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this is funny!

(2 Posts)
lavenderrr Tue 05-Apr-05 23:04:07

Subject: The weaker sex

Why Women are Crabby
>We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that
>anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad
>it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra
>contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our
>Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with
>those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies,
>had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed
>cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
>Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the
>first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
>through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little
>cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
>Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and
>water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over
>Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we
>learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking
>our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have
>Rosemary's Baby.
>Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we
>pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam
>in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the
>mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all
>the way to the ER.
>Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
>screaming, Mrs.Harris. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more
>like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***
>(and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
>mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
>After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all
>that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,
>jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
>Then come their teen years. Need I say more?
>When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in
>our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
>So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of
>all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned
>"buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July,
>wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that
>Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so
>easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods
>without soaking their socks...
>So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a
>tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. BITE ME!!!!
>Send this to seven bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least
>make them laugh a little.....

SPARKLER1 Tue 05-Apr-05 23:26:32

LOL - oh how so true.

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