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MOTHER IN LAWS AND DISCIPLINE

(8 Posts)
lovemummy Wed 06-Apr-05 17:00:06

Just wondered how everyone else deals with Mil discipling your children .
We went to stay at dh parents ,ds is 4 dd is 2.
I found it really difficult to keep quiet when Mil was telling off ds at the table about how much and how he was eating his food.Also touching her things and going to the fridge for a drink etc.Petty things in my view she got really uptight about and at one point ,shouting really loudly,dh had to hold his arm acroos ds as we both thought she was going to hit him.
I now feel i have let ds down and should have said something ,the poor little fella looked so scared of her.
I did comment once at the table that if anyone was going to tell him off it would be his mother.
I got the feeling as Fil commented that this is gran's terriotry,just made me feel then why invite us he is a normal boystrous little boy.
What do you think,anyone else experienced this?

scottishmumto1 Wed 06-Apr-05 18:01:18

as my dd is only 7.5 months aint had your experience. but i would have said something especially if its just little things she is shouting at him for. kids have to be kids.
my mil who luckily we dont see much of and has only seen dd 3 times since being born, believes that kids should be trained by 6 months according to my dh. no wonder he didnt like his childhood with a mother like that.
i dont think it matters where you are or who it is, if you feel uncomfortable with how someone else is talking or shouting to your child you should say something. cause if you dont you will just wish you did.
at the end of the day they are your children not hers and you should bring them up the way you want.

dont take any s**t of your in laws

Pinotmum Wed 06-Apr-05 18:38:15

It's one thing correcting him it's another shouting to the point you thought she was going to hit him. Personally, I wouldn't visit again unless this was sorted out but I think it's for your dh to sort out as it's his mother and his child.

vict17 Wed 06-Apr-05 18:39:30

Yes, I would get dh to say something along the lines of 'we're not visiting unless you never do anything like that again'

Slink Wed 06-Apr-05 19:06:12

My mil lives with us and she can interfere at times, but it is when i have told dd off and sent her to the step or to her room or said she can't watch tv mil will do the opposite so i tell her off making very clear I am the mum and she is the grandparent, then when dd touches her stuff i simpley turn the tables.... she is as good as gold now.

lovemummy Wed 06-Apr-05 20:31:15

I think my Mil has the opinion children should be seen and not heard.
Dh was annoyed at his mother for behaving this way,but did not want to cause any upset whilst we were staying there.
She has only visted us about 4 times in 4 years we get pressured into going to her,but when we get there i feel we are in the way.

Caligula Wed 06-Apr-05 20:52:40

Don't go then.

Frankly, if people invite you to their homes, they ought to be hospitable and go out of their way to make you feel comfortable.

If they don't, sod 'em. If you just say to your DH that you don't want to go because MIL makes no effort to make you comfortable, then maybe he will impress upon your MIL that she needs to make you more comfortable!

The one time I went to my MIL's she got very annoyed with me because I slept a lot and didn't get up until gone 10 O'Clock. The fact that every morning for the last 10 years I'd got up at 7 O'Clock for work, and I'd just had a miscarriage and was feeling a bit depressed, escaped her.

I never went back!

lovemummy Wed 06-Apr-05 21:32:55

Caligula,your comment about sleeping in struck a chord with me.My Mil was the same when dh and the kids came down one morning and i had a lie in.I got the usual sarcastic "good morning" It was my birthday though.
When we do get pressured into going over to see them i feel obliged to go for my childrens and dh's sake as they want to see their grandchildren.
I don't want to stop them doing that

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