Miseryguts

[Rhubarb]

There, now I can be all miserable without hijacking anyone else's thread! Custdy mate, wanna join me? We can be miserable together!

I hate pregnancies!!!!

[NQWWW]

Sorry Rhubarb, I don't know your circumstances - is the pgy you hate, or is it that you don't want another child?

[WideWebWitch]

Rhubarb, wrote you a long post, decided it was too much to post here but anyway, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.

[sykes]

Not too fond of being pregnant either - end result rather nice. However, after last night where both dds were up CONSTANTLY, may revise my opinion. Sorry not the most helpful thing to say. But do agree that I hated being pregnant and yerned to be a gerbil - 6 weeks gestation period - until somebody pointed out I'd have ended up with about 20 babies.

[Philippat]

rhubarb, had to go search to find out why you were miserable. Take care love, it's OK to be a miseryguts. Plus I know you'll do a great job of coping.

[sykes]

Sorry re crass remark - have now searched, which I seemed to have problems with before. Lots of luck.

[mum2toby]

I can't find it! I'm rubbish at this searching lark.... could someone please let me know which thread I should look at?

[monkey]

Rhubarb, are you one of thes people who can seem to miraculously put thngs out of their minds? I definitely can't, but you read all these people saying they were so busy with no. 1 they barely gave it a second thought. Maybe you can try the ostrich approach to help you through? Sorry, I'm absolutely not trying to trivialise it for you, but some people can throw themselves into a project or something & cope by not thinking about it as much.

I personally find babyhood very difficult, especially from weaning onwards, the frustrations with learning to walk, sit up, whatever. I've really enjoyed my kids once they could walk & talk. I did choose to get pg, so in this way we're in v. different situations, but at the same time, I am kinda dreading the next 2.5 years! As well as being v. excited. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will I do a better job this time?

Do i remember correctly ages ago you were posting about going travelling with your dd? I can't remember your exact situation, maybe this wasn't even you? Would it help us to help you if you let us catch up on what your situation is, other than pg & shocked.

Again, all the best. I've never said this before, but, cyberhugs...

[Rhubarb]

Ok, for those who don't know, this may explain.

[monkey]

Oh, Rhubarb, i've just looked at the link. I'm so sorry - are you feeling as bad this time around? You haven't said yet how dh is taking this one - you said he really wanted to keep your dd.

I'm really sorry, I don't know what to say. Last night I was thinking about you again. I thought of suggesting you look at the positives of a 2nd child , rather than the pregnancy itself, after all there are plenty of women who don't enjoy pregnancy, and it can often be just plain hard work, but even though 9 months is a long time, it is just a temporary state.

I was worried how I would cope with a 2nd child, especially as mine are only 17 months apart, but for me I've found

-2 are definitely easier than 1. OK some thngs eg bedtime take a bit longer, but I have more 'free' time than friends who have only 1. They just prefer to play together and demand less from me.

-They have a confidant in each other. Even at this young age, they will often turn to each other for comfort, and I'm sure when they're older they'll be able to tell each other things they don't feel they could talk to me about.

-The way they look after each other eg at playgroup is totally heart warming.

-For the sake of being morbid, when I die, I know they won't be alone, I think that while parental death is never easy, it can be harder for only children.

-Most of all I think, their individual personalities bring so much to the family but also to each other. eg My older son is quite quiet and lacking in confidence, sensitive and obedient. My younger son is fearless, naughty, care free and full of joie de vivre. My younger son encourages my older one to be more outgoing and confident, he helps him try things he otherwise would shy away from. My older one tends to encourage his younger brother to be a bit less mad & a bit more cautious. They are very different and really complement each other. They encourage each other in a way that neither myself or my husband can do.

I'm sorry if this is really off of me. I haven't felt the panick or depression that you have felt, but I have had concerns about a 2nd child. Maybe, as on the other threads focussing of the positives of pregnancy isn't enough. Whatever, though I wish you all the best & will be thinking of you & your family.

[Meanmum]

Rhubarb - I don't feel I can offer any advice other than to let you know I am thinking of you. In times like this know that I and other mumsnetters are there for you.

I feel for you and wish I could take away the misery and other feelings you are going through but unfortunately I don't think that is possible. If it is let me know how.

[mum2toby]

Rhubarb - I suffered from PND from just days after ds was born. I didn't seek help until ds was 18mths old... prompted by reading this website!

Like monkey says, are you feeling like that this time or is it more fear of the depression striking again?? I am terrified of having PND again with the next one and am also scared that I won't enjoy my 2nd coz I'll be constantly looking for signals that it's 'starting'. I know how hard depression is to deal with, but this pregnancy might go well and if you start to feel that way again at least you know help is at hand and you will be taken seriously.

How are you?

[Rhubarb]

How come on Mumsnet there are more threads about pregnancies than ever before? I just can't seem to get away from it!
Feeling really down today. A friend called to ask if I was going out Sat night, and dh is unhappy because I won't have sex with him.
I miss alcohol - it's what my weekends are for! I go out with friends or share a bottle of wine with dh, it's what I look forward to, it's my relaxant and a way of keeping in touch with my pre-child days. I don't know how else to relax and I can't stop dh from going out.
Thanks Monkey and others. Dh is coping well as he always does, but I think he's a bit sad about it all too. I am worried that it will all happen again. I already feel isolated, 'cause my friends don't know, and I've stopped going out cause I can't drink (I've never been able to drink just Coke!). Plus of course the sex side, I don't feel like it at all, I'm not relaxed enough and just bloody well feel so pissing sad!

I really wish I could swear 'cause I just WANT TO SWEAR AND STAMP MY FEET AND SAY NOOOOOOOOOOO! But other than that I'm coping fine!

[WideWebWitch]

Rhubarb, IKWYM about some of it. I haven't been the most positve over the last few weeks either -I've missed wine (and fags, although I don't intend to ever go back to them) and have found myself going to bed at 8pm some nights because I am tired and BORED, BORED, BORED! I've also cried a lot and been bad tempered, scared and negative about the whole thing. I spoke to a couple of friends (they have children) yesterday who made me realise I'm not alone. When I asked how they were they said "well, ha ha ha, at least I'm not pregnant matey. Poor you" and sympathised. One made me feel better by telling me she felt the same about her second pregnancy and that it helped her to think 'Oh well, I'll never have to do this again'. It has helped me slightly. I also tried to think logically about all my symptoms (crying, tiredness, negativity) and realised that a lot of them are down to hormones. Plus I don't have the blissful ignorance of the first time around!

You're right, there are lots of pregnancy threads here atm - I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to avoid the 'I won't get pregnant again because...' thread. Rhubarb, I'm scared too. Of pregnancy and anything going wrong, of labour and the extreme pain (or worse), of the first few months and no sleep, of pnd and isolation, of toddlerhood all over again, not to mention piles, poo and all the other awful things mentioned on the above thread. I've cried buckets about all of these things.

I know you had an awful time before and I can't know what it was like but this time you have experience and hindsight so maybe it will be a bit better? I'm sure I don't know exactly how you're feeling but I think I understand some of it. For 2 pins I could have booked a termination a week ago, that's how much I hated it. And mine was planned! But I am getting used to it and I do think I'll get through it somehow with the support of my dp and friends (and mumsnet, which wasn't around last time). I don't know if any of this helps but I have been thinking of you and wondering about posting this personal stuff in the hope that it might be some help. My email is [email protected] if you want to talk off board.

[grommit]

Rhubarb - I just went to your site and now understand why you are so upset. Maybe the fact that you have already been through this and know what to expect will help. Sorry I can't say anything more useful - thinking of you

[Gizmo]

Rhubarb

I just wrote something long and rambly about how much your contributions and site have helped me out, but when I edit it down, it just comes out as: good luck and keep posting.

[winnie1]

Rhubarb, tried to find something constructive to say. Deleted everything as it just seemed inadequate. I suffered post natal depression as a result of an unplanned pregnancy so I have some idea how you feel. Please get some help and don't allow yourself to get isolated... Please keep posting and rage all you like. Thinking of you, Winnie xx

[susanmt]

Rhubabrb, I just wanted to say ((hugs)) and I'm thinking of you. I suffered very bad PND (hospitalised) with dd, and was totally terrified the whole way through my pregnancy with ds. So terrified that I actually ended up on the antidepressants at 7 months as I had already started to go downhill. I'm still on them.
I can't say I know how you feel as you have suffered so much, I do know what a total disaster another pregnancy would be for me.
Take care, keep posting, and you and your family will be in my prayers.

[SilverUK]

I'm new to this but just want to say I had bad PND with the first one, and feared it with the second. This showed up as severe insomnia among other things. So far (3 months old and counting) I have been fine and felt even happy at times, which is very unexpected. I would even sleep all night some nights, if dd2 would let me! Also I feel low and very low at times, or can't sleep, but I don't panic anymore, as I now realise that is normal. Keep telling yourself that the second time around is different, just by virtue of being the second time around. Also you may have another little person in the picture (number one!) who will at least distract you or might even make you laugh. Pregnancies are truly dire though!

[bossykate]

rhubarb, i'm aware of what happened before, all i can think of to say is that we are not doomed to repeat history - things may be different for you this time and i hope they are. best of luck to you.

also wanted to say i related to every word of www's post. had a crappy, long labour, but as dh and i contemplate having another one, what puts me off is the thought of pregnancy itself, not the labour. i was bored from about 8 weeks, just wanted it to be over. on the emotional side, it was like having awful pmt for nine months straight. couldn't get over how my body "let me down" - so tired at 9.00pm, couldn't walk beyond a snail's pace after about 24 weeks. first trimester lasted 19 weeks, third trimester began at 27 weeks - symptoms wise that is. it was misery! and this was a normal, healthy pregnancy!

sorry, rhubarb, i have gone on and on! hope you are feeling better soon. best wishes, bk.

[Marina]

Rhubarb, I've been away for a week and come back to find your news. I've been thinking of you a lot since I read your other posts earlier in the day. I'm with WWW on this - this time round I am getting a slight inkling into what you must have been through with your last pregnancy. The last 22 weeks have been very bad for me at times as I approached the time when we lost Tom, but having passed that landmark and had a very positive anomaly scan experience I am slowly starting to feel better. One of the things that helped me was reading an article in a pregnancy mag about prenatal depression - it featured someone I thought I recognised...YOU have helped a lot of people understand this condition by being so honest and proactive about it. I hope the same help is forthcoming to you all this time round, you really deserve it. The very best of luck to you. XXX

[annonnymouse2]

I read your story and it reminded me of how I felt when I was pregnant at 17 - totally unplanned - and I just denied it completely half the time, and the other half I just raged against my body for betraying me in this horrific way. The baby was never born as I miscarried at 20 weeks - didn't know what was going on at all.

So, we're all thinking about you - rage here all you need to.