he's in reception) have had a mix of parents who stay and go. It's the other way round - parenst tend to ask if it's ok to leave them. AT ds's party a month ago about a third of the kids were left and two childen who were left got very upset - one asked me to call his mum and fetch her back, the other I managed to cheer up and she was fine. I think it depends on the child - you know whether it's a good idea to leave him or not and am sure the parent organising it would love an extra pair of hands!`

Gillian76 Thu 28-Apr-05 19:05:59

We had our DDs 5th party in February and quite a few parents stayed. I was quite surprised and as cod says I did feel it cramped my style a little!

In saying that, I would never ask another parent to leave their child in an enviromnent they were uncomfortable with and I soon got used to it. All the children had a ball and that's the main point after all.

I have stayed at parties with my children when I knew the parents and a couple when I didn't. Mostly now I get told to leave "We'll be fine mum!"

I would do what you are most comfortable with and I can't imagine anyone making you feel unwelcome.

puddle Thu 28-Apr-05 19:07:11

and tbh I would have preferred not to have had to sort out two upset kids on top of the party - we did it all ourselves so had games to organise etc!

hatsoff Thu 28-Apr-05 19:10:05

aloha - if I had invited 30 kids I'd plan to have enough adults on hand, regardless of what the parents do. dd is having about 18 to her party and there will definitely be me, dh, granny and a friend. I'd rather a couple of parents stayed as well but I'm not going to risk being stranded if they don't.

macwoozy Thu 28-Apr-05 19:17:34

Well now I'm feeling much more positive about this, I really didn't know that many parents actually stayed behind. I'd love to help out but I'm not a particulary outgoing person so I'm more likely to stay hidden away pretending to read a copy of bella or something.

Great, feel much better about this, this might actually give me the opportunity to get to know a few other parents. I do wonder that if the parent knows of my sons erratic behaviour she might be secretly hoping that I've not taken up the invite but then again maybe I've got to stop being so paranoid and just go along and watch my ds have a good time............I hope. Thanks all

psychomum5 Thu 28-Apr-05 19:21:05

With each of mine I have normally always stayed, and I welcome any mum who ask's if she can stay at any of my kiddies parties. Sometimes it's nice, especially if I don't get the chance to get to chat to them at the school and so this gives us a chance to. Other times it hasn't worked so well, but that is normally because said mum is either very shy, or may feel intimidated by me and my friends all chatting so much and feels unable to break into our conversations.

Another thing is that you have mentioned is that it is at a ball place, and that especially gets quite hectic....that does give more reason in my book to stay. And from my perstective when I have hosted parties in those types of places, I don't always know where each child is....it is soo much easier if their mums are with them as it free's me slightly and I can spend time with the (sometime) upset kiddies who are without a parent.
Anyway, you are his mum and you know him best. If you don't think he is ready to be left yet, then don't. You will only be fretting at home.

binkie Thu 28-Apr-05 19:23:10

Completely utterly normal to stay, especially if it's an off-site party like a ball park. Suppose might be different if it was the birthday child's own home.

I think the parents will be delighted to have you around. I've just been to ds's schoolfriend's mass party (six year olds) & stayed - spent much of it responding to "[ds]'s mummy, can I have a drink?" "[ds]'s mummy, where are my socks?" (and even "[ds]'s mummy, can I be excused?") If just two parents had to do all that, no fun at all.

Weatherwax Thu 28-Apr-05 19:23:49

I'm running a 4th birthday party on Sunday and I only know some of the children by sight. If the child is going to be left with a group of adults who they don't know and might get spooked by this I would dearly love for the parent to stay. DD1's 7th party was last month and one child was hit in the eye by another.DH,child and friend (not hitter) departed to A&E, so I was one helper down and did we have the correct number for childs Mum? No. So at this party any parent leaving will be accosted for a contact number! At DD1's previous parties there has always been one child who needed reassurance and I have wished that parent hadn't delivered and ran. A friend always goes and takes a book so she's on hand if needed but you hardly notice that she is there

Pinotmum Thu 28-Apr-05 19:27:31

When dd has been at these soft play areas she forgets to come for food so I have to find her - can't expect a busy hostess to remember every child. Of course if it was a house then I'd feel happy leaving her

KBear Thu 28-Apr-05 19:34:17

I have always stayed at the bouncy soft play areas as it is always my DD who ends up with a bumped head and needs consoling! Every single time, I kid you not.

I think at a house party it's different, there wouldn't be room for all the adults but at the soft play places there is usually a cafe area and all the parents can sit and chat and it's a good opportunity to get to know each other so you're more relaxed leaving them as they get older.

Follow YOUR instincts.

cupcakes Thu 28-Apr-05 19:37:35

My ds (almost 5) has only recently starting going to parties on his own. It's usually a 50/50 mix of parents staying or leaving - and I always check it's ok to leave him before I disappear!
As a host though I find the more parents stay the more work there is to do - I spend the whole time making cups of tea which I'd rather not be doing. Maybe you could offer to do this to help the host?
It is a borderline age - when the children were younger I always wanted the parents to stay because otherwise it was too much having to personally care for x amount of 3 & 4 year olds who still needed help with the loo, putting food on their plates etc. But at ds's soon to be 5th party I would expect most of the children to be able to do this themselves and only need their mums as moral support if they stayed - it would be nice if those remaining mums helped with the running of the party!

WideWebWitch Thu 28-Apr-05 20:09:51

IME at 4/5 parents drop and run but if I were holding the party it wouldn't bother me in the least if parents stayed if they wanted to. And you prob should if you think he won't behave. But maybe he can be trusted more than you think, amazing how devils can turn into angels when another parent is in charge!

macwoozy Thu 28-Apr-05 20:14:55

Thats it then, I will be going.

I just told my ds and he's really excited. I've taken on board what you've all said, I'll mention to the mum that I'd like to stay to watch over my ds, I'll ask if she needs help and going by her reaction I'll either help with the party or creep away into the background. I know all the kids pretty well because I go in and listen to their reading every week at school, its just the parents I'm abit unsure of. Thanks for all helping me out here.

feelingold Thu 28-Apr-05 20:24:10

My ds will be 5 in a couple of weeks and will be having a party at a local indoor play area and I expect about 1/2 of the mums to stay. Some of the kids are confident and know me well enough to not need their mums but some aren't. I still haven't been able to leave my ds at any parties yet so I wouldn't worry if I were you.

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