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Honest opinion please........Would you be annoyed?

(17 Posts)
Springchicken Tue 12-Apr-05 10:05:26

Right........My brother is getting married in 2 weeks time and they have asked me to do a reading in the church - which goes like this:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?'
The Lord replied, ‘The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.'

My grandad is dying of cancer is probably only has a few days left, and will definitely not still be with us when the wedding arrives. I just feel as if i would be a wreck if i read this in the church.
It's not so much the contents of the reading that is bothering me, I am worried that all the emotion i have inside me will come pouring out and i will end up crying.
The day is going to be hard enough as it is without my grandad being there - we are very close and he played an important part in mine and my siblings lives - i just don't know if i can do it.

I haven't mentioned this to anyone yet and i don't want to let my brother and SIL down - do you think i am being silly? Should i just do it? Would you be annoyed if it was your wedding day and someone felt like this?

Mothernature Tue 12-Apr-05 10:10:31

that poem brings tears to my eyes without any help from other feelings when I read it in context...surely your brother will be feeling the same, as its his Grandad too...just talk to them I'm sure I would understand if the same thing happened to me they may have a reserve, after all the poem is a celebration of life coming to its end, they are at the begining of their new one....

docket Tue 12-Apr-05 10:11:41

I don't think I would be annoyed but I would be worried about finding it really difficult and / or breaking down. Can you speak to your brother and explain how you feel, I am sure he would understand?

sweetmonkey Tue 12-Apr-05 10:15:36

i love that reading, it gets me every time and i am not even religious.
i would talk to yr bro as i know if it was me i would be having the same doubts as you and a wedding is meant to be a happy occassion its not fair that you are going to have the worry of trying to be strong and fear of breaking down.im sure yr bro will understand
good luck

enigma Tue 12-Apr-05 10:20:00

If you explain it to your brother how you have explained it to us I guarantee that he will understand.

beansprout Tue 12-Apr-05 10:23:30

I would explain to him. Be clear on what you want to do though. If you think that any reading would be too much, tell him and perhaps he could ask someone else?

Springchicken Tue 12-Apr-05 10:26:08

TBH Beansprout, that i what i think!
Any reading for a wedding is going to have that happy/sad element to it and i just don't think i can do it.

beansprout Tue 12-Apr-05 10:32:37

That's completely fair enough SC. You have been asked and if you can do it, that would be great, but if it is too much in the current circumstances (and that would be completely understandable) then that is just how it is.

I'm getting married later this year and my dad feels completely unable to speak at the reception. Not a word. I would love him to say something but he is very shy, and just can't. I completely respect that and would far rather he didn't speak than just felt awful about doing it.

Springchicken Tue 12-Apr-05 10:47:22

Thanks everyone, that has made me feel better.
Just need to figure out the best way of saying it!

Blu Tue 12-Apr-05 10:54:10

SpringChicken - does it matter if you get v emotional? Tbh, anyone close reading anything at a wedding gets completely lumpen-throated. I read at my sister's wedding and had to stand and 'breathe' for a good long minute before I could actually start! I think it would be a marvellous thing to acknoweledge the way you all feel about your poor grandad, and missing him.

Stand tall, look at the ceiling, relax your shoulders and mouth and think to yourself 'just do it'. Do it FOR your Grandad. Once you start, the rest will follow. Actually, reading uses the emotional energy you would otherwise use to cry! And if you do cry, it won't matter. Why should it? It is an emoptional family occasion, of joy and some remembrances. Celebrate the way your family can come together even though one os lost.

Have no idea whether your sister would be 'annoyed' - but I'm not sure that is the point. Weddings aren't meant to be calm and emotion-free!

WideWebWitch Tue 12-Apr-05 10:57:04

I agree with Blu, tell your brother how you feel but if you don't want to read, don't. If it's any use I read at my father's funeral with my sisters standing beside me and managed not to cry by concentrating on the words and looking at the back of the church, not the people. Good luck. Sorry about your grandad.

Springchicken Thu 21-Apr-05 08:49:40

Just thought i would update.
My grandad died on Tuesday evening - there is no way i can do the reading. I just feel numb.

Cannot even try to describe how else i feel.

Prufrock Thu 21-Apr-05 09:09:16

Springchicken I am sorry to hear this. My Grandma died 10 months ago and I was devastated. Many people (in RL - not here) didn't seem to understand why I felt so bad - I mean, Grandparents are expected to die

PuffTheMagicDragon Thu 21-Apr-05 09:17:33

Springchicken, your reasons for feeling unable to do it are completely understandable - your brother ans sil to be would have hearts of stone if they didn't take on board why you cannot do this.

Before my Mum died 4 years ago, I could stand up and sing in front of hundreds of people, read emotional poems etc. I can't do any of it anymore - it's too painful to sing or read anything remotely emotional and I would quickly become a gibbering wreck.

You are not being silly, just human .

Springchicken Thu 21-Apr-05 09:18:13

Thanks Profrock.

I ahev posted on the bereavement thread to see if it will help.

Its nice to know you felt the same - i feel odd in a way feeling this way about my grandad, as you say old people are supposed to die, but we were just so close and i felt so protective over him as everyone outside my immediate family were a complete waste of space!

Springchicken Thu 21-Apr-05 09:20:09

Thanks PTMD, i do feel bad about it but i know there is just no way i could do it.

It is just over a week away now, the funeral isn't going to take place until next week and i think it will all just be too raw.
I would've cried reading it anyway because i am that sort of person but there is one thing crying and another completely not being able to speak.

PuffTheMagicDragon Thu 21-Apr-05 09:26:50

Exactly sc - it's too much for you to handle right now. I'm sure there are plenty of people who can stand in for you.

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