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why do i feel like this.......

12 replies

biglips · 12/04/2005 22:50

If i plan something i aim for it till the day comes and suddenly i back right off on it on the last minute and feel guilty about it and then i do it all over again and it happens again which i feel like asking someone to kick me hard up my bum to do it..

ive been like this for the past 12 yrs and i went worse 3 yrs ago, as it got to the point where i stopped socialising with people and speaking to people in work as i felt comfy with my DP... i used to go to Archery which i do enjoy alot but it feels its a big thing to do as when i do go, i stay there for eg 3 hours where i can stay there for 5 hours and i feel thats enough and i feel i need to get away from the people even though they are nice people.

Since ive had baba and on maternity leave, ive joined the mums and babies group which was a big step for me and also doing level 2 in BSL too and also back in touch with my mates again but i do want to go back to archery but its a big step for me - Why do i feel like this? as i never used to feel like this before all this feeling start to happen?

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biglips · 12/04/2005 22:50

but on the outside people sees me as a confidence person but im not that confidence..

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mummytosteven · 12/04/2005 23:02

are you happy tho as you are? what sort of stuff do you back off on? do you mean that you make social arrangements then end up cancelling?

I think peoples' priorities change, especially once you have a baby, so you feel you've got less time for stuff you're not actually that keen on doing.

i suppose i'm trying to get a feel whether it's an anxiety thing/you feel a bit depressed so are shutting yourself off because of that, or whether you are feeling guilty because you feel you should be more sociable.

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biglips · 12/04/2005 23:10

i dont know what it is as i know for sure since it had started that if i see someone who i know, i used to be terrible as i used to avoid speaking to them by sorting of hiding away from them like crossing the road, now i have to forced myself to stay on the same side as they are....

im alot better now since i had baba (or since i stopped working)

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ionesmum · 12/04/2005 23:15

Could it be a security thing? Maybe you worry that if you let them too close you'd get hurt? Or that you will make a fool of yourself? (I've felt like this myself.)

Or maybe you're just one of those people who prefers their own company and that of their family. Nothing wrong in that.

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biglips · 12/04/2005 23:18

as far i can remember - a "best friend" slept with my BF of 2 yrs and since from then, ive felt like this and when we bought our house nearly 2 yrs ago... i was over the moon but i had this abit of depressing feeling inside me but im still very happy today but still the same feeling that wont go away

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ionesmum · 12/04/2005 23:20

What a betrayal, I'm so sorry. I think you need to learn to trust people again - not as easy as it sounds, I know. Have you spoken to your dh about this?

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ionesmum · 12/04/2005 23:21

Sorry, dp...

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biglips · 12/04/2005 23:26

yes i have as he knows....

plus i had a bad relationship before i met DP (verbal abuse relationship) for 4 yrs and it screwed my head up abit and then after i finished with him, i was ok till i met DP (4 yrs ago) and now i feel its a big thing... when i think of archery i dont think of the people (i think), as when the day comes, i think "ill go next time, as cant be bothered" but i end up beating myself up over it

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ionesmum · 13/04/2005 10:49

Oh, biglips, you have really been through it. Have you tried counselling?

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biglips · 13/04/2005 21:54

no not yet but thinking of contacting him as he did contact me before xmas but i kept on forgetting about it till on the last minute (baba was 2 months old then!) so ill call tmrw..

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biglips · 13/04/2005 21:54

him is the counsellor BTW

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ionesmum · 14/04/2005 20:48

Best of luck, Biglips. And at least you have come so far to have a relationship with dp and you have your lovely baba. Hope all goes well.

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