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my mum says i shouldnt have had dd3 [sad]

(30 Posts)
misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 19:05:03

she doesnt mean it nastily and she adores dd3 as much as all her grandkids, but she feels i have too much on my plate atm, and has told me not to have anymore kids. the thing is, me and dh feel our family isnt complete, we want one more but we have decided we will definatly wait and see what happens as he is very ill atm, and we know the risks of transplant.

zebraX Tue 12-Apr-05 19:07:26

You're pretty young (aren't you?), misdee, you have plenty of time to wait, you could have a "2nd family" years from now.

You do have a lot on your plate, you know.

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 19:08:54

its just hurts knowing what people think. when we decided to try for dd3 dh was doing very well, and cardio had said that hopefully things will carry on for years with no detoration. but then it got to winter and he went downhill fast. sometime si wonder if we did the right things as well

Yorkiegirl Tue 12-Apr-05 19:09:04

Message withdrawn

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 19:10:38

i just thought i;'d upset you lol

i know i have a lot of my plate, but have alweays wanted 4 kids, me and dh are both one of 4. seems a good number to me

maybe i'll do what my nan did and start having more once the eldest are having theior opwn kids lol.

Potty1 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:11:52

Misdee - if we knew what was ahead of us we'd all be doing things differently. You couldn't have known your dh would get so bad so quick. And even if you did you'd maybe have gone ahead anyway.

Enjoy your dd, hope dh is OK.

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 19:12:55

dh has been looking after me today. am feeling rough. even he says he'd still like more.

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 19:16:35

dh and I were talking the other night, and were saying how much easier this would all be if we didnt have kids at all. at least then dd2 wouldnt be so unsure of herself and her life atm, and dd1 woulsnt know basics of transplant at 5. but thern future kids wouldnt be my dd's would they? and they are all so yummy.

Yorkiegirl Tue 12-Apr-05 19:19:11

Message withdrawn

HappyMumOfOne Tue 12-Apr-05 19:19:44

Misdee you sound like a fantastic mum, none of us know what life is gonna throw at us so the time will never be right as anything could be round the corner! Sit back and enjoy your new baby and if you want more go for it, we only live once, life is too short. goodluck and best wishes to you and your family

zebraX Tue 12-Apr-05 19:27:43

There are several in DH's family who disapprove of their children having a 3rd child. MIL was almost annoyed with me for having a 3rd, because it's unconventional and she can't handle anything unconventional. MIL's brother has been scathing about his daughter having a 3rd -- reckons she can't afford it, but somehow, she & her boys are doing fine, haven't gone without anything important!.... I'd be happy to have a dozen grandchildren, myself. Sometimes people are just a bit too honest!!

flamesparrow Tue 12-Apr-05 19:30:14

Huge hugs to you... my mums knows that I'm desperately broody, and very kindly turned round and said that she didn't know how I'd cope with two cos I don't cope well with one !!!!

Yes, I do get very tired easily, and with that, I also cry easily, but to say I wouldn't cope with another one????

I thought I was doing ok at this mum thing too....

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 20:48:09

she says iu'm a great mum and copin g well under the circumstances, but have had a gopod sob over the last few weeks, with regards to pressure of learning to drive and getting dd1 to school. really think i need tp put dd2 into nursery once she is potty trained. tho that could make her take a step back. argh!!

kid Tue 12-Apr-05 20:55:23

You have so much on your plate at the moment, I can't believe you are wanting another baby already!!!!
I honestly don't know how you cope with 3 children and the stress you have been through with your DH. I personally am struggling with 2 kids, part-time work and keeping the place tidy!

Only you know if you can handle another baby at the moment, if you can then go for it. I remember when you were upset when your DH was in hospital when you were almost ready to have your baby. Wouldn't it be better to wait until after he has the transplant?

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 20:56:31

dont ant one yet, was thinking more like 3-4 years down the line. but my mum is saying dont have anymore, ever kinda thing.

milward Tue 12-Apr-05 20:58:39

If you want another little one go for it. You could just decide to have another in the future sometime if this is easier at the moment - but you don't have to rule it out. It's your family after all

stitch Tue 12-Apr-05 21:00:32

but misdee, you are your moms baby. and she is thinking about her baby. she's being a good mom!

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 21:01:58

yeah she is great. but i dont think she'd cope with more grandkids they all love their nanny, and she has trouble escaping our houses at times.

kid Tue 12-Apr-05 21:02:49

3-4 years down the line sounds sensible. Fingers crossed your DH would have had his transplant by then and have made a full recovery.
Why is your mum saying not to have anymore, is it because your DH is ill?
Afterall, she had 4!

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 21:07:15

the last 2 werent planned by my parents and they did struggle a biut, but we had a good childhood.

even after transplant there is risk of rejection years down the line, and dh will never have a completely 'normal' life, there will be life time of meds, recovery periods, hospital appointments etc. we're never going to be a normal family and we know that. but we can comfortably afford more kids (well one more), and know thats is it all we want (dh secretly wants a boy, so he can watch him play football even if dh cant. tho dd2 is a pretty good footballer). i know she cares about us all, but it did upset me for her to say it. i know people think we were mad to have dd3, but it was a decision based on expert advice at the time.

stitch Tue 12-Apr-05 21:10:35

misdee, tell her that what she said upset you. she's your mom, im sure she would rather you talked to her about this rather than us.

kid Tue 12-Apr-05 21:13:22

I don't think you are mad having a 3rd child. I used to want a 3rd (I am 1 of 3) but DH only wanted 2 (he is 1 of 2). But after having 2 sections and a lively DS I am happy to stick with the 2 I have.
I'm sure you will weigh the pro's and con's and do what is right for you. Your poor mum, how many grandkids does she have altogether? My mum and dad have 6 and another on the way (should be here in a few weeks)
My DH nan has 17 grandchildren and 25 great grandchildren

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 21:13:23

i did tell her. but its still upsets me. just need to let it all out i guess (plus not feelign well so probably more sensitive)

misdee Tue 12-Apr-05 21:14:44

they have 7 atm. my grandparents have about 30 lol. we are a large family my grandparents had 11 kids, atm on avergae i think they have 3 kids each.

stitch Tue 12-Apr-05 21:15:09


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