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Do you have money you spouse doesn't know about?

49 replies

dooyoo · 12/04/2005 16:44

I am a regular, but have changed my name as i THINK dh knows about my name on this site. The subject line says it all really.

Do any of you have a bank account that your partner does not know about?

Do you think it is wrong?

I ask because we are going through a rough patch at the minute and if we split i want to have some money for the kids more than anything.

OP posts:
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HappyMumOfOne · 12/04/2005 16:48

My answer to that is no as we share everything! But i can see why u want to do it! But if you did split your partner would have to pay maintanence anyway!

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dooyoo · 12/04/2005 17:05

I don't know whether I want to split up as it would devastate the kids and him.

I just want to have some money of my own hid away. Other than that we do share everything.

OP posts:
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dyzzidi · 12/04/2005 17:10

Yes I always have some money nobody knows about.

Just in case money. I always have reserve money i would use it for something in the house but never for something frivolous. I always think there is no harm in saving extra money and if you do it and you and your dp work through you r rough patch you cna always put the money to a holiday or something.

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iota · 12/04/2005 17:15

I don't ahve any money that dh doesn't know about - but I do have a fair amount that is in my name and he can't get his hands on

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wysiwyg · 13/04/2005 00:01

DH knows I have a savings accounts but doesn't know how much I have! (He would want to borrow it/tell me what to spend it on !)
I read somewhere you should always have a couple of months "rainy day" money to fall back on.
Saves on a lot of stress when unexpected things crop up.

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jampots · 13/04/2005 00:11

yes i have a bank account he knows nothing about, and he only found out about child benefit a few years ago, and he doesnt realise we get child tax credit things (admittedly only £8 per week) but it all helps

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ootslooJ · 13/04/2005 00:16

no
yes

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bibiboo · 13/04/2005 07:33

I had money my dh didn't know about. I told him about it when we moved in together, but he didn't know how much until we remortgaged and it came out then. He was amazed, but knows it's mine all mine!!

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emmatmg · 13/04/2005 07:35

No I haven't.



I know someone who does though and I have no idea how she keeps it quiet. Their Ds goes to private school and she has told her DH it costs XXXX per month and really it costs double that amount and she just hides/pinches/sythons(sp???) the extra in the the weekly shopping,bills etc to pay for it. Her Dh has no idea.

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FairyMum · 13/04/2005 07:37

I don't, but I think it depends on your relationship. For example, if your partner was very bad with money and that was the only way you could save for a rainy day, then it would probably be a good idea. I don't think it's wrong to have seperate money, but I think it's best to be honest with eachother and not have little financial secrets.

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fernzmal · 13/04/2005 08:10

i think its wise to have it just in case, you never know whats going to happen in the future.

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triceratops · 13/04/2005 08:44

I don't think that lack of trust or secrets are a good thing for a relationship. However you are perfectly entitled to your own savings. My ds has more savings than I do.

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dyzzidi · 13/04/2005 12:22

i don't think in my case it is a lack of trust more of a case of DP's lack of common sense.

He can save when we have a reason (wedding, IVF house etc.) but when things are plodding along he doesn't see the need to.

I feel back up money should always be had and if dp knew about mine he would be Oh shall we go away for the weekend you have got that money!

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Gobbledigook · 13/04/2005 12:29

No I don't.

Depends on the situation I suppose - if you had an abusive partner and you were trying to 'escape' or something then it makes sense. In a normal, happy marriage I think it's a bit odd.

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mummyhill · 14/04/2005 08:07

I don't because i don't earn enough to squirell some away, but would if i could. Have a very stable relationship but you never know what the future holds so it is allways usefull to have some in reserve for what ever reason. I would not tell DH if i started a savings account cause much as i love him he is hopeless with money. As other people have said at least if you work things out you can use it for a rainy day but if you don't work things out and partner is difficult about paying maintenance you would have a bit to fall back on.

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Bozza · 14/04/2005 08:52

No I don't. And agree with gdk really in that I see no need. However when these sort of threads come up I do think about it. I can see that a lot of women are in vulnerable positions - maybe not married, not joint ownership of house, not working etc. And I reason that I am married, the mortgage is joint, all our debts/savings are joint except one a/c which is an ISA in my name (we use it to save up for the next new car with the proviso that if something major went wrong we could use it and carry on with the current car). But DH knows all about it - its is financed by a standing order from our joint a/c and the book (usually out of date) is kept with all the other financial stuff. Also I work 3 days a week and so am not entirely financially dependent on DH.

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purpleturtle · 14/04/2005 09:01

my dh doesn't take any interest in our finances at all - I battle to get him to be aware of our situation. He trusts me (the fool!) to make decisions about what we can afford. If anything went majorly wrong he'd be stuffed, because he wouldn't have a clue about sorting out the money

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munz · 14/04/2005 09:03

er, yes and also debts (which he know mostly about). I've managed our money for the past 2 years, and after endless fights about y we have little at the end of the month, i've decided he's doing it all now to see it's not so easy to balance the books!

i've told him about the a/c's but weather he remebers about them is another case!

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sahara · 14/04/2005 09:49

I am honest about my money and my partner feels that my money is his to decide how it gets spent. He is secretive about how much he has, where it went etc. I have had to produce reciepts explaining where my money went.
It means I'm always too broke to save.
My sister on the other hand lies all the time regards her money to her DH and you know what she has a better life than I do.
She has furniture, is buying a car, goes on holiday.
If that is what lying gets you then maybe I should become as devious and sneaky as her.
I know that I will have to lie but I do find it difficult as I never understood the need b4

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Kiwigirl · 14/04/2005 12:36

Wow - my DH and I share all our money. When we married, we moved overseas where he was working, so it didn't make sense to have more than one account. We negotiate about spending on big ticket items, so I don't feel the need to have separate money. I can see why you would though. I have a friend whose DH is a shopping junkie, and would hide new things from her!

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piffle · 14/04/2005 12:41

no I don't but could if I wanted, I am lucky dh and I just share and know about everything with our finances.
If you were thinking of splitting though I cna see why you would feel the need to spirit some safely away.
Hugs it must be a difficult time for you
xx

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kama · 14/04/2005 12:46

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NomDePlume · 14/04/2005 12:46

No I don't.

I don't think a separate pot of cash is necessary in a secure relationship.

It depends on your relationship I guess, if you are in a relationship with a control freak or, on the flip side, someone who is very frivolous with money, I can see why a 'hidden' account would be a good idea.

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serenity · 14/04/2005 12:53

No, but my mum does. Her first marriage (to my dad) ended very badly, and my dad screwed her financially. So, despite being very happy and secure with my SDad, she needs that security of her own secret stash - just in case.

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colditz · 14/04/2005 12:56

I do. My partner sees no reason why we shouldn't live on this council estate for the rest of our lives, why we should ever have a holiday, why we should spend money on veg and meat when bread and nuggets will keep us alive, so I have to hoard. It doesn't come naturally to me, I am not a natural hoarder, but I want a life rather than an exsistance.

When we first had ds, he told me that £25 per week was enough to buy all our food, nappies, wipes and formula. I pointed out that that left £9 per week for food. He informed me that fruit and vegetables are a luxery.

Yet since I took over the food shopping, he complains that the yoghurts I buy specifically for him are only "tesco's" and not "tesco finest!"

With that attitude, would you judge me for keeping my money seperate and secret?

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